Q&A With Stephen Beresford
Drew Hubbard • 27 October 2021
Writer of British lgbtq+ movie 'Pride'.
I
zoomed with Stephen, writer of award winning British lgbtq+ movie 'Pride', to ask him
a few questions about getting the film made, his writing process, and any tips
he had. This is an edited version of our conversation.
Pride is based on a true story, did that help you when you were pitching?
Yes. With film in the UK it's incredibly hard to get anything made, frankly, that isn't a true story. I think because film is so incredibly expensive, so they're very conservative. And there's something about 'based on the incredible true story', that they find irresistible. In fact, I would go so far as to say if it hadn't been a true story they wouldn't have made it.
Was it a hard or easy sell, did anyone try to play down the lgbtq+ part to focus on the miners?
It was hard. It took 20 years. That was partly because when I first heard the story, I had scarcely written anything so nobody would take that very seriously. From the minute I heard the material, I knew I one day wanted to make a film about it... a big, mainstream, full budget movie. I felt you'd serve the story best by making it appeal to a mainstream audience, because that, after all, is what LGSM did themselves. That was really important to me. But almost everyone I spoke to about it said, nobody will make this film. A lot of people said do it on the radio, do it on stage. But it got made because of a combination of inexperience, and chutzpah really.
I took it to someone called David Livingstone who had never produced a film on his own before, and he loved the idea and commissioned it. And then Pathé backed it, again I think because they were just being courageous. But it was very unusual, it was a 15 million dollar budget, which is actually not a lot of money for a period movie, but it was a huge amount of money for a story with gay characters in it.
"I used to get all sorts of pieces of advice, don't make it too gay, don't make it too this or that. I think people were nervous."
And indeed famously, when the (American) DVD was released, the word gay is never used. They just say a group of London based activists. They literally thought no-one would buy this in Walmart. We came across that kind of thing all the time.
I had a specific set of objectives writing it, but until they had a script they were very nervous. I think they thought there was going to be fisting on every other page. I really do think that's what they were worried about. And when they read it they were like oh it's OK it's not that kind of film.
How much of the story changed from initial idea to what we see in the film?
Bromley/Joe, was a more central character in the first incarnation. I started to realise we didn't need him as much and I dialled it back. He was really the only fictional character, although he was based on some real people, but his story was pretty fictional. But largely speaking, most of what I wrote ended up in the film. I can't remember who said this,
“In a movie you've got two things, the ending, and everything that happens before the ending”.
And that couldn't be more true of a film like 'Pride'. I knew it started at Pride and ended at Pride, so everything else in the middle had to be filled up. Because it was a true story I was able to interview the people involved, and quite quickly the storyline pretty much wrote itself. We didn't have time, or the money, to shoot anything else. Everything we shot, we shot in 2 takes. I conflated some characters, that was always the plan really.
How many drafts did you write?
Not including corrections and polishes and those kinds of things that can go into the teens, I probably wrote about 5, I would think. Something like that. 5 or 6. I'm not absolutely certain.
You've sort of touched on this but how did you balance keeping the story true to life, but also keep it entertaining too? Any tips for writers creating stories based on true events?
It seems obvious, but there's nothing really better than the truth. That really is the number one thing. Finding the truth is always the best idea, you'll always get the best story, by getting the information, by getting the detail of what really happened. In terms of getting that information, if you have people living, you have to be honest with them and that can be difficult for some people. You can't say, I'm going to tell your story, at last it's your chance to set the record straight, I'm going to give you a mouthpiece of your extraordinary journey. That's not how films are made and it's a lie.
"You have to say you will not recognise yourself, you will look for your own life in vain up there on the screen. It will be my version of events, I reserve the right to cut and change it, amend, conflate."
I said that to every single person I spoke to. I said if you want to continue speaking to me, everything you say to me I will consider to be fodder for the film, don't tell me anything you don't want me to know, if you want we can leave it there, it's up to you. Nobody said no to that. But you have to be completely, completely honest with them, so they don't have unrealistic expectations.
The only time we had somebody who grumbled a bit about the film, it was somebody who had refused to speak to me. I can't put their point of view on the screen if they don't express it. They all went with it very strongly, and largely because they all felt as did I, as did audiences, that it was a story that should be told. It was an important story to tell.
Do you have any examples of your film making a difference within the lgbtq+ community?
I've heard of it being very instrumental in people coming out. I've heard in Kenya and Zimbabwe, that they do private, secret screenings of the film. I've done talks, pre zoom, where I would record a message for screenings, because I couldn't go for my own safety. And the safety of the people in the audience is compromised but they go and they turn up for it.
I once was in an uber in Los Angeles and the driver was a lesbian and she started to tell me about the film, and I said I know about that film, I wrote it. And she stopped the car, got out and said I need to hug you. She was quite a scary lady, but we stopped and we hugged with the freeway traffic streaming past us. I got a free ride.
"She told me how it had helped her to come out to people."
She was from the Iranian community and the film helped her explain to her parents. I like that, it's a film that is a really useful way of introducing these themes and these stories to people who might otherwise be prejudiced against them. Which was always the point.
Andrew Fraser, who is a journalist and wrote a review of 'Pride' in Attitude magazine used this sentence,
“prejudice cannot survive proximity”
and I thought it was such a brilliant thing I quoted it and now sometimes I see people have attributed the quote to me. That's one of the primary themes of the film. That's why I think it's a good film for people who are trying to show people who they are and what they're about, who might otherwise be hostile. I'm proud of that.
Can you share a little about your process as a writer, any tips that you've found useful.
Every single thing I write, daunts me. I've never sat down to write something I've not been intimidated by. I don't think that's going to go away. I start quite early, you'll know for yourself what are your most productive hours. You have to dedicate them to your work. All my devices are set off until noon. You've got to set aside that time and devote yourself to it.
"When I'm actually writing dialogue and scenes I write in 25 minute bursts, then I take a break, then I do 25 minutes again. And in those 25 minutes I can only write, I don't do anything else. I sometimes let myself walk round the room, but that's all."
People love to wax lyrical about how they like to write things but each person has a completely individual process and you have to find what works for you. I think, there's all sorts of traps people fall into, for example we tend to play to our strengths, so if your strength is dialogue people tend to focus on that, to the expense of plot and vice versa. So you have to always be careful, and know what you're good at, and concentrate on what you're not good at because everything else you get for free.
"If you're not good at plot, focus on it and think about it and learn about it. The best book on writing, is actually a book on theatre by Stephen Jeffreys. It's called 'Playwriting'."
People might say I'm not going to write plays so why am I going to care about that, honestly it will teach you about writing anything. It's a really excellent book. But writing is hard because what you've got to do is find a way of working that is your own. I think the secrets are in you and a lot of the time people think they have to discipline themselves into writing and they have to exert some willpower over themselves.
"But the trick to writing, which is the trick really to living is to apply passion to it. If you love it you'll do it better and you'll certainly get it done at any rate."
So if you are the kind of person that only wants to write for an hour, then only write for an hour. That's ok. Do what works, rather than what you're told to do, because that's a nightmare.
Do you have any advice you have for new lgbtq+ writers writing an own-voices script.
Writing is writing, whether you're writing your own story or someone else's, it still follows the same rules. I can imagine with your own story that can be difficult.
"Beware always, this is true about all writing but certainly when you're writing about yourself or your own experience, beware of what I call the deadening hand of the certain."
So when you're writing your own story you might think you're certain about things and you should never be certain about anything when you're writing. Always have a doubt, and feed that doubt into your work because doubt is nuance and nuance is human. So if you're going to write about yourself you have to, as George Bernard Shaw says, give the devil the best lines. You've got to give your antagonist, the person who is against you, has got to be a credible person. You've got to give them a balance. For example in 'Pride', one character is a homophobe, who's sort of based on a group of stories I was told about the little bits of prejudice that the gay and lesbian people encountered when they went to Wales and I conflated them into Maureen. But I took great care that when they do the march back to work, she's kissing her sons to go back to work, with their packed lunches and she stands at the front door with a photo of her dead husband who died in the mine. She's honoured by the community. No matter what happens she's still a part of that village. That's how life is. Some really great good people are homophobic and some gay people are really fucking awful and cruel and mean and racist and whatever else. So you've got to be careful of writing a story that's too opportunistically balanced in favour of you or what you want to say.
I would also say, and this cuts across race, class, gender, sexuality, be careful, theres a diversity industry at work, and its powerful so people want boxes ticked, so they'll say if you're a queer writer what we need is a trauma story. So lgbtq+ writers will only get attention if they're writing in that way. All the time they're going to push you into a box, they're going to use up your authenticity and spit you out.
"You've got to deny them the power to do that. Don't let them limit your imagination. And don't let them believe there's such a thing as a gay imagination, because there isn't."
I know you were on set at least some of the time (I remember you saying you're the one who shouts “Commie” at Mark at the gay pub). Did you steal anything from the set? If not, what was the one thing you wish you had stolen?
I was on set every day actually. I stole... so at Pits and Perverts, because the props department is so detailed and the work was so beautiful, they made little tickets. So I stole one of those tickets off the floor. I mean that wasn't really a great crime.
You know where the miners are in the mini bus and the guys stop and ask “Are you a lesbian?” and she says “We are on our way to Swansea for a massive lez off”, we didn't have enough miners for the back of the bus. So the second AD had to get in the bus and be in the shot, and he didn't have an appropriate coat, and I had, I must tell you, a very expensive pea coat that I think I bought in New York. It was vintage. A real sailors coat from like the 1940s, and they said that looks like a donkey jacket can they put that on him? So they did, he then went to the back of the bus, anyway, it vanished. So not only did I only steal something of no value, but I had my very very expensive pea coat stolen, or it got lost and probably got returned to costumes, where it's being worn to this day.
"One day I might see it and rip it off the back of whoever it is, Richard E Grant probably."
You get given the last slate actually. I've got that. That's all I stole really. It was partly because, as I was doing that film I put on so much weight. Making a movie, you just sit in a chair. I sat in a chair for months, and you get an assistant, and someone comes up to you “shepherd's pie and crumble?” and you go, yeah ok, and that's your lunch and you have that. So you don't move. I literally didn't move my body for the whole time and I got so fat. So partly I didn't steal much because I couldn't move, I couldn't get off the chair.
"It was a very happy time being on that set, we had a real laugh. It was a happy film."
Thank you so much to Stephen, for taking time to talk to me, and being so generous with his answers. If you've never watched 'Pride' it's currently available on Amazon. It's an absolutely gorgeous film, based on the true story of LGSM (Lesbian and Gays Support the Miners), as they helped support a small Welsh Mining town during the strikes in 1984.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this interview, and this very first newsletter in general. I'm not sure if you can leave a comment here (this is literally my first ever newsletter/blog post so I'm not sure of how it all works with this website yet), or find me on social media.
I recently did a survey for aroace-spectrum humans to answer about what they like, dislike, and want from characters that represent their lived experience. The aroace-spectrum covers asexuals, aromantics, and aroace people and the spectrum it covers. Asexuality means feeling little to absolutely zero sexual attraction. Some people may feel some, or need to get to know a person first. Demisexuality and gray-sexual also comes under this. Aromantic means feeling little to absolutely zero romantic attraction. Again, some people may feel some, or need to get to know a person first. Demiromatic and gray-romantic also comes under this. People may be asexual but not aromantic, or aromantic but not asexual. They may also be both, or be somewhere within the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum. If you want to include aroace-spec characters in your stories, and you should, here are the results to the questions I asked the community. As always, no minority group is a monolith. You may find some answers are the absolute opposite of another answer. This happens within any minority group. The best way to use these results is to see what answers best work for your character and story, and use it as a starting point. You will get a lot of info from this results, but for best authenticity, I always recommend talking to an authenticity reader of whatever specific label your character is, to really create a fully nuance, and authentic character. These answers are an excellent starting point anyway, that you won't find anywhere else online. But please don't share the link in public forums or social media. Send them my newsletter link and that person can get access to these results and all other survey results (you'll find them by scrolling down to the bottom). Here we go. FYI answers have been left unedited and uncorrected for typos. Question 1. What does being under the aroace umbrella mean to you? (Feel free to touch on the specifics of your label if you’re happy to do so). An easy way to explain why I am not that into some of the popular media out there, and why I don't really care about dating/marriage. Also a way to find other people who feels/experiences the world similarly It means understanding myself, understanding that there’s nothing wrong or broken in me. While I identify as aroace, my relationship with my asexuality and my aromanticism is different. When I first heard about the ace spectrum, I figured I must be demi and because I had never been in a relationship I hadn’t experienced any desire to have sex with anyone. Later I got explained what sexual attraction was (or at least I got examples of how it manifested) and I started to realize that I actually was fully asexual. For me, that was a relief since the idea of sex and been thought of in a sexual way, have always seemed kinda disgusting in my opinion. Even kissing, the few times I’ve done it, did nothing for me at best and left me a bit grossed out at worst. Finding out about asexuality, while scary for being different, was liberating and very easy to accept. On the other hand, I thought I coulnd’t be aro because I really wanted a relationship, I love consuming rom-coms, and had crushes (even a boyfriend, if you count technicalities). No one seemed able to define romantic attraction to me without the sexual part, so that didn’t help. It took putting myself in uncomfortable positions to figure out that I was in fact aro. It made me reframe what I thought were crushes and how I actually picked the people I’d “fall” for or got influenced by people around me. Also, apparently social anxiety shares symptoms with crushes, so there’s that. Turns out wanting a relationship (with no one in particular, just the idea of it) ain’t the same as feeling attraction toward someone specifically. I aslo realized romance is fine in fiction but picturing myself IRL in those scenarios just made me cringe. Figuring that out caused me a lot of grief, because I lost the idea of how I had pictured my life was supposed to be. It’s also terrifying because of relationship hierarchies in society, and how it feels like I’ll never be anyone’s priority. As of today, being aroace has made me more aware of my boundaries and keeps me trying to figure out what kind of relationships I want. It means that it’s ok I’ve never been able to ‘make it work’ with someone else, because ‘making it work’ always made me feel so uncomfortable and anxious. I feel content knowing I’m Ace because I’m not built wrong, I’m just built differently. Sadly I feel more ostracization from being on the ace spectrum than I ever did when I thought I was pan. Not only from outside the community but even within. It almost feels like people come at it from, this makes no sense to me so it is immediately wrong which is so sad. The inability to attempt to understand people that think differently than you is the root of all exclusion and most hatred. So being ace is a very lonely existence with very few people ever understanding you,no matter how often you try to explain. It can also lead to people attempting to take advantage of you in relationships because no matter how often they say they understand they still attempt things you don't want to do constantly. can only speak for myself as asexual, but its mostly a sense of not belonging in a hypersexualized world. before figuring myself out i felt like an extraterrestial because in a world and social circle that started to have relationships and most importantl sex on a regular basis as a sort of merit when i just didnt give a fuck about any of that anf had to play it down, make excuses, lie or tank mild harassment (happened ~2 years after puberty finished and i went to a party where a few outed queer friends talked to me and randomly dropped the word. did some research the next day and it finally all started to make sense) now i am out in most of riend circle and i feel a lot more comfortable being myself and it feels great, at least when my friends respect my identity. as a society, we still have a long and rocky road ahead I'm a sex-repulsed aroace person, and for me it just means being a part of an identity whose lives are enriched by so many people. Friends. Family. Community. (already answered this, just wanted to add something. My original entry started Right now, I ID as demisexual/demiromantic if asked for a label... if you want to pair this answer with the original one.) Being AroAce has given me complicated feelings. At first I was kind of sad and worried, but it also answered a lot of questions for me which was helpful and after a few months I accepted it more. Currently, I'm really proud and happy with my identity especially after meeting other Aro/Ace folks and hanging out irl. Having this identity has helped me figure out more about what I want my life to look like and the possibilities that exist for me. It means liberation and independence. It means I can stop seeking out relationships I have no interest in, and simply enjoy what I have. It means that I have started to value my friendships and other connections even more, as I feel that my understanding of love had been redefined. The world tells us that all friendships and relationships will ultimately play second fiddle to the one; for me, that simply isn't true, and I love that feeling! Right now, I ID as demisexual/demiromantic if asked for a label, even though I never really felt I needed one, and I feel it doesn't 100% fit. (It is, however, a convenient shorthand when explaining why I'm not interested in casual hookups and things like that). In reality, I can be a very sexual (and, to slightly lesser extent but still, romantic) person in the right context with specific people *at specific times*, but I also go long, long stretches of time (ie up to 9–12 months) without needing anything sexual at all. If I'm also stressed & tired, my sex drive is -0 and there's no evoking it, I don't want to be touched, and will be physically repulsed if you try to engage me in even a hug (for context, I'm also autistic, which may influence the physical response here to some degree). For me, my identity as autistic is stronger than my identity as aro/ace, I feel my relationship with sex/romance has more to do with my neurotype than any separate set of feelings or processes around sex/romance specifically. I'm also more aromantic than I am asexual, because romance requires focus and attention to someone's feelings and I find that exhausting. Sex has a practical, non-intellectual component that (for me) is preferable to all the ~*feelings*~ of romance. It also intersects well with kink space, esp the dom/sub, leather, restraints etc subsection of kink, which can be very stimulating without actually a lot of physical contact. I enjoy writing, and reading, erotic fiction more than I enjoy actually engaging in physical sexual acts. This might however also be an expression of my autism more than the ace feelings (but to me the two are inextricably linked so who can really say). If a person finds it helpful to consider themself to be under the aroace umbrella, then they belong! I find it a helpful framework for understanding my experiences, which are that I do not experience sexual or romantic attraction, am repulsed by the idea of having partnered sex, and find the idea of romance uncomfortable to consider for myself. But different people under the umbrella will have different experiences. Some people hate the idea of how being aroace gets you seen by allos as an emotionless robot, and some aroace people are like...ok but the emotionless robot is relatable actually. There's such a wide spectrum! Asexual - I just don’t experience sexual attraction to anyone. I’m quite indifferent to the act itself. It means that all of the nuances and 'gray (lol) areas' of my relationship within a hetero-cis-normative social structure have space, validity, and acceptance. It allows me to find the right words or exist without specific words to describe my lived experience. To me asexual means that I’m not thinking about sex (like really ever) but it doesn’t stop me from being attracted to people or wanting meaningful romantic relationships. I don't really know how to put it into words, because at the same time I feel relieved to finally know myself and I still feel kind of.. idk, wrong? I still have a lot of compulsions about romantic relationships and sex. I often catch myself subconsciously forcing myself to do these things because it's what's expected. Amatonormativity sucks lmao. I am asexual, and I have known this since the age of 16; I have never considered myself to be anything else since. I am now 27, and I’m figuring I may also be on the aromatic spectrum— probably grey or demi, as I have experienced romantic feelings once or twice. However, I have decided I don’t want a relationship. To me, being ace is simply ‘a lack of sexual attraction to another person’ or ‘a low level of sexual attraction, in the case of identities like demi and grey’. Aces can enjoy sex and sexual acts, have a libido, watch porn, and still be ace. Although I am a sex-repulsed asexual, I know not all aces are sex-repulsed, and even that can be a spectrum. To me, being sex-repulsed means that I hate the idea of me being involved in a sexual act with another person. However, I don’t mind talking about sex with people and will happily listen to them talk about it; I have a libido, watch porn, and own toys. On the other hand, I know people who are repulsed by all sexual acts, including solo acts, and do not like talk of sex. Aromanticism is a little more difficult for me, as I am still unsure where I fall with this. I know it’s defined as feeling little to no romantic attraction, and that I do relate to that. I am also not really into romantic acts. But I am struggling with placing myself, and I may content myself with saying I’m on the aro spectrum without picking a specific label. I tend to think of myself as Gray Ace, as I do occasionally experience attraction to people, but I am always a bit surprised by it! I have never pursue this attraction: it's so fleeting, it has never really seemed like a mandate, more like an interesting passing experience. (I'm probably Aro, but tbh this has never seemed like a part of my identity, more like a thing I might bring up if it becomes super relevant, like my vaccination status. IDK why ace is a meaningful label to me and aro isn't.) As an aroace individual it means that I am not intrinsically motivated to pursue sexual or romantic relationships with others, as I do not have an innate physical desire/need for relationships on these grounds. As a person that is not sexually attracted to others, sex is not an important aspect of the ways in which I relate to others and want to be in relationship with them. As a person who does not feel a romantic pull to others, I deeply value my platonic and familial relationships and hold them in high regard. I appreciate all the ways in which someone can experience attraction to others and it allows me to have deep connections to those in my life. i'm glad the umbrella exists and i really feel at home, especially being in contact with others who fall under the aroace umbrella helps to figure things out. however, when talking to people who do not identify as aroace or when trying to explain my sexual identity to non aroace people, i mostly felt misunderstood or judged. In some instances, people began distancing themselves from me. so, in short: being under the aroace umbrella feels great when i'm among fellow aroaces but it feels isolating when i'm among non aroaces. it means that i think sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship and that relationships aren't the most important thing in life I am biromantic asexual. This means that I experience romantic attraction to all genders, but not sexual attraction. It took a long time to figure this out about myself! To me it means not experiencing sexual attraction in the way allos do. Being separated and outside of that world because of its infrequency if it’s present at all. Not understanding it’s importance either. I ID as Demiromantic asexual. For me it means having a deeper understanding of my own experiences regarding attraction, split-attraction, and libido. It has really helped me leave aside a lot of the feeling of not fitting in and forcing myself to engage in romantic and sexual interactions that made me heavily uncomfortable just to try and fit in or because I felt that I just wasn't experienced enough and I had to be to become comfortable with it. It helped me find community as I was figuring out identity. I only ever develop romantic feelings for people who I first have a strong connection with as friends and sexual attraction just never happens, although for me that is independent from libido, which is still generally low but existent. Although I don't use the labels too publicly, it meant I could express my experiences/identity to friends in a more structured way that they can even look further into on their own time if there's anything unclear. to me it's having some trouble with finding relationships (i'm aroallo, but my sexuality is like only 80ish percent allo if that makes sense), but also havong comfort knoeing i'm not alone I prefer not to identify as anything, because it feels so finalizing and I’d like to be able to experience the same intimacies that others crave and enjoy. However, mostly I just don’t think about it. I suppose sex, for me, is more enjoyable in theory. For me it's a bit of a lack of commitment. I'm alloaro so this will definitely not be a universal experience among all of us, but I often feel myself initially attracted to people but then unwilling to be in a relationship. For me, being aroace is mostly about one single part of my identity. I don't really separate my romantic attraction from my sexuality; they come together. So, even if i call myself asexual, I'm aromantic as well. So, it's more about how being aroace separates me from others, in the sense that I have trouble understanding the peers that don't share this part of my identity, and that can be alienating. But it's also about having an easier time to understand the world through lenses that are not purely romantic/sexual, and finding joy in every kind of relationship. And it's also about how unique the perception I hold for my own identity defines me. Being asexual to me means a lack of the sexual “pull” that most people feel towards others. I was very surprised to learn that seeing and thinking about attractive people is generally a cause for arousal, because I’ve never experienced that. I do still experience arousal sometimes and feel pleasure from sexual stimulus. I may even desire sexual contact with others, though it’s usually for “unorthodox” reasons like desiring an emotional connection or wanting to help someone feel good. There’s also a large gap for me between fantasy and reality. It might be fun to entertain certain sexual ideas in my head, but that doesn’t mean I’m excited by the thought of putting them into practice. Not being sexually attracted to people, and only being romantically attracted based on having made some other deep connection first. It means my priorities are different, that I find fulfillment in different ways, and that I see relationships in a different way. I'm more analytical/intellectual about sex and relationship dynamics. I can feel underappreciated or neglected by friends, or infantalized by family, because I don't attend events with a partner attached to my arm. I face some of the social or practical disadvantages of being alone but don't feel inclined to fix them with the solutions provided. (e.g. I'm not included in plans for couples or that I'm lower priority when I need a favour, and people suggest I need to find someone. My identity and source of adventure in life is not about falling in love or building sexual tension. I prefer to make jokes and cause havoc and turn everything into social commentary. My aro and ace aspects complement my AuDHD in having me constantly challenge expectations and assumptions and my need to know deeper reasons why a certain life is expected of us. I eschew heteronormative gender roles and don't see or accept the limitations perceived by people subject to their dynamics (e.g. I don't accept that men shouldn't have to take as much care of themselves if they have a wife, and I don't understand why dating politics around money or making moves are such a big deal). While I greatly value friendships, I find it harder to keep engaged in them when people enter stages of life without much else going on but their relationship. It means that I am normal and that I belong. I dont really know the specifics of my micro-labeling just yet but I am pretty sure I am aroflux (moving across the Arospec). Generally someone who has no sexual attraction to anyone, although the spectrum of this is wide. Although sex-favourable asexuals enjoy having sex, they just don’t feel the attraction. I’ve never looked at anyone and thought “I’d have sex with you”. But as a male homoromantic asexual (gay asexual) I find have romantic attraction to men as in I’d like to kiss, marry and cuddle/spoon a hot guy but no sex related actions, not even a BJ! It means no longer feeling broken or like a disappointment when my version of attraction and desire doesn't match the 'norm'. As an alloromantic demisexual without aesthetic attraction, I was always weird for not thinking people were hot, for who I was attracted to, and for the way my sexuality didn't live up to what people seemed to expect. It wasn't that I didn't want /anything/, so I was supposed to want everything, right? But I didn't, and I don't, and having words to explain that to potential partners has helped immensely. I no longer feel like I have to pretend sexual interest when I'm in a committed relationship where it feels unnecessary to me. I put myself through some terrible situations because I thought I was somehow not right. There is trauma in my past that I could have avoided if I had not been trying to live up to something I didn't even realize I didn't need to be. Giving words, space, and legitimacy to those feelings means a healthier and happier life with better relationships. It also means feeling less alone. It means experiencing little to no sexual attraction So I consider myself aroace with intellectual and aesthetic attractions but not sexual or romantic ones. Setting aside the formal definitions for my identities - for me, being aroace means being able to define my relationship (or lack thereof) with sexuality and romance in the world around me. In my case, feeling free and fulfilled to not engage and instead leaning into my personal strengths and putting my passions/skills elsewhere. For me it allows me to be my authentic self. Living and growing up in a world where allosexuality is the norm really skews the view of one’s self. But finding your identity and allowing yourself to break free from societal norms is a very freeing experience. It allows me to feel comfortable as myself and show my authentic self to others more freely. For me specifically, I see myself as 100% asexual in that I don’t feel sexual attraction toward anyone. Yet I am comfortable with sex as a topic or a plot line in the media I consume and even occasionally fantasize about certain fictional characters. But it’s all in theory for me, like I enjoy things like a sadomasochistic dynamic and occasionally become aroused by it. But when I think of doing those things with another person, I have no desire at all and find such a situation uncomfortable and even revolting at times. It is similar for my aromanticism. Growing up in this world, there is always an expectation of dating the opposite gender by others around me. I also enjoy consuming media within the romance genre (though I mostly only enjoy it now if the characters involved are queer). With an overactive imagination and maladaptive daydreaming, I often find myself fantasizing a romantic future with friends, especially ones I’ve recently made. But the same thing applies to the way I view romance, as I enjoy the ideas and theories of dating, being in love, all that. But the idea of actually trusting someone, spending romantic time with them, dating them, kissing them.. I find it unappealing and uncomfortable. At times, it’s difficult for me to determine whether or not I have always been this way/always would become this way, since I had crushes during middle school and high school. I wonder if the trauma I experienced throughout life made me into the way I am. Nature vs nurture type. I was in heavy denial over my aromanticism and occasionally still am now. I wish I wasn’t aromantic sometimes because it is a unique sense of loneliness. So for now, my aroace identity is something to lean back on when I don’t want to think of the specifics of my identity, something that can give me a vague sense of community and an explanation for why I am the way I am. Damn internalized aro/acephobia, huh. Lmao. I apologize if my answer is depressing.. It meant to realize I was not broken or weird and other people felt and thought similarly to me. It was discovering that my romantic attraction is not as attached to my sexual attraction (by first learning this is possible!), like most people (allos) and THAT is fine (I adopted the demisexual label as it feels like that is me but i am more comfortable just saying i am part of the ace umbrella when talking with people). It is feeling understood and happy to have the words and community to embrace myself and the way I navigate life. I usually call myself a biromantic asexual just to simplify it, I also call myself queer. I'm also agender and amonogamous (different than polyamorous). Being asexual for me just kinda makes me a-everything... I get huge crushes on people every now and then, but I am not sexually attracted to anyone, no matter how much I love them. I sometimes explain it to people like this, You know how lesbians are not attracted to men at all? That's how I feel about everyone. Or, Imagine someone you just couldn't be attracted to, like a 90 year old person, maybe. That's how I feel about everyone. Or like, Who are you sexually attracted to? a) cis-women b) cis-men c) trans women d) trans men e) gender fluid people f) nonbinary people g) agender people h) fish (hello Troy Mcclure) i) none of the above I am always choice i) This doesn't mean that I have no libido and don't have sex. I can get aroused by foreplay or other physical stimuli, and then want to have sex with a person. Especially when I drink. But because I'm not attracted to anyone, that means the person could be anyone, and I have no preference for any gender. I just have to not be repulsed by the person's personality or lack of hygiene. I am totally open to answering any questions you might have about aceness if you'd like to reach out to me. DM me on Twitter anytime: @elisaintime experiencing little to no romantic/sexual attraction (i am completely sex and romance repulsed) I would personally label myself as something between gray- and demisexual/ romantic. Personally, I think being on the aro/acespec can be quite isolating, because of societal expectations to be with someone. For me, this sense of isolation has been there from a young age. I've never felt much attraction towards anyone, and it often made me feel as if there‘s something wrong with me. I'm glad there's a community for aroace people because it definitely eases this feeling, although the aroace community is still very misunderstood. So, I guess being aroace to me means having to face a lot of allonormantive standards but also finding community in those who are like me. I'm asexual but not aromantic. I'm ok with sex to make my partner happy, but left to myself I could happily not have any and I never think about or experience sexual feelings. I'm not disgusted by sex, but it's like exercise to me, something I make myself do for the benefits it brings (ie, being closer to my partner) rather than an activity which is enjoyable in itself. I'm demi sexual. Being aromantic but allosexual, I experience sexual attraction but not romantic attraction. Aromanticism is experiencing little to no romantic attraction. For me, that means I don’t experience the emotions associated with romantic attraction. It can get confusing for sexual partners because many folks don’t separate romance, sexuality, or sensuality in their heads. So when I do something that they decide should go in the romance box, they discredit my orientation, not understanding (or choosing to to understand) that a romantic relationship isn’t about the behaviors you exhibit—it’s about the emotions you feel while you do. I’m demisexual, which means that I feel sexual attraction to someone after I’ve formed a strong emotional bond with a person I could perceive as a partner. (So I very rarely experience sexual attraction to anyone!) When I was younger and didn’t understand my sexuality, I would often say that I preferred personality over looks, and that because I’m a Virgo (haha) I judge people too much to like them. But I’ve learned since then that I’m demi, and that I’m much more romantic than I am sexual. I love the performance of romance, the giving and taking care of aspects of it. Sex—it’s all right. I like that my partner likes it, but I could do without! Well I'm asexual and not aromantic so I can only talk about asexual experiences. Honestly, being able to have a community that understands me and my so called weirdness. I just like being able to meet others like me. I'm pansexual and aromantic. I realized I was aromantic at 40. It was both terrifying and exhilarating. For most of my life, I had avoided dating, and when I did, I felt I was doing it wrong. Realizing that I was aromantic increased the value of the many different relationships/attractions I had that were not romantic--alterous, sensual, sexual, and platonic--and how beneficial they were to me. The way I love isn't something to be fixed. It is who I am, which adds variety to the ways humans can engage with each other. It's made my mental health and lived experiences better. It means living outside of the sexualized and romanticized expectations of society. So for me I identify as romance repulsed aromantic which means that when I receive romantic advances, I become incredibly disgusted. In the past when I was asked out for the first time ever, I was in total shock and actually got sick. It combines with my autism as I do not pick up romantic advances or social cues, so when I miss the cues and suddenly somebody perceives me as a potential love interest I just become totally repulsed. However, as a demisexual, I do desire some element of a connection with a person. I experience the urges to have sex, but combined with my aromanticism its never occured where I have found a partner or partners that I would feel comfortable engaging in the act.I am not sex repulsed and I do enjoy for example, sexually explicit songs and making sex jokes, far greater actually than my allosexual friends.For me, I feel I fluctuate between where I identify within the ace community and I have had a major experience last year where I was harassed for 10 months due to my rejection of somebody. I suppose Im more likely than others to put a degree of being aro up to trauma, but Im open to the possibility of it changing in the future. But for now this is how I personally feel aroace applies to me Under the umbrella of aro-ace includes a number of identities, including grayromantic, graysexual, demiromantic, demisexual, aromantic, and asexual. There are many others, including those who don’t have a label preference or prefer to be unlabeled. I am grayromantic and graysexual (I experience romantic and sexual attraction very rarely) and demiromantic and demisexual (I need to get to know a person really well before I can be romantically or sexually attracted to them, usually), so I fall on the aroace spectrum. Please note that romantic and sexual attraction are different. Someone can experience one but not the other. Also, attraction is different from one’s own actions. Someone can be asexual and be sex-favorable, sex-repulsed, or all sorts of in between. It means being whole in oneself and standing against compulsory (hetero) sexuality. It means building community in ways that supercede the nuclear family. I'm aroace and what that means is I'm not sexually or romantically attracted to anyone. That doesn't mean I don't find people attractive; it just means I don't want to have sex or be in a romantic relationship with them. I'm not sex repulsed but I definitely skip past it in books/shows/movies/etc. I'm good with reading books with romance in them but Romace genre is not my favorite genre though I'm more likely to read a romance if it is queer. I consider my friends and chosen family as my most important relationships. Being asexual simply means I don’t feel sexual attraction. I am aegosexual, so I may be aroused by erotica or fictional scenarios. But I’m very sex neutral about having sex. There are so many things I’d rather do. As for romantic attraction- I’m not sure I understand what that even is. So perhaps that makes me aromantic as well! For me being under the ace umbrella means understanding and safety in a way I can't quite explain. Ace people are often treated as broken or weird, or juvenile. You'll get it when you're older. Kind of thing. Getting to be under the ace umbrella reassures me that other people feel this confusion, that I'm not broken. People understand, and there is safety in understanding. But being ace means a lot of people will never understand you, and you may also never understand them or yourself. (For me) I identify as Demi, but I'm not actually sure I've ever felt sexual attraction to a person. I do think I've felt romantic attraction, but I have often confused intense platonic love with that and gotten myself in trouble. I've looked at a person and thought wow, I just want to stare at them. In some situations maybe I want someone else to do sexy things with them, but I don't really want myself involved at all. But the main point is, I don't really know what I've felt. It's confusing, and strange. I've never looked at a person and known 100% if I was attracted to them. I've thought people were so beautiful it took my breath away, but I've never felt... like a pull towards them. Simply lack of romantic and sexual attraction. Many ace/ aros are confused where they are on the spectrum and don't want to label themselves incorrectly so we so many micro labels. But I prefer to say I'm asexual / aromantic. When I say I'm ace and aro, I am talking about the entire spectrum. My sexuality is fluid, sometimes I can feel attraction after an emotional bond or no attraction at all regardless of a bond. For me it means I experience romantic attraction, but never sexual. Which makes relationships fairly unlikely. I most often report myself as aroace-spec, but if I had to be specific, I'd probably say that I'm demi for both aro & ace. To me, it's a general rejection of amatonormativity. The ace label was easier to find (early 20s) but the aro label I didn't stumble across until my late 20s. Under the ace umbrella, I feel very rare sexual attraction and only with a close bond (one person ever in my life, who I'm currently married to). For my aro umbrella, I have slowly discovered that my sounds fake, but okay reaction to romance in almost every media was not, in fact, universal. To me, life and love feel clear cut. There's not the fuzziness or transition of oh, I'm romantically attracted to this person. I told my spouse I didn't want to date but I knew that they'd be the person I'd marry. I love them, but the idea of dating made me feel icky. Since I'm married and have a kid, being aroace doesn't really come up with others in my day to day life, but I feel like it shapes my entire existence. Things that other people expect to be a given feel alien and incomprehensible to me. Coworkers casually talking about finding each other attractive literally boggles my mind. People who say there's no platonic explanation for this make me slam my head onto a desk. I've never experienced a crush in my life. As a middle schooler, when other kids were talking about crushes and stuff, I remember listening during biology class about lipids carrying hormones through the body and knowing that I was underweight and thinking ah, guess I just don't have enough lipids yet. (Spoiler alert: that was not the issue ahaha). Being aroace for me is being tired of arbitrary delineations between types of relationships and celebrating the transcendence that is my personal brand of love. i find that the definition of asexual as “self contained sexuality” that gets used in the Asexual Manifesto really resonates with me. To me, there’s a wholeness to asexuality that I find really comforting. In a world that tells you so often how you need a romantic/sexual partner to be happy, knowing that I’m a complete person by myself, even sexually, is really grounding. I feel like no one really knows about us even in our own community. Aphobia is very real and I have never actually seen an accurate representation of it on tv or in books. And since every asexual experience is very unique to each person, I always find myself in situations where I have to explain what it means to be on the asexual spectrum and it is an alienating feeling, quite exhausting. It is extremely important to me to be represented and acknowledged in LGBTQIA+ community. Many people don't even know that A stands for asexual and not for ally. it means I dont have to like what everyone does and I can do things my way even if no one understands. it means that my feelings and sensations and body does not have to aling with other people's opinions or experiences. I am aroace and I experience love in a deeper level than just romantic. love needs no labels. you can feel things your way and you can experience the world your way too For me it meant I wasn't broken and it wasn't something wrong with me - getting a name for how I felt allowed me to identify it and feel less alone. Reading about aegosexuality in particular for me let me understand interactions I had with friends growing up - things like people assuming I was a lesbian because I'd say oh yeah she's gorgeous/hot and only now in my 30s realising that I meant it in an aesthetic way while others didn't I'm biromantic asexual. It mostly just means I have no interest in sex. I'm a little disgusted by it, particularly by the thought of the exchange of bodily fluids. It also means being excluded (by a small and small-minded group) from discussions around queerness despite the fact that I'm biromantic and currently in a relationship with a fellow nonbinary person. Just look at how Yasmin Benoit was treated when she was announced as the leader of the NYC Pride parade! Aces also tend to be infantilized because we never met a societal milestone. I am demisexual, which means a strong emotional bond is needed before I can feel sexual attraction. I am also a hopeless romantic and could happily take or leave sex, although I do love kissing, being held and caressed etc. I know that's just my experience, though. I am also mostly sex favourable although this varies. The big umbrella is about sexual and romantic attraction that differs from the norm and skews towards less or no attraction. Narrower terms help individuals to find community but the whole affair is very situational and fluid. I identify as asexual but homoromantic. I am not sex repulsed but have no interest in having sex. I can do it (for a partner, for attention, etc.). I consider myself less romantic than others I’ve met but I approach my relationship with pragmatism and love/ adoration. Question 2 What tip/s do you have for a writer creating an aro/ace/ aroace-spec character in a story? There isn't the ONE aro/ace/aroace story. Talk to more people, read about more people, and realize that a lot of the online stories are very global North oriented Personally, as someone who doesn’t mind sex and romance in books, but is repulsed irl, I’d love to see more sex repulsed characters in queer platonic relationships. I feel like a lot of the ace rep I come across in books is Demi, which is great! But I’d love if a character doesn’t end up finding someone they’d do sex with every now and then, but still finds someone who loves them all the same. I believe that there are as many ways to be a-spec as people who identify as such, because of all the variables in both spectrums. That means you have a lot of different possibilities when creating your character’s experiences, but don’t try to make one character to cover everything. Just as with any allo, our sexual orientation is just a part of who we are, not our whole identity. Even when we are struggling with it or if its taking a lot of focus in our lives for whatever reason, we still have other things going on. Depending on your goal, don’t be afraid to experiment with how much it does (or doesn’t) impact the plot. Also, don’t just think about a-specs in romance or coming-of-age narratives: how would these characters do in adventure, sci-fi, horror, etc? Also, read Ace by Angela Chen. Create someone that is kind and outgoing, but friendly to all, and not necessarily romantic with any. I think any writer writing about lgbtq or neurodivervent characters needs to lean more into the fact that lgbtq and neurodivervent people tend to flock to each other. There's not usually the token gay friend, more like the token straight friend. Also if you start before a character knows they are aro/ace just knowing it is generally a long process to figuring yourself out, generally going through multiple labels and relationship trial and error until you finally come across the term, or finding yourself in someone else's story of how they came to their understanding of their identity. try to understand and implement the everyday struggles of an aspec person in a heteronormative, hypersexualized world It's a common phrase, but -- it's a spectrum, so don't be afraid to reflect that. I'm a sex-repulsed aroace person, but I love seeing *all* aro/ace representation. So many folks conflate purity culture and prudishness with being ace. Now I might get squicky about sex, BUT I also recognize that I live in a world where a lot is sexualized. That's the norm. I make jokes about it. I'm not afraid to--I've learned how. And frankly, I know plenty of others aces/aros that enjoy sex as an activity, even though they too don't experience attraction. No matter which character you write, understand that because of the world we all live in, aroace folks do experience things differently. i.e. the whole world has no problem essentially recommending sex and/or romance as a corrective measure to fix us (and our apparent hormone problems). But we also love things you might not expect--I love romance stories, even if I don't want that for myself. (and even if I personally skim steamy scenes). I love and hate the cake analogy, but it can be a useful starting point. make the story about literally anything else but centered around romance and sex. being asexual for me literally means that sex is only in my life in the form of other people’s stories. i am averse to sex and don’t even want to want sex, and i have many other things i care much more about. I don't label myself as polyamorous because I'm not really interested in relationships at all. I do, however, exist in a polycule somewhat, as what they call a comet. I think it's under-explored how that kind of configuration can actually benefit aro/ace people in that we don't get pressured to carry all aspects of a traditional relationship, like you do in a monogamous relationship. The pressure of regular sex e.g. in a normal mono relationship has made me basically stop dating because it's too difficult to navigate those expectations. As a comet to one polyam person in a polycule with at least three different people it is much easier to actually enjoy the relationship. We spend time together when I can/want to, without me having to feel like I abandon them or withhold anything when I go 8 months without wanting anyone to touch me. They get their sexual and romantic needs met by other people in the meantime. Our relationship is mostly intellectual, with some romantic aspects (which may not qualify as romantic by mainstream definition, but they're too personal to share). The sexual aspect is mostly tied to a specific kink (softdomme restrain & denial with very little physical contact) and it all works really well. So, what I mean to say is that an aroace-spec person can be in a polyamorous relationship and enjoy kink sex, and still be very much aroace. :D Regardless of if your character is Ace (not Aro), Aro (not Ace), or AroAce, I would make sure you are aware and knowledgeable of both identities, their spectrums (look into angled identities for AroAce characters), and their relationship to one another which can change. I would also say that if you are playing around with having an Aro/Ace character be in a relationship you should look into and know about Queer Platonic Relationships. A decent amount of Aro people in particular, but also Ace people are Amatopunk or proponents of Relationship Anarchy. This would/could effect all of the relationships the character has including friendships. So do some research beforehand and consider if it feels right for your character. 1. Please don't make their ace identity their entire personality! It's great to see ace representation, but I prefer when there is more to a character - I want to see ace characters with rich friendships, varied interests, and strong connections to the world around them. They don't always have to be bookish introverts (Nothing wrong with bookish introverts, of course - I happen to be one myself - but there's more than one way to be ace). I'd love to see a life-ofthe- party ace, who loves knowing they're not going home with anyone at the end of the night! 2. There has been some dangerous ace rep in the past (the infamous episode of House, for example - and more generally, cases of characters describing someone as 'asexual' as a means of suggesting they're a bit odd and incel-like). It's important we redress this by showing asexuality as a strength, with a world of possibilities. 3. It would be nice if authors could introduce a bit more subtlety to their writing about aroaces too - it doesn't need to be spelled out in endless exposition, which can be such a turn-off. Can authors find ways of having characters refer to their fierce independence, and lack of interest in relationships in more creative ways? 4. There is undoubtedly a crossover between asexuality and neurodiversity, but I think this has to be handled with care. I am a (broadly) neurotypical ace, and it's important we don't give the impression that aces are, by definition, neurodiverse. It can be dangerous both for aces and for neurodivergent people (many neurodivergent people are allosexual and it can be dangerous to give the impression they are incapable of love). We have to find clever ways of distinguishing between the two. Personally, I get turned off a story when characters start using labels for themselves in casual conversation. It feels very constructed and unnatural to me. I'm sure there are friend groups e.g. where this is normal, but it never has been for me. I've never felt well-represented by stories claiming to have good aro/ace (or queer in general) rep, because those that really go for being representative all go *too hard*. It becomes a focus itself, as if the labels themselves must be written out on the page in order to be represented – I hate that! I hardly ever talk about my sexuality or to what level I am aro or not with other people! Don't be so obvious about it, don't spell it out. I haven't really dated since I became aware of the existence of the aro/ace label (it's been years), but I remember feeling stressed out on dates because I can tell when, in the general script of A Date it would be natural to add some physical contact or where a kiss might be appropriate and stuff like that, but I didn't particularly want to do it. And I could tell the person I was with got disappointed, or got mixed signals. I've had people tell me that I didn't seem that interested in them or one that went you don't seem to need a romantic partner, I'm not sure why you're on dating apps?. It was hurtful at the time, but I also couldn't disagree, because I hated dating, it's exhausting (again, a lot of this is the autism –being around people is very taxing for me). So, the feeling of wanting friendship or companionship, but not being able to perform to the script of dating and therefore being rejected is very raw for me still. It's lonely. It's also stressful. Everyone wants to move so fast, while it can take me years to connect with someone to a point where I would like to be sexual with them, they write you off as not interested after two dates without kissing. No one sticks around long enough for me to develop attraction. :( don't try to aim for The Perfect Representation, bc we can look like a lot of different things, and don't be prescriptive about what being aro/ace must mean about a person. being aro, ace, or aroace is one aspect of what makes a person themself, and is an important aspect but is also not the only aspect. make sure they're a full person rather than just being present to be aroace rep I think mainly make sure they’re a person outside of their sexuality as well. remember that these labels are not static and one-dimensional. These labels are there to refer to a relationship between a self and a social system and there are many ways that it may look. For example, asexual isn't just about the lack of sexual attraction, it is a way to describe the varied ways that a person experiences their place in a sexually normative world while existing outside of it. Talk to people who identify as somewhere on the spectrum. Get multiple perspectives because we all see aceness differently and your writing should reflect that nuance. Sorry idk uhh like, as long as you're being respectful and do your research I think it's fine! I'd also say that even tho a character is aro/ace or both, there are tons of different relationships and they can still be (and not be, as well) in one! Aro/ace strict characters, as well. Things like queerplatonic relationships, and tbh even traditionally romantic relationships. There are so so many different kinds of relationships. The most important thing is communicating! Every person is unique in the way they feel and express themselves, and I think that's beautiful. I think first you should establish the kind of character you want to portray. 1) Remember that everyone is different and that ace/aro is a spectrum. Not every aro is ace, and not every ace is aro. It is also only part of your character, not their entire personality. 2) Being aro/ace does not make your character childish/immature/cute/ innocent or vice versa. Your character can be immature and ace, but they should not be immature because they’re Aspec or Aspec because they’re immature. 3) I think it is important to show Aspec characters with other meaningful relationships. There’s this stigma around these identities, especially aromantic, that they’re cold or emotionless, so it’s important to show their relationships with friends and/or family. Maybe less true now, (I'm old) but since everyone only knows the inside of their head, most people grow up assuming they're allo, and that everyone's experience of attraction looks like theirs. Many aces don't figure it out until they're quite a bit older. Hopefully it's not as true as it used to be, but it used to be much easier for women in some Christian cultures not to know they are ace, since they receive the message women don't like sex, they just give it to men who pressure them or because they love them or w/e. The first time I knew a woman who was open about being horny, it was revelatory to me. I didn't know I was aroace until after getting married. I always recognized I was different from others (beginning around middle school) because I wasn't boy crazy or really interested in dating; I also didn't understand why people would want to be with people with terrible personality/ethical traits because they were physically/sexually attracted to them. Nonetheless, this really didn't impact my life - I never put much thought into why I didn't want to date and seemingly was able to resist whatever sexual urges other people had that drove them to illogical behavior/unhealthy relationships. I think it is important that a writer decenters sexual and romantic relationships from the storyline and instead focuses on all the other personality traits, talents, hobbies, and career goals of the aro/ace-spec character. I think it is important to demonstrate that we're deeply caring, loving, passionate people who live fulfilled lives - not that we're in agony over the fact that we're not in a romantic/sexual relationship. it perhaps depends on how old the character is but perhaps the most important thing is to not portray an aroace character as being incomplete (when they are single), unsexy (it's time to break this stereotype! aroace people are sexy too!) or sad (because they seemingly can't find the right person). i am not sad because i am who i am! it's society that assumes that i must be sad for not having a partner. from my experience as an aroace teenager, i did a lot to fit in, and figuring out my sexual identity took much longer than it took my fellow gay friends. A story arc that explores figuring out asexuality needs many pit stops before arriving at the end. lastly, because aroaces tend to be less interested in love and sex, they have a closer focus on other interests and hobbies, and these mean a lot to them. i don't know many aroaces who sat at home and wondered what is wrong with them (when figuring out their sexual identity), they had/have hobbies, and they live a full life. since relationships aren't a priority for many of us, we spend a lot of time on friendship, platonic bonds, and our community <3 Everyone experiences being ace/aro spec a little bit differently. Some ace people want to be in romantic relationships, some don’t. Some ace people are okay with having sex or intimacy, and some aren’t. Romantic and sexual attraction are two different things!! There can be romance without sex, and there can be sex without romance. There are a lot of ways to engage in intimacy or closeness that doesn’t involve sex. Cuddling, holding hands, or kissing (sometimes) can all be ways to show intimacy without going further. The character can still acknowledge other people are attractive/beautiful/ handsome! We know! And it’s important to know that aromantic and asexual don’t always go together! I’m HYPER biromantic and demisexual. We come in so many flavors. I personally find attraction confusing and weird. Others don’t know enough to even think that! Research identities and see what fits your character and story the best. Keep in mind the split-attraction model (or research it if never heard of before) and the distinction between attraction and libido. Sure, for many ace people these can align but for plenty of others it doesn't. It's important that even if the character is aroace with little/no libido or sex repulsion, the language used to describe them and their identity doesn't deny the existence of other aroacespec identities and experiences. Also, you have to be very careful if any trauma is present/related to the character and how this happens and is described in relation to their sexuality. Pathologizing is one of the biggest issues the aroacespec community still faces, not that characters can't have trauma but the distinction must be clear. Finally, it's great when characters are not constantly faced with negative reactions every time their identity is brought up. while aspecs can be in relationships that they aren't attracted to, i'd reccomend avoiding it if you don't fell confident protraying the nuance of showing how a character feels about the relationship. havong the character go without a relationship is also amazing representation and helos break anatonormative (hope i spelled that right) orms I don’t necessarily have tips bc I believe everyone’s experiences are so unique. There’s some ace stories I’ll read that I’ll relate to instantly and others where I know it’s an experience others have but it’s not my perspective. The same can be said with my gender and sexuality as well. I would say, perhaps, tho, that it’s a fluid process. I’ve slept around and not realized I didn’t care for it. It parallels comphet, in that way, for me. Until I took a step back and examined my own interests instead of just what I thought would keep people interested in me, then I’ve had to come to terms that I’m under different umbrellas than I once thought. Just don't change their opinion at the end of the story. Keep it consistent. Some people want to be in relationships even though they are aromantic. There's lots of different types of relationships from Queer Platonic, to friends with benefits, or maybe your aromantic but are still in a romantic relationship with your partner. There's lots of different reasons and they really can't all be summarized in one character. Go deep and decide microlabels... you don't have to mention them but they'll help you write more specific experiences. 1. To avoid characters that are tragic/sad because they can't feel those types of love/affection. We have lives that are rich especially because of the other relationships we've built through our lives. There are already enough characters that feel they should be fixed, don't make yours another one. 2. To create characters that are happy within themselves and their relationships without feeling like they're missing something. There's nothing to miss. Oftentimes, it feels like sex is treated as the natural end-point or “goal” of an emotionally intimate relationship. While ace/aro-spec people may still be interested in sex for other reasons, I still think it’s important to consider that our “end goal” will often look different. For instance, I would be perfectly satisfied to literally share a bed with someone and cuddle under the covers, without any need to take things “further”. We aren't all autistic, and we aren't emotionless robots. We just have different base desires. Don't assume we're naive! We can be very observant, or experienced but with different emotional outcomes. Some of us know we're aro/ace early on and some of us need to come to a realization after experience. We have different levels of tolerance for sexual/romantic subjects, from squeamish due to discomfort at the idea of being in it, or indifferent/amused because we have no stake in the game. Include cultural factors, like different religious backgrounds, unique experiences for BIPOC folks, or language impacts. There are intersections of disability and asexuality/aromanticism, but that doesn't mean they're linked. It needs to be more than just Im ace or that they (The character) just dont date. That not all of us are aro. The rare time I do see an ace character they always seem to be aro. I get crushes, even though it's rare, I fall in love. I don't mind physical things but it can take me a long time to work up to it and it may not happen as often as the other person would like. And how physical things don't always come natural. Let them be fully fleshed characters too! An explicit statement that they’re ace could be helpful in solidifying them and making the aceness canon, but take it deeper. Get into their thoughts, feelings, experiences, dialogue, internal monologue, where they may have contrast to their peers or secrets they don’t always tell everyone. If this is a side character, it still could be cool to have them share some of that experience with the MC; they could even be positive experiences! On the flip side, not all representation has to be about the struggles. It can be happy or even just neutral normal. Gay representation is often easier because a character can just have a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner or call someone hot and everyone else already knows. For aces, it’s understandably harder to give immediately obvious rep. I’m still figuring it out myself, but chances are, since amatonormativity is all around us, aceness shows when a character reacts in contrast to everyone else’s “normal” reaction. It doesn’t even have to be a big deal—there’s opportunity for an ace character to be sarcastic or funny when they see allo characters act funny. Chances are, it’s more obvious a character is aro/ace when they’re older and unpartnered because their priorities are elsewhere and they don’t see the need to change that. There have for centuries been a lot of stories with the cold, heartless, perpetually single person who either needs to learn to change that to show they’re human, or never change that and thus are an inhuman villain. I see a lot of rich aro/ace representation in subverting these tropes, in which a character is unaffected by usual attractiveness but demonstrates warmth, happiness, or care for humanity in different ways. They don’t even have to be outwardly super affectionate to show connection—like Wednesday! Remember that consent and boundaries are very important. I’d also say include some sort of authors note or annotation that explains what sexuality is, because it’s not a common term. Also would love to see a sex-favourable character because those are rare, and it’s important to spread the message that having sex doesn’t invalidate you as an asexual person. Be clear about where under the umbrella you want them to fall. Some people are aro-ace, but there are sex-positive aces and aros who love a little flirt, and not everyone is both at once or to the same degree. Not every ace is sex-repulsed. Most aro and ace orientations are not caused by anything, trauma or otherwise. They just are, like any other sexual or romantic orientation. But both aro and ace folks are discriminated against, with everything from microaggressions about not finding the right person yet to corrective rape. Be careful when applying your traumatic backstories. And, if it's appropriate in setting, having a character actually describe themselves with labels is super useful right at this moment, when aro and ace representation is really only just starting out. Characters should not be a stereotype I would say this really for any queer character - but an especially important key to compelling aro and acespec characters is fleshing them out as whole people in a positive sense. By that, I mean not that they are not just not doing or not feeling/engaging in something, but rather emphasizing what they are doing/ what they do feel/how they do engage with issues, trends and people around them. Our identities tend to be framed oftentimes as a negative, open space, lack of something, but all the aces and aros I know are anything but. If you are going to do it, make it well known that this character is aro/ace/ aroace-spec. The biggest struggle for the community is the wide population not knowing what it is or knowing people like that exist. Try not to write the character in a way that prevents the audience to discredit that character’s sexuality. Well for starters, consulting people who fall on the aro/ace spectrum is good! Such as these questionnaires lmao. But other than that, I’d encourage talking to a range of people. That way, we avoid any stereotypes and writers are able to get a real feel for their characters. I don’t publish any work, but I do enjoy writing and doing literary role plays. So personally, I am empathetic with my characters in the way that I put myself in their shoes even if I don’t completely understand what it is like to have a sexual desire or a romantic attraction. Might be a little difficult, but I definitely encourage trying a similar approach, if other writers are similar in their approaches to characters. It also doesn’t hurt to contact trusted people who are aro/ace and see if your characters are “realistic” enough! (I couldn’t think of a better word :( sorry!) Aces long for romantic relationships too! Not everyone is sex repulsed! I wish when portraying an ace character in a relationship, they didn't suddenly focus on the sexual part when it happens, like a major breakthrough, as if we are being fixed. We are more than just sexual beings and by making sex the central part when someone is a sex-favorable ace, feels like taking away part of the identity. I hope for stories to show more intimacy and strong emotional relationships that does not have to include sexual acts every time. Also aces make sex jokes too lol or dress sexy and doesn't have to mean we want sex. Also wish more characters and plots focused on platonic relationships. Platonic relationships deserve to be in the same level as romantic ones, if not, I think they are more important. Been alive for over 30 years and my friends and family are everything to me. I never felt I was missing something and I think that is something other people should see in stories too. Oh, for characters to be diverse. I feel there is a lot of white aces representation. POC and disable aces exist too! (I know there's some Asian characters but they are the least) Focus on the emotions and the cerebral. Imagine the people are amorphous blobs of consciousness--what might attract them to each other? Figure that all out for your characters first before you put them into meat suits. Anything to do with the physical is aesthetic. I can become interested in a person because of their sense of style, if it seems cool to me. Because the sense of style, the way they dress, groom themselves, carry themselves, or even treat their body, can make me think they would be a really interesting person who I would want to know. Consider that a huge proportion of asexual people are also neurodivergent. And often twice-exceptional. I personally am level 1 autistic and gifted (I'm a member of Mensa and Intertel) Also consider that a large proportion of asexual people are into the kink scene. I can't speak to this personally, but I recommend you find some kinky aces and listen to how that works for them. don't be afraid to write them as just as human or down to earth as any of the rest of the characters in the story. and especially if said aroace character is a lead - make sure they have their own struggles/insecurities. aroace people don't have it easier bc of their identities, in fact it can cause a whole breadth of other issues in facing off amatonormativity (which is very similar to heteronormativity, i wish more media acknowledged this!) Read/ask about the experiences of aroace people. Also, to me, my own identity is a little confusing sometimes and I can't predict the pattern of my own attraction, and I'd love to see that represented somewhere! Recognizing that labels aren't exact. Having an ace character doesn't mean they will always behave in exact correspondence to their label. People are complex. And sexuality can change over a lifetime. I my experience demi people do not experience love (or attraction) at first sight. We have to get to know the person and form a friendship first. It takes time. Also, I do not know sexual attraction to strangers or even pictures. I can say this person looks beautiful but would never feel sexually attracted by just looking at some one. 1) DO NOT CONVERT US. I REPEAT: DO NOT CONVERT US. We are just like any other romantic or sexual orientation and writing it away with therapy IS ENDORSING CONVERSION THERAPY 2) some folks do have a root to their lack of sexual attraction—just because there’s a reason for something doesn’t invalidate its existence. **But if that is not your experience, it is not yours to write.** You risk invalidating all of our identities with your misconceptions. 3) sexuality doesn’t translate in innocence, purity, naïveté, etc. They’re grown, too lol. They can like sex jokes too. The topic of doesn’t have to be uncomfortable or triggering—it just isn’t always relatable. 4) Aro/Ace folks can and do get married. They can and do have children. 5) aromantic/allosexual—just like being bisexual—doesn’t mean you’re a ho. Sometimes we totally are, but monogamy doesn’t equal morality. Many, like myself, find being on the same page EXTREMELY important. I don’t cheat on people, I don’t insert myself into monogamous relationships, I don’t like or coheres. 6) if one more person tells me I just haven’t been swept of my feet… 7) Don’t assume we don’t know things lol. There are a TON of things I don’t get about romantic relationships—I do not understand returning to people who hurt you (barring abusive relationships which are designed to entrap) But despite that lack of understanding—I *know* that these dynamics exist and can read them very well. My best tip is to remember that the keyword is “spectrum”. Even if you’re using real individuals or other characters as models or guides, it’s not *the* experience, because everyone experiences it differently. When writing an aro/ ace character, you have to consider them on a specific, rather than general, level. This will help avoid stereotyping. Oof that's a hard one since it's such a varied label. I'm gay ace so that's mostly what I can talk about lmao. I want romance! We can go on dates, kiss, hold hands, fall in love, get butterflies around the person/people we like. I just don't want to have sex. And I probably never will as the idea makes my stomach churn. Like unless both characters are asexual (I'm making this monogamous) there will be the inevitable conversation about not wanting sex. Been there done that. Just don't write us like robots, please. Please show the variety of healthy relationships that people on the aro and ace spec people have. Show the value in their platonic and sexual relationships. Explore the entire spectrum. Actually talk to aro and ace people. Learn the challenges they face, how they express feelings, how they move within their relationships. To give the character as much attention as any other. If your story is revolving around relationships, dive into it and don't shy away. It is okay for Ace/Aro storylines to create conflict with other characters because that is how it is in everyday life. We do get questioned and excluded from conversations, the best thing is to not carry that over into the media and make it even more acceptable. Aro and ace people have different presentations and don't all have the same experiences. I also would avoid having the inclusion of these characters be seen as tokenistic and try and explore how a characters identity as aro or ace impacts their story eg avoid sex education's style having one ace character where their coming out is just looks to camera as google definition of ace is said. It combines with other identities, as example Im an aromantic woman and I experience an isolation from other women due to the expectation that women love romance, whereas ace men suffer from not being seen as man enough if they dont like sex. Do your research into different kinds of aroace identities and experiences! You’re already at a great start. Ace Dad Advice on Instagram is one of many great sources. There are lots of indie fiction books by aroace authors that have great and diverse representation as well. I haven’t read all of these yet, and representation varies by book, but some authors who I know include great representation in their books include Margherita Scalia (aromantic rep), Sarah Wallace (demiromantic, demisexual, and aromantic rep), and Azalea Crowley (asexual rep). I also hear great things about the trad pub book Dear Wendy by Ann Zhao (asexual). I think a lot of aro/ace/aroace-spec characters I've seen have been coming out or coming to love oneself stories. Don't get me wrong, these are useful and they serve their purpose. But I'd love to see a self actualized aroace person. One who has come to terms with and loves themselves. Who has built a community and has troubles from being non-partnered in a marriage-centric world but that is only PART of their story. I also think a lot of aro/ace/aroace people have a different relationship to their gender than most allos. It'd be fun to see that in a story as well. Do your research, especially if you aren't aro or ace. There are so many different experiences for being aro/ace/aroace. I want to read more books about aro/ace/aroace joy. Friendships are just as important as romantic relationships. Ace characters can enjoy sex! Being asexual myself, my characters in romance usually form some kind of connection first and they may even find the other character beautiful- but they don’t feel anything sexual or use words such as “hot” or “sexy.” If they decide to have sex, they enjoy it but it’s never this amazing mind blowing thing. Also, asexuality doesn’t exist in a bubble. It can coincide with autism, gender dysphoria in transgender people, depression etc. So of course asexuality is a real thing, but it can be hard to untangle from other things going on in our lives. Trauma as well. They don't really need to behave differently than anyone else, and there doesn't need to be attention brought to their aceness unless the situation turns specifically towards dating/sexual intimacy for them. I make a LOT of sex jokes! I draw penises! I seem like a pretty horny silly gal if you didn't know I was ace. As long as it's pretend or separated from me, it's fine. I can also hear of friends exploits and not be grossed out. An ace character doesn't NEED to be sex repulsed at all. They can just be regular and then be like nah I don't wanna do that but thanks for the offer. Where I would bring attention to it is dating, the uncertainty of is this person going to understand? Push my boundaries? Or if they specifically are in a sexual situation Talk to asexual people and listen to their stories. Each asexual person is different and going to have different experiences. Do research, talk to people (Twitter is a really good place for finding people of the ace community). It's such a wide umbrella that everyone's experience is different. Every person experiences their identity differently, but umbrella labels can feel easier for them to explain to other people, and have some comfort (though I know other people feel differently about this and love their microlabels)! I think it's important to really think out how your character came to understand their identity, because unlike other sexual identities that hinge on an attraction that exists possibly outside the norm, the LACK of attraction is so much easier to miss, because society will just keep telling you it hasn't happened YET. The critical moment for realizing you're aro/ace/aroace is when you realize Whoa, actually, I know it isn't ever going to happen, and that's so f-cking chill. (or whatever accompanying emotion). Personally, as an aroace-spec person, I am totally fine in my normal every day life without thinking about my identity until the moment amatonormative comments are made, and then it feels like I'm in some sort of cosmic joke. I think being able to write an inner monologue of a character who either understands or is working out their identity in a believable way is important. And most importantly, I (and I'd think other aroace spec people) don't want to see a character let other characters who don't understand try to bully them out of their identity. Talk to folks in the communities you wanna include in your story, especially if their identity is going to be relevant to the details of the story. Like, if you as a creator are not Black, I would hope you’d think to talk to Black folks if you were going to include a Black character in your works whose Blackness is relevant to the story. Don’t make your ace/aro characters explain asexuality/aromanticism to the reader I would love to see a gray asexual character in a story. A character who rarely feels sexual attraction but when they do, they do. I would also love to see an asexual character with a high libido cause people usually confuse sex drive with sexual attraction. There are lots of people out there who are indeed on the asexual spectrum but they don't even know it because they can't differentiate between sex drive and sexual attraction. A story exploring that experience would be nice. Also asexual people are very good at writing sexual tension because we are often in need of our imagination to trigger certain desires in us to initiate intimacy. We rely on our creativity a lot and it's an interesting detail about asexual people. Lots of kinky people are asexual and it's worth exploring so that people might stop seeing us as robots without desires. A very passionate asexual couple would an interesting story to tell. there are so many different ways to be in the aroace-spec. it is just a name, a label for people who are different, but there are no limits to different. don't try to embrace everyone in one character, no one can feel or have it all. stick to what you belive and what you character tells you about them. don't try to force anything or to make them be like every single person on the spectrum cause it's not possible Please don't make us empty or robotic. I care about my friends and my partner deeply. I felt broken for a very long time and most of the examples of characters I see out there are either the robot trope or are cold and calculating people. I'd love to see characters who navigate an Allo world and either have no interest or just connect to others in different ways - I can appreciate beautiful bodies and consider someone aesthetically attractive, just don't consider sex on the top of things to do. The lack of desire is the most important thing, of course. Characters don't have to be sex-repulsed, but I've seen very few who are, and it'd be really cool to see more of them! I also think it's important to emphasize that ace people can have happy, healthy relationships where the lack of sex just isn't even an issue. These relationships, naturally, can be queer, too! Don't assume that they're totally naive and know nothing about sex, or that they're all repulsed by it. Also people who are aro/ace/aroace-spec are still able to find plenty of things in life to fulfil them without sex or a relationship. There is a TREMENDOUS feeling of disenfranchisement being ace in gay male communities. Where sex has been outlawed and reclaiming it is important to queer movements, my identity has caused discomfort because the idea of repressing sexuality is tied to oppressive systems and there is natural pushback. When writing for queer characters, I would encourage writers not to assume that coming out bestows us with an encyclopedic knowledge of queer histories and identities and we are sometimes unwittingly cruel and othering to one another. Also sex negativity can be part of ace identity but it is not a given. Consider whether the ace character has a relationship with sex that is more economical or practical. Question 3. Who is your favourite self-labelled aro/ace/aroacespec character in a tv show, film or book and why? I don't watch enough tv, and I don't really read things because there's an aro/ ace/aroace-spec character. But I do headcanon many characters as ace or aroace I love Clementine in the book How to Sell Your Blood and Fall in Love by DN Bryn. He’s also great autism rep and I related to him well. He is Demi but like I said, that’s usually what I come across in books, so I don’t relate completely but most of his experience was relatable for me Georgia from Alice Oseman’s Loveless by miles, because it feels like she’s me. Her internal process, the situations she put herself into, everything mirrored my own experience and how I feel. Also I read it at the time when I was still figuring out the aromantic part, and I put myself in a situation similar to her, and when I read it I cried so much because it was the moment it finally dawned on me that I was, in fact, aro. Also, I want to mention Isaac from Heartstopper (TV show), because once again I connected with how he was affected by the others expectations and commentary on his relationship with the other guy. Also, like me, he read Ace by Angela Chen, which was a huge game changer in how I perceived myself and how I undesrtood even more common concepts like “consent”. I hope him reading this book brought attention to it, because it offers great reflections on sexuality not just for a-specs but also for allos. I like Jughead Jones. He’s friendly and a part of the group and adventures, while being accepted exactly how he is. Alastor in Hazbin Hotel. I haven't seen many aro/ace characters in the things I've watched as they are more so in animated shows and I haven't seen many. I really like when it's something that is understood and accepted without making a big deal of it between different characters. That doesn't always feel like real life, but it is the goal in life so it's always nice to see. And hopefully the more it is shown the more it will be accepted. i really like to see karlach from baldurs gate 3 as sex favourable aspec, because she is physically unable to touch anyone and despite being horny all the time after you manage to cool her down a bit, she goes on a romantic date and REALLY likes to kiss and cuddle instead of having sex (although you totally can) Ekundayo Kunleo from Raybearer Nathaniel from Tarnished are the Stars Alastor from Hazbin Hotel (is cannonically ace) Keladry of Mindelan from Tamora Pierce's stories is a good example of someone who doesn't come across as ace (and probably doesn't have the vocab for it to self identify) for a lot of folks but whom the author has said is on the ace spectrum. Sohmeng Parminhal from the Saoni Cycle Series by Avi Silver. I love her bad. Most of the series is her POV so we know her feelings and motivations all the way through. The way her QPR with Hei and *spoilers* Ahn develops is really beautiful to watch and I feel like we get so few Aromantic characters in media especially ones where you see how far they go for people they love and they get to be real and fully fleshed out. I don't even know if I can do justice to this series here, but Avi Silver does amazing work for queer stories and The Saoni Cycle Series has both an Aromantic Protagonist and an Ace Protagonist (in book 2) so it's a good example of writing these characters, in my opinion. I like Nancy from Every Heart a Doorway (Seanan McGuire). She's a cool, richly written character and being ace is only a small part of her personality - there's much more to her and you find out she is ace almost in passing. Most ace representation in TV/film either makes me cringe or is so minimal as to be pretty much negligible. I've read Loveless and I like the way Alice Oseman writes her central character, but I didn't love the book, simply because I don't enjoy YA fiction as much as I used to. (NB: I haven't seen Bojack Horseman and I have only seen one series of Heartstopper, so haven't seen Isaac in full flight yet - I'm not enjoying YA as much as I used to, so I'm slow on the uptake). Don't really have one, because I don't seek out that kind of stories? And again, if they explicitly label themselves as aro/ace/whatever, I often like the story *less*. For me, being aro/ace means being not interested in talking about it either. It's like talking about God with an atheist – what's the point? I think a character can be canonically aroace without using that specific terminology, and to be honest most of my favourite characters don't actively use that label -- probably because I most enjoy reading scifi, fantasy, and historical fiction, so labels that come out of current queer movements aren't necessarily relevant for the characters to be using. I don't read much that's set in the present day on planet earth! However it does severely limit what characters I can name that are explicitly aroace. But some of my faves are Murderbot (from The Murderbot Diaries series), Breq (from the Imperial Radch trilogy), and Strength and Patience of the Hill (from The Raven Tower), all nonhuman intelligences who I find highly interesting and who make it very clear they're not interested in sex or romance. I like how much they're just....exactly themselves, and how they're shown to care deeply about the things and people that are important to them, in their own ways, even if none of them makes a lot of sense to the allo humans around them. I particularly relate to Murderboth and Breq, whose experience of neurodivergence and of relationship to emotions is familiar to me too. One book that's set on modern earth and can be more explicit about these things that I really like is Elatsoe. The main character, Ellie, is explicitly asexual (and probably aromantic) and it's just a fact about her, and there's no ace 101 speeches by characters or narrative. I also really like Zach from That Kind of Guy who is demisexual, and I enjoyed that his character arc, of learning how to say no to people, includes the sexual dimension but isn't limited to the sexual dimension. The kinds of things that make a person who they are will show up in multiple layers of their life! special mention to Enjolras from Les Miserables whose mistress is the country of France. <3 I DON'T find him relatable but I do love him! Todd from Bojack Horseman. It felt like a natural progression of his character and was handled great because it was a facet of him. I also think it’s interesting that the Head Writer spoke about it ‘feeling right’ for Todd to be asexual and later realised that that was probably because of stereotypes and unconscious bias but because they had consultants, he was able to make sure the representation didn’t fall into any stereotypes of unconscious bias. I don't really have one. Isaac from Heartstopper. There is just something so wholesome and relatable about this kid who loves everyone else’s romances but doesn’t need it for himself. Plus, I was sold on him the moment he stood at a sporting event reading a book. That is peak nerd icon behavior. We love to see it. Lilith from The Owl House. I really like how they portrayed her, it was really refreshing. I like how they never tried to put her in a relationship too. Probably Lilith Cawthorne from The Owl House. She’s an interesting character with a well-developed story that takes her from villain to hero. Being ace isn’t part of her story, but it is there in that she doesn’t have a love interest. In the beginning, she comes across as cold, but it’s not related to her being Aspec, and it’s shown she does care about her sister. She’s also a flawed character. She messes things up, makes mistakes, and does things she later regrets. As the series goes on, we see her develop strong relationships with not only her sister but Luz, King, and especially Hooty. I like her because she’s an interesting character who just happens to be aro/ ace. I like her because she’s flawed and not written to be some sort of perfect aro/ace person. Though I would like to throw in an honourable mention for Heartstopper's Isaac, I thought his discovery of asexuality and aromanticism was really nicely done. (I was going to say none, but:) Rukha in The Map and the Territory by A.M. Tuomala. She's so loyal to her friends and interested in people, the fact she's not interested in sex/romance is a really small part of her. I do not have one because there has never been an aro/ace-spec character I relate to. i only know two, and i like them both: isaac from heartstopper and todd from bojack horseman. i like that isaac's story arc follows figuring out sexual identity and does so in a realistic way. he isn't mocked or portrayed as the last sad single in the friend group. todd's asexuality is only explored in a later season of bojack horseman which shows that he is already a full and complete person in himself before the viewer learns why he single and does not want to change that. in both cases, it seems like the writers really informed themselves and did everything to write a realistic and round character. i've never seen one! Lilith from The Owl House! Technically, it isn’t ever directly stated in the show, but there’s promotional material that confirms she’s aro/ace. I love Lilith, her redemption arc, and her entire character. She’s nerdy, charming, and cares fiercely for the people she loves. To be honest, though, I couldn’t think of any other ace and/or aro characters in the media thay I watch! Currently Olivia from HelluvaBoss Georgia in Loveless. Even though she is kiss and sex repulsed, which I'm not, overall her experiences were highly relatable. On one hand, she loves love, so she's highly into romance films and books and just the general idea of love while still being aromantic. She tries to force herself to meet societal expectations in relationships and kissing, etc. But this only made her realize her differences even further. Even so, her hardships were deeply validated by those around her while still holding her accountable for some of her not-so-great actions. technically a game, but i like siffrin form 'in stars and time', but moreso for their character instead of their asexuality I’ll be honest I don’t actually know any off the top of my head. I don't know any. I don’t get to see many ace/aro-spec characters in media. Peridot from Steven Universe is the main example that comes to mind. I like that she could still be a hero while still not participating in fusion, which allegorically represents different sorts of intimacy and relationships. She still got to help save the day in the end, and everyone was ultimately respectful of her boundaries, which I think is very sweet. I struggle to think of any sort of positive/non-token representation, but Isaac from the webcomic Val and Isaac is a pretty good example; he just exudes asexuality even when it isn't made explicit through the text, and he's just super into things and is great at making friendships even without having any sexual interest in anyone else. Probably Todd Chavez, because he's a weird interesting guy in general and the asexuality was a side plot. A lot of us come to the conclusion we're aro/ace as an afterthought, so it doesn't need to be part of an origin story. Elsa, I love the idea that she doesn't need anyone but also doesn't really want anyone. In a TV show, Todd Chavez from Bojack Horseman. I love how happy-go-lucky he is, and how he truly has his own arc of calling people out, setting his own boundaries: -ok with pretending to be someone’s bf/fiance to help someone but not ok with pretending for the rest of his life in a marriage -ok with dating but not ok with forcing himself to be sexual -ok with dating aces who ask him out but not ok with pushing through if the only thing they have in common is being asexual -still willing to be “more than not friends” with a toxic friend, not ok with being treated badly/manipulated/taken for granted in a friendship, etc. He loves to help people with all his free time, but his biggest arc is being able to prioritize and protect himself, and then help people from there. It’s just such a hugely relatable arc that many of us 20-somethings need. I love that in a particularly raunchy world, when he comes out as asexual it is immediately respected, and it’s normalized. He seems to be obliviously part of the movement, as asexuality becomes more of a normal word around him. I love that he has his own personality besides his asexuality; it’s not that his personality is an absence of something nor a list of identities he recites robotically. He has his own adventures, quirks, humor, creativity, optimism, ADHD wacky ideas and ways of thinking, and ways he shows friendship (like making up an emergency to get his friend to leave a party to see fireworks outside because “oh you seemed overwhelmed, so I had to get you out of there.” He also does have his shortcomings and struggles—he wants to get his parents off his back because “I’m happy! why can’t you be happy for me?” when he has a job he enjoys and life he loves. His stepdad is a person of color who witnesses firsthand that Todd indeed has the privilege to be so quirky and wacky without life-threatening consequence. Narratively we empathize with Todd and then also see where he may be shortsighted or flawed. Tv show: Ca$h from Heartbreak High. It felt super realistic and grounded in reality, especially as he also identified as gay as well. The complications with him dating an allosexual person and both of them adapting. His asexuality never felt like it was in the process of erasing. It’s by far the most fleshed out storyline of an ace person I’ve ever seen. Book: Georgia and Sunil from Loveless (by Alice Oseman) Not aro myself but the struggles that Georgia went through with not having sexual attractions and the internalised acephobia felt real. As a gay-ace Asian man, Sunil was basically written for me so I felt so seen and validated. My favorite right now is the main character of Shelley Parker Chan's She who Became the Sun and He who Drowned the World. It's not an important focal point of the character, but it's very explicitly explained that she loves pleasing her wife, but is not interested in the return. Nor is she interested in sex with anyone else. It's simply not a factor in her calculations. The idea of a sexindifferent ace in a historical fiction is very compelling, especially since, in the context of the story, it makes very little difference. It's just a part of who she is. The ones I write :) Because for my characters, their identities are part of a wider, mutually uplifting and beautiful puzzle of who they are. Honestly in the media I consume, there isn’t one. I’m not too sure if it counts, but I have a soft spot for Saiki Kusuo from ‘The Disastrous Life of Saiki K’. I have only seen the anime, but he is heavily implied to be asexual, while the aromanticism is slightly more ambiguous (but still implied). He was the first representation I saw in media while I was still figuring myself out, so of course I love him. (Also the show is funny as hell so) Felicity Montague- The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy While she does not mention she's aroace, the author confirmed it. She was my first aroace character portrayed in a book in a way that felt relatable as the book focuses on friendship and working on your goals. She's ambitious and her story is not focused on her romantic life or lack of it, it is just part of her. Georgia Warr and Sunil Jha - Loveless I wish this book had existed when I was a teen haha. Several of the experiences and thoughts of Georgia were mine when younger and before I discovered asexuality was a thing. For me the importance of Sunil compared to other characters out there is that he KNOWS what he is, he is a comfort and not a character going through discovering his type of attraction. He doesn't hide it and talks about it which I feel most characters out there is just a passing by comment. Tori Spring - Solitaire/ Heartstopper I think is the way she's on the spectrum but she shows her love for her brother and care for others and in general is not an innocent/naive character. However, I while I'm thankful her sexuality is not central to the stories I wish it was explored a little bit more or embraced~ Can't think of any this is just one of my favorites but izutsumi from dungeon meshi. because she's part monster the succubi can't affect her as well, and she wonders if she still has a heart. because of amatonormativity there are aroace ppl that wonder if they're somehow broken bc of their lack of sexual/romantic attraction Todd from Bojack Horseman. I love the way they gradually introduced his aceness, it wasn't a defining part of his character, although later there's a whole episode about his brief relationship with an out and proud ace girlfriend. He says at one point, 'I'm not gay, I'm not straight, I think I might be...nothing?' and I found that relatable. He just seems not interested - including in the labelling of it. I barely know any. You’ll probably get this one a lot but Todd from Bojack Horseman was a great intro to asexuality. They actually explored the ace spectrum and put an ace relationship on screen. And when their relationship ended, it had nothing to do with their sexual orientations. I honestly don’t consume much media that features aro/ace characters. The only two that come to mind are Todd Chavez from Bojack Horseman and Ekundayo from Jordan Ifueko’s “Raybearer.” I specifically remember feeling Todd’s exploration as being deeply relatable, especially as his asexuality was not conflated with aromanticism, as often happens. Amm from Friend Zone 2 Dangerous Area. It's a Thai show and I have loved Thai dramas since I was 13 so it was a huge deal. She falls in love with a girl and realizes she's asexual. It's a wlw relationship so yeah, I WANT THAT FOR ME. I pretty much only watch anime. I haven't seen anyone claim this. Ellie from Kiss her once for me. This book was really comforting for me as it showed the kind of relationship I crave regularly. It follows Ellie a woman who identifies as a Demisexual lesbian as she falls in love, has her heart broken and enters into a fake relationship. Overall I love it because it doesn't fully focus on her sexuality since it is not an issue for the person she is falling in love with. I think this tactic of not focusing on her sexuality really is comforting when dealing with Aspec characters as so much of our romantic lives (at leas in my case) focuses on if someone will accept my identity. Im not familiar with any I really love Gerry (Geraldine) in Sarah Wallace’s Meddle & Mend series. She is demiromantic (not said in the text, due to the Regency England-inspired setting, but confirmed by the author). She is a multi-faceted character living a full life, having a career, friends, family, hobbies, etc. Demiromanticism is a definite part of her life, but not her only characteristic. She is affectionate and kind to everyone (except when they really don’t deserve it), which is nice to see due to the stereotype that aroace people are always cold and unfriendly. I don't know if I have one at the moment because they all fall into certain tropes. The closest one would be Georgia from Loveless cuz I can relate to her but that's a personal thing not something I necessarily think we need more of. I just read Dear Wendy and both main characters Jo and Sophie are aroace and I haven't read many (if any) books with characters who are both asexual and aromantic and I could relate so much to both of them. The main characters in His Quiet Agent, MM asexual romance book. Sulvain from Novae. I don't really know of many... he's the only one I can think of, but I like him because he is affectionate and in a sexual relationship, but it takes him a while to warm up and he has to do the awkward explaining of it all to his partner. But outside of those explicit scenarios, it doesn't change him at all. Todd from Bojack horseman. His experiences were very relatable. Its also nice to see male asexual characters since it doesn't feel common. Women are told we aren't asexual, that's it's just part of how women feel attraction. But men are told they can't be asexual or they are less manly. So in my opinion it's nice to see men have asexual characters. That it's ok to be a man and asexual and it's not some woman trait. Its a valid orientation for everyone. You know, I don't think I've ever come across a canon one. This is so sad because I literally do not know any. I've not felt represented in any of the media I've known. But I will make a shoutout to the character Sal in Sal and Gabi Breaks the Universe by Carlos Hernandez. I don't have the quote pulled up, but there's a moment where the adults are saying something to him about oh, is that your girlfriend or something like that, and he clearly shuts them down with a clever remark about not having that kind of thing on his radar at all and they all just honor and accept it. Unfortunately none spring to mind to me except for the pretty small character from one of the early seasons of Sex Education. But having a sex therapist validate someone as asexual is still noteworthy because I’ve had a lot of concerns about how discussing my asexuality with medical providers could be tricky (“Oh, why do you need PrEP then?” or “We can check your hormones” and things like that) I don't have one. honestly I don't think about it too much. I feel like a lot of the aroace characters represent a specific group of people. I'm still trying to find a character on the spectrum that makes me feel a little more seen I can't think of any self labelled ace characters in any of my media. That's definitely Todd Chavez from BoJack Horseman! He's not perfect, but I love that while he had storylines that revolved around his asexuality (See: The ace dating app), he also had storylines that had nothing to do with his orientation. It wasn't his whole identity, just one part of it. I like Isaac from the TV version of 'Heartstopper' - I watched his scenes and felt like I could relate to them, although he's also aromantic while I'm ace but biromantic. I cannot think of a compelling specifically labeled ace character from media. Question 4 Who is a character you interpreted as aro/ace/aroacespec in a tv show, film or book and why? Many, mostly because sexual tension doesn't really click in my mind. Because I just recently watched Haikyuu movie, Kenma Neil Josten in the All For The Game series my Nora Sakavic. He often says “I don’t swing” when people ask him if he’s gay ir straight. His character is obviously on the asexual spectrum but I don’t think it’s ever mentioned on the page. But him saying that was one of the things that helped me realize I was ace. I’m going to say Reyna from The Heroes of Olympus (an Trials of Apollo) by Rick Riordan. I think in canon she’s supposed to be hetero-romantic ace, but I think she reads as aromantic too. I’m not really sure Riordan was really thinking this, but, as I see it, her reasoning behind why she wanted to be both with Jason and Percy was merely logical. It was about how usually the two camp leaders tend to couple up, so it had to do with societal expectations and power moves. When Jason returns as Piper’s boyfriend, I’ve always read Reyna’s hurt as feeling betrayed and bruised ego, because they were close before he left and moving towards becoming a couple; to me she doesn’t come off as heartbroken. On the other hand, I don’t really see explicitly the ace part of the character, because they are middle grade books and the description of feelings tends to be very PG. I actually feel that she was written with “aroace” in mind (and not even necessarily since her first appearance), but muddling the terminology with simply “asexual”. Newt Scamander, he’s lovely, but never seems interest in kissing. Wednesday Addams from Wednesday. I love how relationships were just not something of interest to her and the one person that kept trying to push it on her ended up being evil so it was seen as a bad thing that he was always trying to push her rather than romantic like in some shows. I hate when characters push another into something they clearly don't want and it is seen as such a beautiful love story when in reality it is super toxic (the Notebook in my unpopular take). todd from bojack horseman is a very good depiction of the struggles one might face as an aspec person Michael from The Good Place. There's this great quote he has about kissing=gross (just mashing foodholes together). He is able to build deep and meaningful relationships but its never about attractions or romance. And yeah, so he's technically a fire-squid in a human suit, but in the end he becomes human! And he doesn't seek romance or sex but gets himself a dog. If you're a gamer, I also personally interpret Aloy from the Horizon series as aroace spec. *note a lot of people in the community say Katniss Everdeen is ace/ code her that way. I personally don't. It's a good example of where sometimes views can diverge* I'm going to give you two: Ria Khan from Polite Society and Hobie Brown from Across the Spiderverse. For Ria, when I look at her focus on her career prospects and exactly how far she went to stop her sister's marriage it kind of screamed Aro at me, because I don't really relate to romance that much and I only kind of understand it, but it's also really clear that it came from a place of love for her sister and not wanting to be left behind, both of which are extremely relatable feelings. In the case of Hobie, they did this thing where they tried to make it seem like Hobie and Gwen could have been a thing in order to make Miles jealous, but it's really obvious that Hobie wasn't feeling or even paying attention to whatever those implications were. He was just really into helping and hanging out with his friends, and overthrowing oppressive regimes. If your Aro-spec character is not the main main character, I think Hobie is a good example of an Aro side character. 1. Francesca and Eloise Bridgerton Francesca has fallen in love (and will do so again) so I read her more as demi. Eloise still comes across as gloriously ace to me - she just seems completely uninterested in relationships, and seems content to be who she is. I like how both of these characters are written. Francesca seems to represent the internal conflict that comes with being expected by society to put the search for a suitor above all else. 2. Moana. I read Moana as ace simply because she is fiercely independent and never seems to show any interest whatsoever in finding a partner (let's see how the second movie pans out!!) This is my favourite kind of ace rep (even if it isn't official!) I like seeing people thrive without romantic love. 3. Elsa from Frozen. There has been some debate around this. Elsa has been forced into isolation by her powers, but I like how she eventually becomes content with who she is and embraces her independence. 4. Sherlock Holmes (although this is a slightly problematic portrayal) Sherlock Holmes!!! (esp. the B. Cumberbatch version). I *hated* that everyone did M/M fic of him and Watson. Hated it. Sherlock Holmes is not a sexual creature at all in my headcanon. Leave him alone, let him be weird!!! Let him have friends (or foes, in the case of Irene Adler eg) that give him intellectual stimulation but don't take his clothes off. hahahaha SO MANY! I'm very good at interpreting characters as a-spec, and in fact could come up with a way of looking at just about any character that would fit with them being a-spec. Some easy gimmes include Little Ash and the angel from When the Angels Left the Old Country, the Doctor from Doctor Who, Aziraphale and Crowley from the book Good Omens, Sherlock Holmes from the Arthur Conan Doyle stories, and Ling Wen from Heaven Official's Blessing, all of whom are characters who arrange their lives to not involve romantic/sexual partners and find fulfillment in other kinds of relationships (chevrusa, companion, colleague, roommate, friends) and in the things they devote their energy to (studying Torah, exploring the universe, avoiding the politics of heaven/hell to hang out with humans, solving mysteries, knowing everything). But honestly I can't help but accidentally read everyone as aroace unless there's explicit canon evidence of them saying/showing them experiencing regular sexual and romantic attraction. The Doctor from Doctor Who (specifically the 12th Doctor). Just felt right for their characterisation of Capaldi’s lack of any sexual-ness (even his relationship with River feels like a soul connection rather than a flirtatious sexually-charged relationship as it did with 11). Crowly and Azeraphel in Good Omens (maybe romantic... maybe... but not so much with the sexual), The Doctor in Doctor Who (some of the iterations of the Doctor may be a little romantic but in general they all seems at least asexual) Obi-Wan Kenobi. Fun fact many SW fans consider him bisexual (being bi is canon for him) but I see him as biromantic. Sure, being a Jedi limits him on physical and romantic relationships. But, I just love the idea that a protector of the galaxy can be a strong, multifaceted character, AND not get bogged down with sex and romance. He gets to be himself and travel galaxies. You gotta admit that’s super cool. Plus LIGHTSABERS I really like Riz Gukgak from Fantasy High (even though he's not canon aroace as far as I know, but that's a headcanon I like a lot since I really relate to him). I related to him with his struggle to fit in, and making up a fake partner in season two to fit in with his friends who have all had some kind of relationship. Errr. The only character I’ve ever really interpreted as ace/aro was Octavia Goetia from Helluva Boss, but she’s recently been confirmed as ace anyway. And I don’t really know why I saw her as that... just vibes I guess. I really liked to imagine the Angels in Good Omens as Ace, although it's probably not the right label since an allosexual Angel would be doing something their species was not designed for. But I did like the idea of a whole class of people with no reason to experience sexual attraction. I have not interpreted any character as aro/ace-spec. no one comes to mind right now, but even at sixteen / seventeen, i enjoy watching children's movies because they explore other forms of love that are really important to me: friendship and family. these forms of love are often shifted to the side when movies have an older target audience. i think gideon jura from magic the gathering is acespec! he's a classic swordand- sandals hero who has women constantly throwing themselves at him, and he always turns them down very politely so he can go back to giving his friends the best hugs they've ever experienced. Kaz, from Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom, as well as the tv show adaptation, Shadow and Bone. Kaz is shown to be touch averse, struggle with forming a romantic relationship with Inej (who he clearly cares deeply about), and finds a lot of romantic things uninteresting. Obviously, this doesn’t automatically make him asexual, and a lot of his traits can be attributed to trauma, but in a lot of his behaviors I felt seen and understood. I don’t think he was intended to be read that way, but that’s how I read him. He’s also flawed, and shows that being ace and/or aro isn’t always sunshine and rainbows and totally perfect. This may sound silly but Frank Castle from the Netflix Punisher show. He never shows interest in relationships or sex or people even tho he cares. The Twelfth Doctor in Doctor Who. He seemed to be surrounded by people engaging in more overt forms of romanticism and asexuality while being oblivious to it or not fully getting it. At the same time, he had very deep connections with others and cared profoundly for them. Even with River Song, which he does kiss and has a more romantic relationship to, it stays in that realm with deep connection. She is a more sexual character yet he doesn't change his ways while still responding to her cues. When kissing Missy in his first season, nit also felt like he demonstrated arousal but completely independent from sexual attraction which is more of a first encounter type thing. can't think of any. sorry My answers may differ from some people here simply because I don’t actually like this aspect of myself very much, so if I see it in characters I have to confront it in myself as well. It’s hard for me to visualize it in characters, I think, because of this lack of acceptance for myself. Saiki K! He knows what he wants and doesn't change his mind. He finds fulfillment in ways other than sex/romance. Yuri Katsuki from Yuri! on Ice. Because he's shown to have passing romantic attraction to one of his friends, that fizzled down with time, and not much more. And he's portrayed not knowing how to connect with his sexuality because he has never put thought to it, but he's not portrayed as innocent and naive about it either. It's just something he never thought about. It’s difficult for me to pick just one. I often find myself projecting my asexuality onto characters because I struggle to imagine what being allosexual would be like (#AutismMoment). If I had to pick one… maybe Naoto Shirogane from Persona 4, a game which has also been adapted to anime and manga. During her Social Link, Naoto has this to say about a love letter in her locker: “I have no time to be dilly-dallying with callow love affairs… Saying they love me without even knowing me… Ludicrous.” It’s a sentiment that resonates with me a lot. The way most people become attracted to people they don’t really know, or become fixated on attraction when they have so much else going on in their lives, is very alien to me. Even when I experience romantic attraction, it’s in the context of a pre-existing bond, and I’m still thinking about other things! Elsa as stated above and maybe Merida. She was also very set on not wanting a man but that could mean nothing. Wednesday Addams, because her priorities are elsewhere. She is in contrast to her very passionate allosexual parents. In the latest show Wednesday, she protects her brother fiercely and later her parents, though she shows her love differently than anyone would expect, and her arc is NOT about changing how she expresses it. The show subverts a lot of tropes about the tough, sworn-off-men girl who “learns to love.” She says a lot of lines like “I should have been with you” or “you opened my eyes” but they are subversions because she’s either speaking platonically to the kid who reminds her of her brother; or convicting a murderer before she smashes his kneecaps with a hammer. Sure she gives kissing boys a try—aces can experiment. But her arc isn’t about learning to love like that—she learns something else instead. Her apologies aren’t to boys for not returning attraction sooner—her apologies are for the way she treated her friends. Usually in media this type of character finally smiles or finally cries bc they’ve finally got a crush. Not Wednesday. The time we see her genuinely brighten up is when she sees Uncle Fester; the time we see her genuinely scream and cry in grief it’s when trying to save Thing from dying (“Thing, if you die, I will KILL YOU.”) The time we see her quietly let someone care about her, it’s with Enid who’s tried so hard all this time to be her friend. The time we see her visit the hospital and speak to an unconscious person, it’s the kid that reminds her of her brother. All of her arc for how she does show love and care for people has nothing to do with her “learning to love” romantically and sexually. She hates people (and vampires) fanging in front of her. She finds flirting an “emotional morse code” and waste of time. But if you break her friend’s heart, she’ll destroy you. If you attack her brother, she’ll drop piranhas and make sure you never repopulate. She doesn’t become romantic. She just shows her care all the more fiercely. Peridot from Steven Universe. She’s the only character in the show who has no interest in fusing (equivalent to having relationships in the SU world both sexual and romantic) and is clearly very okay with that. I'm not often given to headcanonization, but I've recently heard the reading of Batman as asexual, and it filled me with joy. After all, he's resistant to supernatural agents affecting attraction, and he rarely gets distracted by what might otherwise be played up as sexual tension, but he does have romantic attachments, and clearly sex within them. I like to think he's demi like me. This is an odd answer but here goes - Elsa in Frozen. I read her as aroace because she demonstrates how being an effective, driven and selfless leader really means being devoted to the people you are bound to protect at any cost. That devotion mirrors more traditional romantic relationships, but it is driven by a different set of impulses and different aspects of one's character. I guess Elsa from Frozen. John Wick, heteroromantic Ace king There is a character named Shu Yanyan from ‘Devil Venerable Also Wants to Know’. She is a demonic cultivator, specifically of the dual cultivation path (iykyk.. if not, it’s basically sex). She has intimate relations with many characters for her own power and motivations, yet she herself says she has no interest in people romantically. My headcanons for her switch around from lesbian asexual to aroace to demisexual to aromantic hypersexual, I can honestly see her as any of those. And she’s all for consent so she’s a queen in my books. Sherlock Holmes - Holmes (BBC) He is minding his business and having adventures without showing interest on romance or sexual desires per se. In a world with tons of stories focused on romance and hypersexualization we need stories where you can have a break and are a breath of fresh air that does not make you miss that part. I know he is supposed to repress his desires but that could be only him repressing his libido which is quite different from feeling attraction. Dr. Spencer Reid - Criminal minds Super smart and attractive because of that and being kind. His lack of romantic interest most of the time just shows you can have a life doing your job and caring about your team or have romantic feelings without the sex you know? Jo March - Little Women (2019) Her monologue and saying she can't love Laurie the way he wants to, made me cry so much and was so relatable. She was ambitious and focused her energy in her dreams and family and showed that was OK but that monologue still makes me cry whenever I watch it. Eloise Bridgerton - Bridgerton she could be an amazing ace representation but I know I'm asking for too much in a franchise focused on romance and sex lol. However so far, I feel she is relatable by her zero interest and only finding someone romantically interesting after connecting with him, and still not showing sexual interest or curiosity on the topic. Some of Ali Hazelwood characters being on the spectrum is nice and relatable as a cis woman and demisexual but wish they were openly ace and mentioned more than just being a possibly ace since I can relate up to certain point. Sherlock Homes is the epitome of aroace. People love to interpret him as gay and ship him with Watson, but the guy was Just Not Interested. He had a big emotional attachment to Watson, but he wasn't attracted to him. Likewise, he had a great respect for Irene Addler, but he was not attracted to her. the 10th doctor from doctor who. Hear me out guys. a GIGANTIC part of his character arc deals with how because he's a near immortal alien he can't be a proper romantic partner to rose, and his platonic friends will always in some way find a romantic partner that they will care about more than him. i say 10 specifically bc in the show's history aroace-coding was just a shorthand for making the doctor more weird and alien, but 10 is essentially a version of the doctor with a human heart - he loves with one heart and not two. which makes the aroace-coding he was given resonate harder with me Hermione from HP, for a long time. I was annoyed when she eventually got it together with Ron as I thought it wasn't her nature. Katness [bleeping] Everdeen!!! Demi af. All of her romantic scenes felt in service to the love interests or other external factors. She *did* love them—they were massively important people to her. But you can’t convince me that she loved them the way they loved her. She molded her love to match theirs because she didn’t want to hurt/lose them. And the few moments she has that would “indicate” otherwise wouldn’t invalidate her as being demi. I haven’t read the books since I was a teenager so I was probably projecting to an extent. But adult me will die on this hill Maybe a little unexpected, but Bilbo Baggins. No mention of sex/sexuality at all throughout The Hobbit, and yet…There’s something about Bilbo that makes me nod sagely and go “Yes, he is me.” The comfortable life, wanting of nothing. He doesn’t need (nor want, it seems) a partner. Perhaps this was a function of the narrative, to make him more likeable in that if he had a partner/family he would have to essentially abandon them (or Gandalf wouldn’t have chosen him at all). But I suspect, given Tolkien’s descriptions and writing of “romance” in the Lord of the Rings trilogy (look at Goldberry, look at the budding love between Faramir and Èowyn, tell me you don’t see it!), that Tolkien might have been on the aro/ace spectrum, and that would make more sense for Bilbo as well. Really drawing a blank. But I think Kongthap from My Love Mix Up is demiromantic and demisexual maybe. He just fits well with it. Sunakawa Makoto in My Love Story. I head canon him as at least aro. He has no push to date, despite having hundreds of women confess their undying love to him. He has stated thinking about romance just makes him tired. (Same, bro. Same.) The first character I remember interpreting as Aspec was (and still is) Castiel from Supernatural. He was and remains one of my favourite characters in media, his rather oblivious and naive nature was something I identified with and through the many season never seemed to show outright sexual feelings to anyone. He is loving and compassionate however when contrasted with the other leads of the show he was always shown confused by sexual acts and saw them more as experiments. I interpret Twyla Boogeyman from monster high as demiromantic due to her requiring a connection before she has crushes on people It’s been a long time since I watched it, and I didn’t watch every season, but I remember thinking the school counselor in Glee was very much coded as on the asexual spectrum. She showed a lot of sex-repulsion or sex-aversion, and assured students that they never “had” to have sex, even after they were married. To be clear, her saying that to students seemed to go beyond allusions to SA, coming across as very sex-repulsed asexual. Despite The Doctor having various romantic relationships, I've always read them as queer and on the aroace spectrum. Also for obvious reasons Elsa from Frozen due to her lack of focus on romantic relationships and her focus on family and community. Spencer reid from Criminal Minds. I've seen him as ace because he doesn't seem to be sexually attracted to anyone but he does seem to want a romantic relationship. No one comes to mind right now. I'm sure there's been many, but I can't think of any right now :( The first character I saw that looked asexual was Dexter. The serial killer TV show. He felt like he had similar experience with love and sex in the season one. Even later in the seasons, feeling a bond with someone later he could possibly be demisexual. As much as I liked the ace experiences, it's unfortunate the character is considered an anti hero/ villain. I always felt Daryl from the Walking Dead came across as ace until the last season happened. He seemed so much more interested in platonic relationships. I honestly generally end up interpreting most characters as aro/ace/aroacespec unless they are shown specifically to be allo via their own words or thoughts, because I don't have a frame of mind that would interpret any specific actions as being romantic or implying sexual interaction. Alex Truelove from the 2018 Netflix Romantic Comedy “Alex Strangelove” like yes on one hand the whole “Young boy is nervous about having sex with his high school sweetheart” story is a little trite but like, the signs were going towards an asexual biromantic self discovery moment where he clearly has romantic interest in his girlfriend, and then another boy, but still seems unsure about sex, and then it turned out he was gay and repressed due to a moment of childhood bullying?? Like, damn, not only is he not ace but he’s also closeted due to trauma? Like, nobody wins there. I think barbie felt like an homoromantic asexual character. But again it also felt like they were depicting this side of her very robotic and non-human like. It felt like she couldn't be sexual because she was a doll, a plaything and she didn't have genitals. This usually what happens when we see an asexual representation. Somehow it almost always fails. Darius from the jurassic world series. he seems so connected to the world that he doesn't give signs of any romantic or sexual interest No one in particular though I often feel disappointed when characters loop towards sex/romance. I'd like to say maybe Mako Mori from Pacific Rim? I love the way she's focused and still has a connection to those around her that's strong but not sexual. Also - I like the interpretation of Jessica Rabbit as ace a lot. Y'know, despite being in fandom for half of my life, I genuinely can't think of any. Media is just so sex-oriented these days! It's honestly super disheartening. Oddly enough, two Disney princesses - Merida from 'Brave' and Elsa from 'Frozen'. Neither shows an interest in getting a prince, just in living their best life. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. But this is incidentally done by way of an author removing sexuality from a situation which is also diminishing. Asexual is not a lack of orientation, it is one in and of itself. Question 5. What is your least favourite cliche, stereotype or trope for aro/ace/aroace-spec character? That they are robotic/have no emotions I guess? My least favorite thing is when shows, usually doesn’t happen in books, say an asexual character is the least sexual being in existence or something to that effect. I know it’s ignorance but it grates That they (any character, actually) talk like encyclopedias when explaining the terminology and the forms of attraction. That we are frigid. That someone ace can't have a fulfilling relationship or someone aro can't have a fulfilling sex life. And if someone is aroace they won't have a fulfilling life in general within their friendship and life goals. Anything saying they are fundamentally missing out on something in life is just a form of homophobia and an attempt to force someone into a box of what that person believes life is based on their own assumptions. It's very harmful. -being called prude/immature/stuck up -you havent found the right one yet but please do include insiders such as the black ring, garlic bread, cake and dragons somehow :) ah yes, the cold standoffish ace. in the case of Elsa, the literal ice queen. The one who struggles with all relationships and connections. the entire story revolving around a panic of not wanting sex That being Ace or Aro is boring. It's not necessarily a stereotype, bit because of how big romance is in media, Aro and Ace Characters tend to get relegated to the background, are not properly explored and are kind of forgotten. But we have complicated relationships too with our friends and with our families, or for those of us who choose to try and date that's a really scary journey. We're not quiet, at least not all of us all the time, we can be loud and opinionated and the life of the party. Do not make us robots, or the quiet friend, or forgotten, have us engage with people. I love people! Just not like that. I don't mind the bookish introvert ace, but we've seen a lot of it. I don't like when asexuality is conflated with loneliness or some kind of 'lack'. That being ace means you never have sex, obviously. Or that aromantic means you don't *understand* what romance is. I get it, I just don't care for it. Aro/ace characters don't have to be emotionally stunted, socially awkward or antisocial. They can be warm and friendly and funny and well-rounded in every way, they're just not trying to get into everyone's pants all the time. They also don't have to be harshly outspoken against other ppl's relationships! I don't care about what other people do! You do you. Stop painting us a bitter loners with no joy in our lives. Hate, hate, hate when characters try to convert an unwilling character to be less ace, it always turns into coercion and SA-adjacent things. The whole you just haven't me the right person yet! thing is fucking exhausting. Hate grand displays of affection in public. Romantic comedies are horrible. I hate how sex is portrayed as some kind of goal or milestone that says something about the closeness or intimacy of a relationship. Like you're not a real couple if you haven't had sex yet. any given stereotype or trope is, tbh, something that SOMEONE out there on the a-spectrum finds resonates with them. The important thing, I think, is for there to be a variety of representation out there in the world so none of us feels like one particular vision of what it means to be aro/ace/aroace is taking up all the airspace at our expense. Which means that what we need is more a-spec characters, of a wide variety of types! though for me personally what I'm not into reading is the kind of character who makes their identity their whole personality and who is ready to drop everything to give ace 101 speeches at a moment's notice. I'd rather read about characters who are too busy doing the things that they ARE interested in, to bother thinking about the things they're not. Sheldon Cooper type characters. When asexual type tendencies are lumped in with making a character ‘weird’. Ace is robotic and unemotional and/or naive and infantilized. Aro is promiscuous and unfulfilled in some way seeking meaningless sex to cope with other issues. That asexuals have to live their lives alone and without love. Always portraying aroace characters as these cold, sarcastic people. Of course, it's fine since people are diverse but it gets tiring when it's done so much. That we’re childish or immature and need to be fixed, I hate that so much. This is not something I need to grow out of, and there’s nothing wrong with me. Aro/Ace is kind of an inchoate identity or family of identities, because it's about not having this drive, or not having *enough* of it to meet society's expectations. When an ace person comes out to someone they trust, just saying I'm Ace is probably going to give the person a pretty flat idea of their situation. Also, when writing an ace person in a relationship with an allo, I'd like to see this treated as an opportunity for creativity, rather than a problem to be overcome. That we're emotionless and unhappy people who aren't fulfilled unless we find a way to be in a sexual/romantic relationship. an aro/ace/aroace-spec character being portrayed as incomplete, unsexy and/ or sad! i am robot! i have no emotions! what is this thing you call love? i only love The Mathematics. I hate when ace/aro people are infantilized or treated like a totally sexless robot. There was a controversy on Twitter where an aro/ace woman (Yasmin Benoit) announced that she was leading the London Pride parade. She wore a “revealing” outfit, and there was a lot of hate direct towards her because of it. But aro and/or ace people can wear revealing clothes, or have sex, or engage in other types of intimacy! In general, I hate the trope of the “pure” aro/ace character who doesn’t get sex jokes and/or is “anti-sex”. That they’re robotic. Showing characters as emotionless and child-like. On a personal basis, I don't usually think of romance/sex out of arousal or immediate attraction regularly but I have spend more time than anyone I know researching, trying to understand attraction, analyzing how it works with characters and people around me and such. I am not clueless as to how it works for other people, it just doesn't work that way for me. Just avoid infantilization. Also do not like the finding the one tropes who change it all. The capacity for those deep connections is present from the get-go and also present with friends. using aro people can still be in romantic relationships (and the same for ace) as an excuse to have a relationship completely indistinguishbale from an allo one Probably that being ace inherently means you’re completely barriered from the desire for sex. I think like anything there’s a spectrum to it, but the only times I can recall seeing it on screen is when it’s the ace person forming a boundary with sex and then the other character having to grapple with that and decide how to proceed. I don’t want to be something to grapple with because of that when I already have a hard enough time finding myself worthy of that sort of affection in general. That it's a choice! When they are portrayed as unfeeling or apathetic; or when they're portrayed as looking or trying to fix themselves because there's something wrong with them I really dislike when being ace/aro-spec is treated as something “lesser” about a character. It also sometimes bothers me in explicit fiction when asexuality is basically hand-waved away in a sexual relationship. While we can still have sex, our relationship with sex is often different to allosexual people. We might not have as high a libido, or we may have different boundaries around what acts we do and don’t want to participate in. It makes me sad seeing these things ignored. That we're broken and can be cured (fuck that episode of House, M.D. in particular). Naive, easily repulsed, undesirable They are innocent and are oblivious to the world around them That it's an illness that can be cured That a single adult (maybe aroace) character just needs to learn to get over whatever trauma/insecurity/ego keeps them single, and fix that. That friends of different genders just need to learn to get over whatever denial/ prudishness/ego keeps them “just friends,” and admit they’re meant to be romantic partners or else they lose each other forever. (Any of those people could have been queer or aro/ace) And any use of “asexual” as an insult to mean prude, virgin, or unattractive. I know that may have been a use historically when men were trying to insult the feminist movement, but it’s not an insult now. Asexual doesn’t mean WE’RE unattractive, it means *everyone else* is! (jk) - we can be “fixed” or cured” -“you’re just confused” - we are prudes - we are all neurodivergent - childlike/innocent - “are you a plant” - we are introverted and have no friends - we are all celibate - not feeling ace enough - “the A in LGBTQIA+ stands for ally!” - the fact we all want to invade Denmark because their military force is outnumbered by aces Hard to pick a least favorite. I hate the 'trauma made me ace' one, though I know it does affect some people that way irl. I hate the 'all aces will NEVER want sex' idea. I especially dislike the assumption that all aces are aro and vice versa, since that is very often untrue. My least favorite stereotypes is aro/ace/aroace-spec people are robotic Someone who is childish, infantile, weak and/or vulnerable. Not saying that ace and aro characters must be invulnerable or always domineering badasses - not at all! But the association of ace and aro identities with immaturity can be really problematic if there is nothing else there filling out a character. You can make a character that is sex repulsed because that’s a valid part of the community. But don’t rely on that for cheap humor or “fish out of water” scenarios I don’t enjoy the stereotype that aroace people are cold, logical, serious, and apathetic people. Going hand in hand with that would be the how the clothing is often incredibly modest or baggy. I don’t know how to best describe it, so apologies if my explanation doesn’t make sense. But the best way I can describe it is in comparison with gay men’s stereotypes, how media portrayal and even real life views will believe gay men to be effeminate, almost “dainty”. And when gay men aren’t that stereotype, they can hear things like “oh you don’t look/act gay”. It’s a similar premise there. There was some twitter acephobia that went on just a little bit ago when an asexual person lead a pride parade wearing “sexual/revealing” clothing. It is harmful and invalidating, to be told you “cannot be aro/ace” because of the way you dress or the way you act. People are allowed to wear what they want, it is not a reflection on their sexualities or gender identities. Again, apologies if they didn’t make any sense. At work while filling this out, so I’m a little brain dead haha. Being naive or innocent on sexual topics. Often portrayed as loners or side characters because they are boring or weirdos. If they are sex favorable it feels like the story is focused on the moment they find a person and have sex, implying they are fixed. Aces not being able to be attractive physically because we are not supposed to get that type of attention. Being pretty or popular or dressing in some way does not have to be linked to be allosexual all the time. That they're all sex-repulsed. Some are, sure, but that usually is the result of childhood trauma of being raised in a society that places a huge amount of your personal value on how fuckable you are (especially for women). Sexrepulsion is not inherent to your sexual orientation, and is an entirely separate thing going on in your mental makeup. mentioned this in the previous answer but when being aroace is used as a shorthand to make a character more alien or monstrous - so i LOVE narratives that flip this on its head like izutsumi or the 10th doctor where their humanity is reinforced by the story and it's unquestionable that they care deeply for others Being a prude/hating sex/asexuality is always a result of trauma. That we are all autistic or can't relate to people. I'm very empathetic and caring! That those people all do not have sex. That is untrue. Or that they are all small and shy. That they all wear glasses and dungaress and would be book worms or other nerds. I think the infantilization is legit messed up. No one wants to be treated like a child—especially not for as some thing as none-of-your-buisness as sex and sexuality. Aro/allo doesn’t get enough rep to have a cliche ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Complete celibacy. Many people on the ace spectrum do have (good!) sex, especially in mixed-libido relationships. And many masturbate. Some might enjoy kink/bondage without penetrative sex. Sexual health is part of physical/ mental health, and many people need (or simply enjoy) the release. (Remember: spectrum!) That you have to be both??? Like so many people read Merida or Elsa to be asexual when they mean aromantic. Like these are Disney characters, do you really think these characters are related to sex? NO. They have no romantic interests. We don't feel love because we don't feel romantic love. Or we cannot commit in a relationship. Or that we just like having sex/slut shaming. That we are cold, don't like children. The Ace character that can't be in a relationship. The stick in the mud trope where a character is essentially robotic and a follower of rules because apparently ace folks are boring Most aroace rep are characters are who are both aromantic and asexual and have no interest in ever having sex. There are a lot of people who experience that, so I don’t want that representation to go away at all. I just want to see more diversity in the kinds of aroace characters out there! That we're all bookish quiet nerds. That we're all white. That we all hate sex. That we have no emotions or are like robots. I am incredibly emotional and care very much for my friends and family. Romantic relationships are not the end all be all. Making the character really quirky or odd in some way which seems like the author is trying to make up for something. I want to feel like they’re a normal person. Not Sheldon from Big Bang Theory. Heh, why bother having sex when I can read books all day? Is a pretty tired trope. A stereotype is ace/aro people must have a mental illness, disability or be the villain. I've not come across any ace characters myself so haven't seen any stereotypes, but I guess there must be one out there that people think being ace means you don't know how to love. That they're broken, or that they can be fixed or make an exception for the one. The “robotic and unfeeling person is also asexual/aromantic” reading that applies to people like Sheldon Cooper. Plus the whole “they just need the right person, like Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, to make them sexual/romantic” corollary to that. I also personally find that media that tries too hard to go in the opposite direction can miss. Like, “oh wow! This person is ace? When they’re so flirtatious and outgoing??” says, to me, that an ace person having those traits is so shocking and abnormal that it goes against type I don't like how they portray us like psychopaths without emotional depth. Like Sherlock for instance. They usually go for that route and it's actually very irritating. probably being 100% sex/romance-repulsed. though I know there's a lot of people out there that feels this way. it's just less appealing to me Ace = Robot or Cold. I don't like the take that for example BBC's Sherlock is ace just because he's quite horrible to the female character that's interested in him. Ace = narcissist/egotistic/ autistic is infuriating to me. The broken I need you to fuck me to fix me ace. We are not broken, and sex will not change who we are. It's really gross, to be honest. Them being naive and / or childlike, and also them automatically dressing modestly - we can wear what we want like anyone else. I mentioned this above, but characters struggling with identity do not find and become gatekeepers of all knowledge. Asexual characters can be just as ignorant of asexuality as they navigate what that means. That might also mean trying on identities. This means authors will need to remember that they know things their characters do not. Question 6. What’s one thing you’d really like to see in an aro/ace/ aroace-spec character? intimacy that does not mean sexual or romantic Acceptance. As ace people we get enough questions from friends and family that can’t possible understand our experience, and growing up I questioned myself and tried to “fix” myself which led to a lot of bad decisions made under the influence of drugs and alcohol just so I could fit in with what everyone else was doing. I would love to see a character that more readily accepts themselves, whether they had a role model or parent that shows them that it’s ok to be just as they are and helps them from a young age to accept themselves. I’d like to see demi characters with well developed bonds and relationships, so the attraction (wether romantic or sexual) is believable. I’d like to see characters with different degrees of interest in sex and desire, so they don’t always fall in the cliché of how the characters can’t their hands off each other. And finally, I’d like to see fully fleshed-out characters who happen to be a-spec (and of course that impacts their life and world perception) but whose main plot line revolves about other aspects of their life. Someone that is accepted as is, and included in friend groups and adventures. Just having a fulfilling life trying to fit in in a world you dont seem to belong into, dealing with confusion about yourself (something must be wrong with me) and slowly accepting that it is not you that is broken, but society's stance on relationships and sex I'd love to see someone comfortable in their own damn skin. I knew who I was from a young age, but I didn't have the words for it. Having a character on the same journey is fantastic, but I also love the character that you can aspire to be, you know. To show that hey, this person is freaking ACE. (in all possible ways) someone who is romantic but asexual. someone who prefers being asexual. someone who prefers being aromantic/asexual as it frees them to do other things with life. a relationship between two asexual people As Ace rep increases Aro rep has not pushed really far beyond niche books. I'd just like to see more of us honestly and get beyond the coming out/discovery phase of queer media that we're currently in. Although, there's so little rep, we could probably use a few more of those too. I think someone exploring what dating is like for Aro/Aces could be interesting because it's not very scary. I think having a lot of us together in a show would be fun, our friendship dynamics our interesting. In general and personally, I'd like to see more diversity in our representation. More Black and POC people, more gender diversity, disabled diversity or all sorts (physical and mental), more body diversity. Normalize us, we could be anyone, conservatives should be scared of that. I want to see aces thriving! I want to see aces enjoying their freedom and embracing their independence. Not sure. I don't really seek it out. I've never felt represented in literature and I have no hope of that ever changing tbh. I do think ace/aro rep in erotic/kink fiction is under-utilised tho. Same for SF/F and other spec fic: If you're creating a whole other world, maybe try making a society less obsessed with physical sex, romantic relationships and procreation? And as mentioned above, make happy, warm, friendly and funny ace characters! Living alone does not make you a sad loser. I just want more! and more variety! I think more BAME representation would be great. Normalization. I would love to see an asexual character get to have a whirlwind romance or a QPR (queer platonic relationship) just like any allosexual characters get! Just normal people who also happen to be aro/ace. (But tbh at the same time, I want aroace people who's identity play a big part in who they are. Just complex people) Now, we’re starting to get more aces and aros in media; I want to see more of the spectrum. I want to see someone acknowledge that asexuals can be horny. There’s this awful thing I’ve come across where sexually active aces get treated like they’re not proper asexuals. Feeling sexual attraction and having a libido are two different things. Aces can experience arousal. Aces can like sex because of the closeness it gives them to their partner. Aces can like sex because it feels good when they do it. Aces can watch porn and masturbate. Aces can engage in BDSM and other fetishes for reasons other than sexual attraction. I'd love more horny aces! (I mean, only if there was a way for this to arise organically. Horny in public is probably not ace rep we need.) For me, asexuality is about not being attracted, not about not having a sex drive. The ace who brings bottled water to the orgy, the ace who spends time alone with a toy, the ace who writes erotica. Character development of them as a person! I'd almost rather them being aro/ ace-spec be clearly and proudly addressed, but not be all that important or character defining. Let the person they are be the most important part of them, the people they love, the things that motivate and inspire them be the center of the story. It is so frustrating to always be presented with sex/romance as the center of an adult life and it would be a missed opportunity to highlight that for some aroace folks, like me, that this just is not an aspect of life that means all that much to me. In fact, I never really think about it. Rather, being aroace only comes to mind in the context of others (ie people inquiring about my partner, people curious about how I have a biological child as an aroace person, wellintentioned people telling me that I'm young and I Neve know what can happen in the future or who I'll meet that will change everything for me). what i like to see is a story line of a full and complete character who has complex character traits. yea they fall under aroace umbrella but that does not make them incomplete. it also should not be too much of their character identity. I’d love to see aro/ace-spec characters be in romantic relationships! I’d like to see them try them out and realize it’s not for them, or stick with it and figure they actually love it. Demi characters falling deeply in love with someone after years of friendship, or an aro person loving someone deeply in a way that isn’t romantic. I especially want to see characters who are asexual but not aromantic, and characters who are aromantic but not asexual. Romantic and sexual attraction are different, and it’s nice to see characters who are one but not the other. One that likes sex! I’m ace flexible and Demi and I love sex. I’d love to see an ace character that still enjoys it too. I'd love to see a character who is some variation of the spec find a relationship (romantic or sexual depending) with a character who isn't aroacespec and how they navigate that, the conversations that need to be had, the agreements etc. Like any other relationship it's not easy work but the beauty of it is it can be done. Aroace people don't always go out with aroace people. Also queer platonic relationships with aroace-aroace couples would be lovely. i'd be interested in some aroallo representation (but i understand that may be tricky to write) A storyline not dependent on acceptance from someone not on this spectrum. Or, similarly, views on the positives of this lifestyle rather than the struggles that come along with it. polyamorous a-spec people! Alloaros! A character happy in their own skin that is capable of loving others and their career and doesn't feel like missing anything. I’d really like more ace/aro-spec characters who are physically affectionate. Characters who are really cuddly or touchy, and crave that contact—just not of a romantic or sexual kind! Unknown contact said: A full, vibrant life in which people like being around them. Shadiness, random knowledge, casual secrecy. A love of garlic bread (for ace) Someone who falls in love and has a happy relationship with an allo I really want to see both of these: 1. Queerplatonic partners as a really happy, healthy relationship. I think the closest we’ve seen is Aziraphale and Crowley in Good Omens (but I have nothing against romantically shipping them too cuz the lines are blurred and they don’t use human labels anyway) 2. An aroace character that does not feel any attraction nor end up in any relationship at all, and is content and happy for it. I feel like a lot of ace rep is dedicated to showing “just because you’re ace doesn’t mean you can’t fall in love!” and that is very true and valid to many people’s experiences. However, it’s hard for me to find aroace representation that leans into the aromantic aspect specifically, particularly in which a character does not have a romantic partner at all but lives a meaningful life. Because that is also a valid, lived experience that sticks out more, that more people need to know can be good. - more sex positive characters, and more POC ace characters, and the connection between their family and their identity I'd love to see a character embrace their asexuality while exploring other elements of interpersonal relationships. I'd like to see a character of color Honestly, I want to see all kinds of aro and ace characters - ones that are like me and ones that are barely like me at all. That's what's great about being part of a spectrum within the queer spectrum itself: we are all so different from one another, and I want to see a wide range of ace and aro characters too. I really just want one to be a main character that exists in a story that reaches a wide audience. A lot of the main stream characters are relegated to side characters. Just want more eyes on the Ace experience I’d encourage more people to write the more “uncommon” sides of aro/ace identities. Like asexual people who are hypersexual, the aromantic people who fall under the cupioromantic and lithromantic labels, the asexual people who still enjoy having sex, and so on. There is never enough representation, but most of the representation we have are aro/ace characters who are always serious and apathetic. Aro/ace people are just the same as everyone else! We have our ups and downs and explore our sexualities the same as most. So I would love to see the “in between”s of the spectrum, and I’d love to also see a character going through the journey of discovering themselves, being in denial over it and all. But on the opposite side of that, I’d also love to see a character mentioning their sexuality casually. There doesn’t always need to be a big coming out scene or discovery scene, sometimes it’s nice just to have a character laugh at a sex joke and then say something along the lines of “not me tho, stay safe yall”. - Embracing their sexuality openly without being a walking flag all the time. - A main character that is ace without being borderline psychopath - Also most of the time characters are both aro-ace we need representation that separates them. - cis heteroromantic or biromantic demisexuals being embraced as queer (this took me soooo long to come to terms since I didn't count as queer enough) - portraying aphobia because it is very much real and it hurts us (ie all the comments and attacks Yasmin Benoit suffers), people think we are not discriminated or suffer The active thought process of why they might choose to have sex (and perhaps even enjoy it) with a person who they're just not attractive to. There are many reasons: to have children, to make a partner happy (this is different from people who get sexual gratification out of pleasing a partner), to feel special and valued (not quite a healthy reason, but we live in a society), for money, and many other reasons. more aroace characters that struggle with loneliness and alienation!! being aroace does not inherently make someone lonely, but the surrounding amatonormative society that we live in does make it isolating knowing that a majority of society prioritizes romantic/sexual relationships over platonic ones As I said, I'd love to see someone like me who doesn't fully understand their own identity. Also, sex-positive/neutral aces who just don‘t feel attraction. Aromantic people who love romance in media. Male ace characters are interesting, esp if they don't fall into the trope of being autistic / spectrumy savants (like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory). I think there might be a lot more women who are like me, and maybe more who don't even let on to their partners. Secret aces. Exploring that would be interesting. A secret ace society? a bold character. outgoing, extroverted. Maybe tall. I’d like to see valid aro/allo rep. Someone who identifies as, understands, and navigates the world intentionally as aromantic and allosexual. Communicating with partners, turning down advances, processing the relationships around you —gimme!! I’d love to see more accurate diversity. Oftentimes it feels like authors are ticking boxes for diverse characters, or just labeling X character as aro/ace without having it do any work in the story. I want aro/ace spectrum characters who behave like real aro/ace spectrum people, and that means considering what other factors/identities play into individual lives and relationships. Asexuals happy and in love. We can have love without sex. When I write these characters, I try to show how their relationships are important to counter act the idea that they are unfeeling. I also show them as being embodied. Even though I'm not asexual, I've been in relationships with asexuals, and the idea that they all hate physical platonic/sensual touch is bizarre to me. More healthy relationships! Whether that is platonic, romantic, sexual, or anything. It is really annoying to see characters endlessly pressure Ace/Aro characters to be someone they aren't and it happens far too often in real life and in media. I would like to see characters who are not happy to realise they are aromantic. Id like to see the journey of acceptance and going from a negative place to a positive place in regards to queerness Extroversion! For lack of a better word. People on the aroace spectrum can be affectionate, outgoing, friendly, warm, and kind. There is a stereotype that we’re unfeeling or emotionally clueless, but that’s often not the case. I’d also like to see how it can be hurtful when someone misinterprets friendliness for flirtation and accuses us of leading them on or giving mixed signals. That last one is also often the case for Autistics. A lot of aroace people, but not all, are neurodivergent. I'd love to see a complex aroace character that loves hookup culture! I just want to see friendships treated the same as other relationships. I’d like to see more communication between ace characters and their allosexual partners. Whether they have sex or not, ace people often place a different value on sex. There’s the joke that we prefer cake to sex, but seriously that often comes into play in real life. I’d like to see that explored in fiction. Them perhaps not understanding sexual attraction, or asking people about it a lot. Not necessarily being repulsed, but genuinely... confused. An asexual character who likes sex, who might be traumatized by past experiences and wants to have a lot of sex. A asexual character who might explore poly relationships. A asexual character who explores queer platonic partners. A asexual character who feels ace their entire life but might meet someone who makes them question if they might be demisexual. An ace character who may be bisexual/pansexual but realize they are asexual. Not being considered weird by the characters around them and just being accepted for who they are. Unapologetic confidence in their identity. I think a lot of characters that get read as ace/aro still wind up in seemingly heterosexual relationships, when someone can be ace and homoromantic for example (it’s me, i’m the example). I would love to see an asexual character who's very emotionally intelligent and very in touch with their dark feminine energy. Kind of like a seductive character because being sexy has nothing to do with experiencing sexual attraction and people need to understand that. emphasis on other types of love, other than romantic. someone that live so deeply it knows no lables. love is whatever your feeling, do we really have to classify it so much? An ace character like me that finds out about being ace later on after trying to navigate the world would be great. I love the idea of an ace character that is supporting of their friends and can demonstrate love beyond the sexual attraction. I'd like to see them not infantilized or branded a freak for their orientation. Let it be a part of them and not their whole personality! Someone who is body confident, wears whatever they like to suit their mood at the time, and who is still happy even if they aren't coupled up. Asexuals are just as flawed as allosexuals. A disinterest in sex may indeed lead to easier comfort in commodifying or exchanging sex for favors or attention. I would be interested in approaching this in a story. I’d also love to explore situational asexuality (sub typology like demisexual where sex requires deeper connection). Many thanks to Dr Emily Garside for helping me shape the questions before they went out. @EmiGarside Thanks also to those who took part in this survey which include: Spacemermaidgab @mvwrite @Squeak_208 dorothynyc89 @lunaesolis @Edward_the_Deer @rookthebird @ang_lovestheday LauLanau @Im_Your_Al_Pal @nocturnalxlight @edgarandrewpoe @AndreaMariana89 @luna3ther @little_owl9 @elisaintime @BG_Cane @Leigh_Ann_Cowan @mon_fia_carat @AceOnFire77 BridgetKBrule @jxbooksandmusic @MegMassa @bookofgrey gh05t_girl Hamsterpranks @uareinadream @MellVegano King_Reinhardt @tattooedselkie
I recently did a survey asking queer and cishet people what brand new for 2023 TV & Films they watched in 2023. All the questions were in regards to NEW content in 2023, not content people only watched in 2023 but came out earlier. I have deleted replies for old shows to keep it fixed on the queer shows and films of last year. Some may have slipped through that came out in 2022/1 but I'll allow it because I'm not a complete monster. I think some people forgot this is a 2023 ONLY list and that's on me. Next time I'll be sure to remind everyone on every question that this is for shows and movies that premiered with brand new content on its original broadcasting channel in 2023. I appreciate this makes it harder for people in other countries that don't get things straight away, but this survey is really to look at what new queer content we are getting and if people are watching it or not. Also each questions was just to write one show/film. Yes I know that's hard but I'm the one having to put this together, so anyone who included multiple titles, I only included the first show/film and removed the rest. Please note, you may not agree with whether or not certain shows are lgbtq+ led or not, and you may also not agree with whether a character is a particular sexuality or gender identity (this is why I go on about not making characters vague, and allowing them to self-label, be labelled, or do stuff that makes it obvious), but everyone is welcome to internalise characters however they want to, bloody hell we all deserve something to satisfy our soul right now. So don't let it get to you if you disagree, it's not that important, it's merely a way to show what queer and cishet people are responding to and why. So keep watching those queer shows and films. Books too. And if you're a writer, keeping writing queer stories and characters. Question 1. For LGBTQ+ people. What was one of your favourite lgbtq+ led tv shows of 2023 and why? An lgbtq+ led show is a show that is specifically about queer characters with queer leads. Please state the title, and any relevant information about sexuality/gender identity Heartstopper 15/52. 28.85% The character's stories aren't necessarily always relatable in real life, but the representation is great and it's lovely to watch a show where queer people aren't just suffering, and actually do have friends and family who support them. It's also lovely to see a show with canonically lesbian characters (whether they're a big focus or not) who have a good relationship - and also where the show doesn't get cancelled. was heartwarming, well pitched, showed that queer people's friendship groups are often other majority queer people not just one token person in a group. Cherry on the top was having positive bi male representation, I feel like that doesn't happen often enough Because of bisexuality really lovely and innocent. How i hope my highschool years could have been it's just a feel good cute show that has amazing representation of many people within the lgbtq+ community second season of the cute romance story continuing from season 1. The kind of show I’d have liked to watch as a teen. Focuses on a group of teens who are gay, bi, Ace and trans it is sweet, romantic, and diverse, that includes characters who are gay, bi, trans, and ace. gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans/aro-ace rep although the first season came out in 2022, the second season was another wonderful showing and delved into issues that I felt were much more serious than just coming out. It was mostly positive but also dealt with very real issues of identity, love and dating, and stresses faced by LGBTQ+ youth because I went to school under Section 28 and we had no representation, except negative- such as during the AIDS crisis. I’m recently out as NB, been out as queer for years. Heartstopper was such a joy to watch but emotional because of what I didn’t have growing up. It was beautifully written and acted. I stumbled on season 1 accidentally, shortly after release last year and didn’t know about the comics before that." Leads: bi, gay, also lesbian and trans. YA. New season. I just loved the struggles and the sweetness. I felt so connected to these characters. Had I had a show like this as a teen on air it would have been so healing and empowering. " Covered all categories. Gay,Lesbian,Bi,Trans. Heartstopper S2 We finally got ace representation with Isaac and I am here for it!! has to top the list. It had all the feels. You can’t help but root for Nick and Charlie as they explore the idea of being a couple. Just a lovely, optimistic show with a group of young friends of various identities, figuring things out. " Super cute and has loads of diversity in lgbt rep Fellow Travelers. 10/52. 19.23% Incredible cast with a high production value. Beautiful sets, costumes, and written so well. Normally I don’t love the heavy trauma shows but they did such a brilliant job with this one. Half a century of queer history in a very sexy nutshell. gay male love story across the decades A gay love story set through years, starting in the 50s. Loved every aspect of it, even if it broke my heart. The sex scenes were authentic and emotional and truly gay. Both leads are gay men. Showtime’s Fellow Travelers Fellow Travellers - cis gay males I would say Fellow Travelers for me personally. I love a period drama and things that are vintage. So to have a show hit both those marks but feature LGBTQ leads was an awesome one for me this year!" the two leads are cis gay men with many other gay men, lesbians and one who might be regarded these days as NB. I loved the broader LGBTQ+ history mixed with the intimate story of two incredibly complex characters. The main two main characters are queer men played by gay men. I feel like the fact the two actors are both gay rather than just casting straight men to play the roles made it feel more real and engaging. Gay leads and characters. Focused on gay male characters who couldn’t be together." Our Flag Means Death. 5/52. 9.62% Multi sexuality crew and 2 queer leads. Diverse sexual and gender identity was simply a given. I love that." The romance of Stede and Blackbeard, among many other queer relationships trans/ non binary characters as well as LGBGT+ main characters" Multiple gay, bi, poly and gender-non-conforming characters. A show in which heterosexuality is explicitly coded as controlling and confining." The queer representation feels super natural and I love how it covers such a range of different identities in a way that feels accepting and comfortable." Sex Education 4/52. 7.69% Amazing depth of characters with solid plot arcs throughout the season. Also the queer plotlines are in conversation with any of the straight ones instead of being totally unrelated. Whilst it isn’t exclusively about queer characters I thought that the final season really focussed on key elements of being queer. It had a really heartbreaking (at first) story arc about a non binary person, a trans person. Also explore one of the main character’s managing their relationships with their faith and his faiths rejection of him for being gay. Sex education. Sex education. Dr Who. 3/52. 5.77% Dr Who is one of my favourite tv shows. I loved Rose ! I love that Rose is Trans played by a trans actress. Finally having a trans / non binary lead in such a big show was the best thing about 2023. The Doc’s bisexuality has been explicit since the end of Jodie Whittaker’s run in the role, but was reconfirmed in the 60th birthday specials and then turbo-boosted with the introduction of Ncuti Gatwa in the title role. I think his Dr identifies as queer, but that isn’t fully clear yet. i love inclusive it has been since the orginal reboot, unashamedly bringing LGBTQIA characters to the forfront. Even giving the doctor a line to confirm his bisexuality. Glamorous. 3/52. 5.77% took a unique look at the journey of trans identity and even though much of it was over the top, it was unapologetic about being queer through and through the show really displayed how to handle identities perfectly. Glamorous on Netflix. Good Omens. 2/52. 3.85% It is my favourite cause it is about trying to come to terms with your toxic family, fighting your and rethinking your beliefs and it is also about helping other people and falling in love. Also it is a pleasure to finally see a queer TV-Show where queerness is considered normal. Like there are a lot of different queer characters in it and also a wlw couple, but there is no homophobia from other characters towards these queer people. Additionally it is so rare that we see characters on the ace spectrum and here all the angels and demons are on the acespec including our main two characters. Also they are genderless. (so technically most of the characters) Honestly in my opinion the best thing about this show is it's lack of transphobia and homophobia even heteronormativity is less present than in most shows (even queer ones) especially in the second season (2023). (S2). Comedy fantasy where a queer male romance is centered, with supporting queer female relationship and supporting GNC characters. S3 to come." Everything Now. 2/52. 3.85% the protagonist Mia is either bi or pan they don’t explicitly tell us her sexuality and the story has characters who are sexually fluid which i love it’s like even though the premises is Mia covering up her anorexia it’s still made time to make our identities feel normal and not like some huge coming out party. found it to be a pretty accurate rep of current high school life (something rarely found in teen dramas) At some points you can definitely tell it was written by people not from the Gen it’s depicting but whatever overall it had good rep. (Sapphic, Queer, Bi, and Demisexual I believe)" A different answer. 2/52. 3.85% I can't actually sadly recall any. I didn't watch any TV shows Shows that all got one mention. (Deleted one for not being 2023) 1/52. 1.92% Laws of Attraction: a Thai drama about an amoral gay lawyer who is redeemed by his love for a man whose niece is murdered by a corupt politician. Mains gay cis men." Interview With A Vampire (two queer male leads) I Kissed A Boy. Don’t normally watch reality dating type shows but to see homosexuality normalised on prime time mainstream tv was great. RuPaul's Drag Race UK The Vigil Main characters are lesbian. Young Royals Single, Out: Adam has no issue about being gay except figuring out whether or not he wants to be in a relationship or just play the field. Question 8. For NON-lgbtq+ people. What was one of your favourite lgbtq+ led tv shows of 2023 and why? An lgbtq+ led show is a show that is specifically about queer characters with queer leads. Please state the title, and any relevant information about sexuality/gender identity.” Heartstopper. 2/9. 22.22% Just so much joy. It’s a big old hug for the soul with plenty of teen angst but not depressing. Lots of sexuality and genders it was just amazingly sweet about first love, coming out, and growing into your own person. Excellent representation of all orientations/identifications. " Shows that all got one mention. 1/9 11.11% Queer eye. The show was amazing and inspiring. So many useful tips for not only appearance and style but mental wellbeing as well Vigil in 2021 had lesbian leads -- and was a great intricate thriller. I really enjoyed the ups and downs of the main leads' relationship -- they had such a tough time trying to make their relationship work, but it felt very genuine. Know the second series came out last year but haven't had a chance to watch it Young Royals - Swedish coming of age with gay men I really enjoyed watching the Last of Us. One of the lead characters (Ellie) is a gay teenager, and there was one episode dedicated to two men who fell in love during the pandemic, and died together at the end. It was heartbreaking. Ellie's relationship with her first love (who also died) was also beautifully written. Both very emotive and beautiful in a horrendous world that is falling apart." I don't know if I watched any shows ABOUT being gay... maybe Deadloch? Three queer lead actors (even if only one of them was playing queer). " My favorite is Ru Paul's Drag Race (both national and international competitions). Drag performers compete for the title and often go on to compete in All Stars." I loved Culprits, it’s a well made heist/action series, with a good story, great soundtrack and wonderful direction. I usually get bored watching action for action sake, but the main character is so interesting and the actor does such a wonderful job that I couldn’t stop watching it! I binged it. The best thing was how real the character’s relationship with his husband was, it really made me care about them Question 2. For LGBTQ+ people. What was one of your favourite tv shows that included lgbtq+ characters but wasn’t an lgbtq+ led show, and why? Please state the title, and any relevant information about sexuality/gender identity. The Last Of Us. 8/50. 16% This might be deemed a queer show as one of the two leads is a young lesbian/bisexual (I don’t think she’s been explicit about how she identifies but we know her love life to date has been with a woman.) The other lead is a straight guy. It’s a dystopian series that has gone out of its way to include queer characters (as well as one of the leads, there was a whole episode focused on a gay romance between two survivors of the horrors that drive the story) in a genre that usually imagines we don’t exist. Gay couple (Frank & Bill) The finding of love in extreme circumstances and the heartbreaking ending. The characters just happened to be gay men seeing my favourite queer video game character brought to life. had a lovely queer storyline in episode 3 One of the leads is LGBTQ+ but the show isn't about that and we don't find out about that till later. The one episode with the two gay side characters was beautifully portrayed and captured an entire relationship in it's 40-odd minute runtime. As with Fellow Travellers, I enjoyed seeing the depication of two very complex, non-typical gay characters. he show wasn't specifically focused on the queer characters but I still really loved seeing the two older gay men as we don't see a lot of non sexual representation and seeing older queer people is always very motivating. The fact that one of the main characters also happened to be a lesbian (while the actor is Genderfluid!) Was also a nice bit of representation in otherwise "normal" media where the main focus isn't queer stories. It just made it more apparent that queer people are here. We are regular people too who just so happen to be living normal lives. due to the storyline of Ellie and Riley’s relationship Sex Education. 6/50. 12% the representation is incredibly and I loved seeing Eric come into his sexuality more and meeting other queer and gender diverse people also a diverse cast w many gender identities & sexualities. Yellow Jackets, has one lesbian relationship. Ginny & Georgia, the best friend is a gay girl and she steals every scene she is in. Good Trouble, has some Bi rep with two characters. season 4 had more LGBTQIA+ characters than ever this year, and Eric got to follow a story involving both queerness and religion, which meant a lot to me. Loved Ncuti Gatwa’s character’s journey to Nigeria with his mum. Featured LGBTQ characters who were fully included and loved From the beginning of its run, SE has explored seemingly every kind of sexual orientation with heart and humor. Never judgmental. It was a great series with a satisfying finale. Loved the arc of Eric’s self-acceptance journey. Maeve’s growth, no longer constrained by her origins, fully embracing her brilliance. Wonderful show. Plus, who doesn’t love a bittersweet ending? Maeve and Otis could have been great together. But they may be even better apart. Dr Who. 5/50. 10% non-binary character The Doctor Who specials, undoubtedly! Visibility is very important for trans peple, especially now. Seeing an amazing show portray a trans person was a very important step for our community, and a slap in the face of gender criticals Loved it since the early 80’s and it’s even better now, especially with Russell T Davies back. Great to see so many people represented- trans, NB, queer, disabled. Plus it makes the “anti-woke” gammons and TERFs seethe Between Jodie Whittaker, Ncuti Gatwa and Russell T Davisbeing back, it's been so brilliantly queer. Trans Characters - Rose, Non binary love and A queer POC playing the doctor. It's been queer heaven The Star Beast, given the state of the debate surrounding trans people at the moment & the way people talk about trans youth in particular, it felt very good to see a trans teen on a family show. My hope was that some conversations were had and it led to some understandings within families. Sometimes all it takes is a bit of pop culture, not often but sometimes. Yellowjackets. 3/50. 6% Such a great show overall. The writing, the cast, the flashbacks and use of time. The queer characters feel real and fleshed out, not tokens. Queerness is treated matter-of-factly and each queer supporting role has just as much depth as any other of the supporting characters. (two non-male actors in a queer lesbian relationship) Ghosts. 3/50. 6% It's an amazing show in general but having a gay character (The Captain) in the show made it feel more personal, even if you didn't exactly relate to his experiences relating to his identity. He was also very well written and such a loveable character, and his entire character arc wasn't just his sexuality but many other things too, so I was very drawn to him as a character" The Captain's backstory and coming out was handled sensitively. He is a relatable character whose story and character is not just 'gay and traumatised' Season 5 was released this year - The Captain is gay and some of this series was about him coming to terms with his identity as someone from the 1940s. I love this show because queerness is never the joke, it's a found family and the characters feel real (including flawed!) Good Omens. 2/50. 4% its widely thought that the main characters of crowley and aziraphale are or should be a m/m couple but i dont know if thst qualifies it feels to me as if its a wueer love story and the side plot was around getting two females to fall in love the main characters are genderless but the show had a well written W/W romance Eastenders. 2/50. 4% Suki and Eve/Lesbians/Females A long running British soap opera which featured a lesbian couple this year. Other. 2/50. 4% I didn't watch any TV shows None Shows that all got one mention (deleted one for not being from 2023). 1/50. 2% Peacemaker. He’s bi. Plus a same- gender female couple too Fave because it’s DC 1670: minor characters are lesbian. STAR TREK PICARD. Seven of Nine and Raffi are bi characters in an off-and-on again relationship. Vigil, I love that Vigils main characters are queer but that the plot isn’t about that. It’s just ‘normal’ life. One Piece. I read Sanji is pansexual. The White Lotus - mainly heterosexual main characters, but plenty of gay male and lesbian storylines Married on First Sight which features a gay couple and a transwoman. I really liked the way it wasn't bigged up as a plot point but just part of their background. They also weren't perfect but just normal people which was nice as sometimes it feels like LGBTQ+ people always have to be basic saints on telly. I also really loved the trans representation in the Doctor Who episodes at the end of the year. Squid Game the Challenge - an intense reality version of the original show. Featured a number of prominent gay, lesbian, bisexual and ace contestants. Glamorous from Netflix. Starred Kim Cattrall but also Miss Benny who throughout the series embraces their trans identity Monarch Legacy of Monsters - high profile scifi show with a prominent POC queer relationship between two women. Ongoing into 2024 Scott Pilgrim takes off! Loved how queer it got, never felt disingenuous and always felt natural. Wallace Wells <3 (Queer, Gay, Sapphic) The morning show. I love the character Bradley’s journey in her show. She is a lesbian. She has a complicated relationship with her partner but this isn’t because it’s a queer relationship. It simple because it’s a relationship and relationships are complicated whatever your gender or sexuality. She is a brilliantly written character, hugely complicated and bad ass. The new season of And Just Like That. I was NOT expecting to like it. I thought the first season was preachy, but this season with the NB character and their relationship with Miranda, I just was blown away. The writing was so good. They showed ignorance getting erased. I live in a very cishet town and one of my friends kids just came out as they/them. Very similar journey to the character of Rock. And because of this show, their mom is on board, feels connected, and is an advocate. That is HUGE for cishet parents in understanding their queer kids. I never expected it from this show. It’s crossing over. It’s making societal change possible. I freaking love that. One Night- Australian drama . Jodie Whittaker played a lesbian married to another woman with two kids. Modern family depicted really beautifully alongside difficult subject matter Hollyoaks. Full of LGBTQ+ characters and issues but not LGBTQ+ led Someone somewhere. It’s led by a cishet but she hangs out nearly solely with queers, gay and trans. So much fun Control Z: Gerry is a violent, homophobic bully who, of course, is homosexual. He begins to accept that he is gay in the second season. Foundation S2. Gay couple leading a major plot line. Busts stereotypes in my favourite way, by simply creating a sci-fi world where there's no prejudice over sexuality: and also by having both characters as battle-hardened soldiers Survivor, Season 45. Question 9. For NON-lgbtq+ people. What was one of your favourite tv shows that included lgbtq+ characters but wasn’t an lgbtq+ led show, and why? Please state the title, and any relevant information about All shows only got one mention. 1/9. 11.11% The Morning Show. It’s a great series and it’s refreshing to see more bi characters on screen. Makes it all feel less predictable. Queen Charlotte. Loved the story and the costumes and the whole wow of it and thought the footmen gay story was well done. Would love to see more LGBTQ historical pieces Jack Reacher has an Asexual character Sex Education - in addition to being actually educational, it dealt with many sex/uality and gender issues without bias. Good laughs and lots of drama throughout and again, a journey of young people finding themselves. Loved Colin from Accounts. The woman the main character who runs the bar with is married to a man but falls (albeit briefly) for a female customer. Brassic - best friends who are both male, one is gay and the other bisexual I'm currently watching Yellowjackets. One of the female leads is gay and it flits between a relationship she had as a teenager, and her marriage in the present day. The coach is also gay but hides it for most of the first season. I felt their representation was quite true to life. One show I havent enjoyed though is "And Just Like That". (Followup to Sex and the City). I feel they've tried too hard to be diverse, so instead of it being natural, it feels very forced. And instead of being educational it feels patronising. Definitely Deadloch. An amazing, funny, dark crime series from Australia. Three queer leads, although only one of them was playing gay in the show. Abbott Elementary. Respectful and heartfelt representation. Question 3. For LGBTQ+ people. What was one of your favourite lgbtq+ led films/movies and why? Please state the title and any relevant information about sexuality/gender identity. Red, White and Royal Blue. 15/46. 32.6% because queer people deserve cheesy romcoms too! Again positive bi male representation, understanding and supportive mother, sex scenes that were hot even though it would play well to a wider audience if they were toned down It was a supportive and happy Hallmarky film. I usually don’t like a rom com, but I was happy to see this one existed. I am old. I’m not used to movies like this. Though the acting could have used some improvement (in my opinion) I still feel like this movie adaptation despite having faults was a really good one. Alex's speech at the end of the movie really touched my heart. The sentence "the forced conformity of the closet cannot be answered with the forced conformity of coming out of it" is important to me, since I am not in a place yet where I can come out safely and I had seen an increase in distaste against closeted people from the lgbtq+ community the last years, so it had felt good to year those words Ok it was campy but it was so fun! Just an easy to digest rom com. Cute leads with good chemistry and pretty funny. A bi and gay man in a romance between a prince and a son of the US President, was a fun romcom with a heartfelt a sweet gay romance that didn’t play into stereotypes The two leads are a gay man and a bisexual guy. It’s a love story/rom com that is really well acted, has a sharp script, and hits all the right notes. Totally believable, which is amazing given the leads are a Prince of England and the US President’s son. It’s a subtly powerful movie and manages to deal with the extra challenges faced by queer lovers while generating huge emotional investment from the viewer. And the chemistry between the leads is palpable while the sex scenes are hot but not pornified. (I adore this book as well,) the MC Love interests are a gay and a bisexual man. gay/bisexual rep - without question, one of my favorite queer films this year! I read the book multiple times, but the movie was wonderfully adapted even though there were changes. It showed the struggle of these two very public men who were navigating their growing feelings and physical needs when it came to the other. Culminating in both of them coming out and shaking up thousands of years of tradition and expectation. It was beautiful and emotional. Its probably a bit of teen rom com but then isnt it nice that queer teens are able to relate to roncoms rather than them the norn of m/f relationships That makes it my favorite, but I didn't like it all that much. Thought it was a fun light hearted M/M romcom Despite its questionable plot, the gay love story played its part in bringing queer love stories to a new generation. Yes, the book was better. But the movie still managed to capture Alex and Henry’s love story. It’s romantic and optimistic and has become something of a comfort watch for me. I’m embarrassed to say how many times I’ve seen this movie. My favourite lgbtq+ led movie was Red, White and Royal blue. This is partly due to my previous interest in the book but also its lighthearted nature and portrayal of the main characters’ queer relationship. Just really fun with gay and bisexual male rep and didn’t shy away from being a bit naughty Didn't watch any of didn't think there were any. 10/46. 21.74% Not sure i watched one The saddest thing is I can’t think of one. I maybe need to search more I can't actually sadly recall any Don’t think I watched any I didn't watch enough movies with LGBT leads this year to pick one out. Didn’t see any in 2023 I’ve not been to the cinema in the last year I don’t feel live I’ve seen one I can't think of any I've seen this year (despite much Googling Not been to the movies in 2023 Nimona. 3/46. 6.52% Main character is a gay man. A lovely allegory of the trans experience, plus you have two gay coleads (or protagonist and partial antagonist) and they’re allowed to just exist. They’re not overly flamboyant or anything and the fact that their queer isn’t an issue. Animated fantasy movie about a genderfluid (possibly trans) shapeshifter and her gay adoptive father, spotlighting issues of rejection and acceptance, MLM romance and mental health. Based on a queer comic by a transmasc creator who previously led a Netflix animated series prominently featuring queer rep & relationships. Saltburn 3/46. 6.52% Saltburn. There's a certain perversion a sexiness to it that made it irresistible for me Saltburn. One sided gay fixation,but elements of bisexuality Saltburn. Main character is a Tom Ripley for the 21st century. Knock at the cabin. 2/46. 4.35% I liked Knock at the Cabin. They were relatable without being over the top caricatures. It was unusual to see gays in the lead sof a film like that when it wasn't about BEING GAY. They just were Knock At The Cabin which featured a gay couple as the lead Bottoms. 2/46. 4.35% (plenty of bisexuals and queer people! solid comedy and great sapphic rep Movies that all got one mention. (Deleted 2 for not being from 2023) 1/46. 2.17% Theater camp. It's decidedly a very queer film but with none of the usual tropes you'd find in a queer comedy. They/them. It was a funny, dark film using satire to explore conversion therapy Passages - sex positive All Of Us Strangers. Again a gay male couple finding love, though one has demons from the past to contend with. Kokomo City, about trans femme sex workers of colour. It was beautifully shotand allowed the women to speak for themselves, they were articulate, intelligent and funny. But the documentary highlighted the risks they face, with one being murdered after being filmed Bros was hysterical. Strange way of life (I'm unsure about Pedro Pascal being lgbtq+ Femme - gay, trans, nonbinary main characters Pretty Red Dress. Happily married man starts to explore his gender expression. Great to see someone exploring their identity without the clichés of their marriage failing or them becoming a drag performer. Mutt. The movie was a trans actor playing a trans man. I thought it was really fantastic to see somebody like me on the big screen. So many people just like to ignore the struggle trans people go through so it was nice to be able to relate to the main character The Stroll. A documentary on trans sex workers in New York City takes an insider view from former sex worker Kristen Lovell. Question 10. For NON-lgbtq+ people. What was one of your favourite lgbtq+ led films/movies and why? Please state the title and any relevant information about sexuality/gender identity. All movies (or didn't see any) only got one mention. Deleted two as they weren't from 2023. 1/6. 16.66% Cassandro. To be honest, I’ve not been watching many movies. Rustin! Wow. What a movie. Great performance and also really highlighted the cross over of black/gay and also feminist movements in the 60s. Loved it Red, White, and Royal Blue. Yes, somewhat formulaic and won't stop me from eating the rich, but it found me at the right time and was a good mix of chemistry and struggling with being out in the public eye. Didn't see any Bottoms included two female leads and multiple lgbtq+ side characters, and focused heavily on hooking up. Theater Camp is not strictly about lgbtq people but has a wonderful representation. Question 4. For LGBTQ+ people. What was one of your favourite movies/films that wasn’t lgbtq+ led but had lgbtq+ characters. Please state the title, and any relevant information about sexuality/gender identity. Didn't watch any, didn't go to the cinema (hello streaming?!?) or can't recall any. 15/45. 33.33% Can’t think of any at the moment Again for 2023 I can’t think of one I can't actually sadly recall any. Sorry, I can’t think of any that I watched. I can’t remember any other films now sorry. I can't think of a single thing. I'm sorry. Didn’t see any in 2023 I cannot think of one. They are all LGBTQ+ character lead. Hm I’m not sure I’ve not been to the cinema in the last year I can't think of any I've seen this year (despite much Googling!) I honestly can't think of one. So sorry about that. Unable to recall any. There aren’t any new films I watched in 2023 with prominent queer characters not leading which come to mind. Not been to movies in 2023 Barbie. 7/45. 15.55% I guess that had queer characters. I'm struggling to think of a 2023 film that fits the bill Whole range of LGBTQ+ characters inclusion of a trans actor as one of the main Barbies was inspired casting and gave me hope for trans actors having opportunity to play mom-explicitly trans written/focused roles in movies. I was gladly surprised by the homoerotic tension, obviously. But again, inclusion is very important, and even though there is not a trans Barbie, one of the Barbies is portrayed by a trans woman." Good for representation including a trans Barbie, Allan was very queer coded, likely non-binary and I related to them not quite fitting in Barbie reading Allan as queer in some way. Saltburn. 5/45. 11.11% Such a good creepy twist. Again, the queerness is treated as matter-of-fact and not the most salacious thing in a movie full of salacious things. Lots of homoeroticism. Saltburn Dark, twisted but gripping Scream. 3/45. 6.66% Scream Vl and Mindy was my fav in the film and she’s a lesbian it’s a horror film that finally includes a somewhat diverse cast Scream 6. Lesbian character Mindy" Scream IV maybe? Most of the films I watched only had queer leads. Not many films had queer supporting :( Nimona. 2/45. 4.44% gays all over the place Nimona may be gender non-conforming, but the knight she befriends and helps is certainly gay, which was revealed slowly and beautifully. Joyride. 2/45. 4.44% Nonbinary rep - Sabrina Wu plays Deadeye, a mostly side character who eventually shares their nonbinary identity with the others. The movie was hilarious, but also a moving story about found family and birth family, which is especially poignant for LGBTQ+ people. And Deadeye was a hilarious, dry, but integral part of that found family. Had queer women in and an enby and normalised Didn't answer. 2/45. 4.44% Didn't answer Didn't answer Movies that all got one mention (Deleted two that weren't from 2023, and another that was just a character not a movie, and still not from 2023). 1/45. 2.22% Shazam 2 had a gay guy coming out Men Up - a gay man lies about his sexuality to get onto the first clinical trial for viagra. Guardians of the Galaxy 3 had a gay character apparently but it wasn’t prominent. The new Hunger Games, with trans actress Hunter Schafer. It’s a wonderful knife had a lovely lesbian character who was being bullied at school who contemplated suicide but ended up knowing how much she mattered. Voleuses (English title Wingwomen). Lesbian character. Uses a feisty widowed lesbian to disrupt and ultimately compliment the female friendship at the centre of the film." Maybe Maestro? Again, I don't want to make assumptions on the leads I think Renfield had some queer characters. That was overall an interesting portrayal of toxic relationships Next Goal Wins - POC sports comedy directed by star of queer pirate comedy Our Flag Means Death, featuring a trans/fa'afafine actor/character Question 11. For NON-lgbtq+ people. What was one of your favourite movies/films that wasn’t lgbtq+ led but had lgbtq+ characters. Please state the title, and any relevant information about sexuality/gender identity. Didn't see any of can't recall any. 3/7. 42.86% Can’t think of one… But I have a one year old baby that significantly restricted the time I can spend watching films. Hoping to catch up soon! Honestly I have seen so few movies this year I’ve realised. I don’t appear to have seen anything new really at all so nothing is springing to mind honestly Didn't see any. Movies that all got one mention (minus one I deleted for not being from 2023). 1/7. 14.29% Nimona - another animated movie, this one on Netflix. Fantasy story which allowed the characters to just be without it being their purpose. I really enjoyed the Barbie movie for my sins. I felt they represented almost every type of person including a trans Barbie, which was fab. It wasn't patronising like "And Just Like That". They were purposeful in demonstrating diversity without being tokenistic, which was great. American Fiction, featured Sterling K Brown as a gay man who comes out later in life and has to deal with his family's reaction to it. Nyad. The film focuses on Diana Nyad's accomplishments. Question 5. For LGBTQ+ people. Who was one of your favourite lgbtq+ characters from a tv show or film, and why? Please also state their sexuality/gender identity. Eric (Sex Education). 7/47. 14.89% a cis gay man. I love his flamboyance and his bravery as well as his way of navigating two apparently incompatible parts of his life. He's out and proud as gay – cis, but teetering on nonbinary – but still very much learning about himself. Great evolution as a character. he is a multi-layered character, and he genuinely makes me smile. (He is queer on the show and IRL.) had the most interesting role for me this year, returning to claim religion instead of leaving it. Confident yet conflicted unapologetic gay male. Eric from Sex Education. Gay Nigerian who fought to be accepted and stood up to his pastor Jim (Our flag means death). 3/47. 6.38% I love Jim from our flag means death the way they dealt with the non binary storyline was fantastic and their character is more then their gender or sexuality but the subject is never covered over but just adds to the overall greatness of their character GNC, poly. A reminder that people have always created their own identities and relationship models, even in the (not very accurately depicted) 18th Century. My favourite lgbtq+ character this year was Jim from Our Flag Means Death who identifies as non-binary. Prince Henry (Red, White and Royal Blue). 2/47. 4.26% gay - The character was so sure of himself and his sexuality, but had to hide it based on who he was and the expectations of his family and the country at large. He sacrifices his happiness for years, until he is eventually forced to spend time with Alex, when he finally tells someone outside his family the truth. It was heartbreaking to watch him fall in love and then choose to end things for the sake of his role in the royal family and his duty to the country. But it was also inspiring to watch him come out publicly and be embraced for who he is. He was a sweet character who expressed some of the struggles we have all faced with the added intrigue of how the monarchy might deal with the issue. Rose Noble (Dr Who). 2/47. 4.26% Trans woman. a trans woman Marco (Glamorous). 3/47. 6.38% The lead was a gay femme young man. trans woman. Such a beautifully told storyline. played by Miss Benny. The character realises their trans identity at the end of the show. Nick (Heartstopper). 2/47. 4.26% Nick from heartstopper, he was very proud of his sexuality and made sure to correct people who tried to erase his bisexuality Nick from heartstopper was one of my favorites because of how kind and attentive he was with Charlie and all his friends and he’s bi, actually. Suki (Eastenders). 2/47. 4.26% Lesbian/Female from BBC’s Eastenders played by the actress Balvindar Sopal. Lesbian. Bill (& Frank) (The Last Of Us). 2/47. 4.26% Rare to see an older gay couple portrayed so well Bill from The Last Of Us! A gay man living a life of isolation who allowed him self to find love. I found his story with Frank to be one of the most beautiful bits of LGBTQ content I’ve ever seen, and also one of the most powerful bits of television I’ve seen regardless of sexuality! Not sure or none stood out. 2/47. 4.26% Not sure really No characters stood out from anything I watched that was released in 2023 Characters that got one mention. (Deleted 1 for not being from 2023 and another for being a real person). 1/47. 2.13% Marcus, from "The Bear." I don't think it's been established that he's gay but I think there have been hints along the way. The Captain from BBC Ghosts (Gay). He's just so loveable, well written, and great representation for the community; and his character arc in the show from a heavily repressed and rather bitchy and sassy guy to a father figure to one of the other ghosts (Kitty) as well as a much kinder and more open character who learns that he's accepted by his family (the ghosts, Alison and Mike) is my favourite. I just love him <3 Isaac on Ghosts (American version) played by Brandon Scott Jones. Oliver Quick in Saltburn - bisexual. Something so interesting about seeing this very sinister man infiltrating the lives of the rich This had been a hard choice, but I am going with Crowley (Good Omens). Sexuality: hard to say unlabeled and acespec fits the most probably Gender identity: genderless; agender? many viewers consider them genderfluid tho. I just relate to this character in many ways. How they are always trying to fix everything, how they put others needs before their own, how they have so much love for the world and how they are constantly made like they are kind of well not enough. This got deep fast. I am sorry Jacob Hill from Abbott Elementary. His queerness is not his entire personality. The character had depth. Hawk Fuller, from Fellow Travellers. I just can't resist Matt Bomer, especially if he's playing a gay man, which is very meta and I'm here for it. Tim (cis gay man) from Fellow Travellers. I fell in love with this character, his integrity shone throughout and right to his very last moments. He possibly had some dubious politics but they were of the time and I think the skill of this portrayal was making the viewer falling in love with a character who isn't stereotypically ideal, or perfect. Quinni in Heartbrreak High who is queer and autistic and played by an autistic/ADHD actor. I related to her masking (I’m autistic) and a lot of her traits. Autistic representation is still mainly straight and male. Tess Owen- One Night- who wouldn’t want to see Jodie Whittaker snog a woman 😊- played a lesbian character. Ed , OFMD. (Gay, ace-spec?)I love Ed. I love the depth to his character and his struggle to accept himself. And I love how this is not just about sexuality. I also loved seeing a male character decide to take it slow and have there be repercussions for another character not doing so Wee John Feeney (Kristian Nairn) & Lucius Spriggs (Nathan Foad) - Our Flag Means Death. Both gay, played by queer actors, stories ft disability, gender non-conformity and queer romance in a fantasy adventure show. I liked the character of Jeanne in “Spirit of Ecstasy” I felt it was an accurate portrayal of a gender nonconformity person (at least in my experience) The younger guy in Down Low. Was so fun to see his perspective towards themolder gay but also be kind to him in regards to him coming out the closet Harley Quinn. Bisexual criminal turned super hero I love the fourteenth doctor and his new found openess Ballister Boldheart from Nimona. He is a gay man! I just found him to an over all aesthetically pleasing character to look at and I found his personality to be funny. The movie wasn't... exactly focused on his relationship with Ambrosius but it was really nice to see. It wasn't about his struggle with his sexuality but rather just something straight couples experience. A bump in the road. Ballistic specifically was an overall relatable and emotional deep character. He had growth and was well thought out Isaac from Heartstopper. Even as an AFAB, I totally identified with his quiet nature, love of books, and desire for deep friendships. The two gay teachers in Heartstopper. AFAIK they’re both gay but they may identify otherwise. The relationship they start is beautifully done. I liked the leads in Knock at the Cabin. They were relatable without being over the top caricatures. Mindy in Scream 6. Lesbian " Ellie from The Last of Us. It’s great to see a masculine presenting lesbian lead on TV. Question 12. For NON-lgbtq+ people. Who was one of your favourite lgbtq+ characters from a tv show or film, and why? Please also state their sexuality/gender identity. All characters got one mention (deleted one for being a real person, not a character). 1/7. 14.29% I love Alison, Mia’s girlfriend in Everything Now. She’s just so bold! I love Nick in Heartstopper. Such a beautiful portrayal of discovery and I thought the fact that he was bi was really interesting as there’s still so often this pressure to “choose”. Some people find him too sickly sweet but I just loved him and his good heart I loved Eric from Sex Education. An all-round positive character, with a helping hand for everyone. Not afraid to question his feelings, but just a fabulous person. Suki from Eastenders. Think she's so beautiful (superficial I know) but I'm kind of fascinated by how horrible she can be, and how sweet and caring too. The double life she leads is also fascinating. Ellie - the last of us. She was strong and funny and the focus was on her strength. Female gay (non binary actor) Bill in The Last of Us. He was a loner at first and afraid of everything including who he was. Until he met Frank. His love and the protectiveness that he had for Frank was beautiful. And their death was even more beautiful and absolutely heartbreaking. Deadloch's Dulcie Collins, played by Kate Box. She was a lesbian whose marriage is going through a rough patch, in a tiny town where queer people are ... "accepted"... to a degree... sort of. She was grumpy, mean, funny, kind, imperfect, and a good cop. Question 6. For LGBTQ+ people. Roughly how many different lgbtq+ led tv shows did you watch in 2023? (Whether you watched one episode, or a whole series/season, that counts as 1). 54 Total replies. Lowest 0 (4) Highest 25 Total tv shows 296 Average 5.48 Question 13. For NON-lgbtq+ people. Roughly how many different lgbtq+ led tv shows did you watch in 2023? (Whether you watched one episode, or a whole series/season, that counts as 1) 9 total replies. Lowest 0 (1) Highest 17 One reply was 4 different seasons of drag race. Total tv shows 40 Average 4.44 Question 7. For LGBTQ+ people. Roughly how many different lgbtq+ led films/movies did you watch in 2023? 51 total replies. Lowest 0 (14) Highest 50 Total movies 245 Average 4.8 Question 14. For NON-lgbtq+ people. Roughly how many different lgbtq+ led films/movies did you watch in 2023? 9 Total replies Lowest 0 (2) Highest 4 Total movies 18 Average 2 There you have it. Thank you to everyone who took part. The replies were all anonymous and provided to me in a random order so I have no idea who wrote any of them. If I deleted your comment, I hope you're not too mad, but this did take me 5 hours to go through and reformat so yeah, sorry not sorry babes xxx
Jonathan Harvey has written in every medium; TV, Film, Plays and Novels. If you've not heard of "Beautiful Thing" (where have you been?), nor seen "Gimme Gimme Gimme" (excuse me?!), you've surely seen an episode or two of "Coronation Street". Jonathan also wrote the recent tour of "Mother Goose" starring none other than Sir Ian McKellen. Jonathan is a proud gay man, and generous with his time and expertise too. I recently got the opportunity to ask him a few writing based questions. 1. You have written in every medium, (plays, novels, tv and film). Do you have a different process when writing each medium? Could you tell us a little about your process/es. I guess the process is the same at a fundamental level, in as much as I make stuff up and write it down, but how it is presented is different. The older I get the more I rely on planning everything out to begin with, and this has come about after working in TV for so long. With TV, by the time you write an actual script, everything has been signed off to some degree, in as much as you have had to explain to someone what the story is and usually have done a scene by scene breakdown. I used to resent this, but now I find them great time savers. Especially on the days when inspiration doesn’t strike, it’s good to go back to the ‘map’ of what you’re trying to do. With something like a novel that plan won’t be as detailed, but in telly I tend to plan everything out in some detail, so I can check there are enough hooks – twists and turns – to keep the audience coming back for more. It’s the same in theatre. Is there enough jeopardy going on, and when the audience go to the bar at the interval, have you dangled a big enough carrot at the end of act one to make sure they’ll come back for more? 2. Do you have any particular tips or ways that you develop ideas, and/or outline, and/or getting things finished that you think would be useful for new writers? It’s more of the above, really. With a detailed plan, if I get bored or am not in the mood, I can skip to the end and write that bit first, mix it up a bit, do the stuff that excites me most. My best advice is do your research. Make sure you know what you are writing about. And see and watch as much as you can. If you want to write a play, see as much theatre as you can. See how other people do it. Read as many plays as you can, pull them apart and see how they’re constructed. It’s like taking a car apart to see how it’s put together to understand it better. And go out and live your life so you’ve got something to write about. Then you’ll always have fuel in the tank! Same with TV. Watch as much as you can, see how other writers do it. 3. You've written a lot of lgbtq+ things during your career, what advice do you have for new writers (lgbtq+ or not) who want to write lgbtq+ stories and characters. Write it. Be truthful. Work out what you want to say and what the point of it is. What makes you angry? What makes you passionate? Channel that into your work. 4. Lgbtq+ representation is getting much better in tv and film these days, what's a queer tv show, film, book or play that you've seen recently that has really resonated with you, and why? I loved the comedy Big Boys on Channel 4 by Jack Rooke. It was so warm and funny as fuck, and I loved the central premise of the gay lad starting Uni and bonding with his straight room mate. It was very funny and truthful about being gay and about mental health. And every character was glorious. 5. For someone struggling to find a home for their lgbtq+ script, play or novel, what advice would you have for them? Keep trying. My play Beautiful Thing was turned down by loads of theatres before the Bush said they wanted to put it on. Also, go to the BBC writers room website, find out about competitions, enter your scripts in competitions and get feedback on them that way. I started my career entering competitions. 6. Writing on soaps is often a different beast to writing on series with only a dozen episodes. If you can share, what is it like writing on a soap, and what is the process from story conference to shooting draft like for a writer? You go to conference once a month and sit in a conference room and pitch stories and pull them apart with a load of other writers and storyliners and producers etc then the storyliners go away and channel all the ideas into a month’s worth of episodes. Then you get your storylines and from that you create a scene by scene breakdown. After that we do three drafts of scripts, usually more, and at any one time we can be working on three different scripts at various stages of development. We have one or two script editors assigned to each episode and they feedback all the notes to us after each draft. It’s a bit like herding cats as they try to keep a steer on the storytelling and the continuity between episodes. 7. One of my favourite things you've written is Beautiful Thing, and I know I'm not alone in feeling that way. If you were to write a sequel or prequel about any of the characters, who would you choose and what would it be about? Jamie would be 45 this year, and his mum 65! The flats where I set the story were knocked down recently, so it would probably be about Jamie visiting his mum as she prepared to leave the estate for the final time. I always said I’d never do a sequel too it, but never say never! There you go. Many thanks again to Jonathan for taking time to answer these questions. You can find Jonathan on twitter here.
I created another survey, this time asking bisexual humans to tell us what it is they do and don't want when it comes to writing bisexual characters. Here's the results. Question 1: In your opinion, what TV show, film or book has the best bisexual character, and why are they so good? Torchwood. Because Mal is just unhinged Avatar The Legend of Korra. The owl house, She-ra and the princess of power, Castlevania, Orphan black, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Black mirror, The boys, The good place, Killing Eve, Broad City, sex education Korra and Asami are two bisexual characters from Legend of Korra where probably the most personal and maybe even the first bisexual women I encountered as a young teen. Their relationship isn’t explored in the tv series, but is given a lot of time in the comic series. I think they differed from a lot of sapphic and bisexual representation at the time. They felt like developed characters, two completely different women with their own personalities, struggles, motives, instead of a vehicle for some sort of sexual fluidity/freedom that other bisexual/Pansexual characters I’ve seen prior (Jack Harkness from Doctor Who and Torchwood who I still think it’s a good character, but is obviously a very sexual kinda character) I like Adam in Sex Education. It’s really cool seeing character growth and seeing him explore his sexuality. I’m having a hard time deciding so I’ll just say this — the best bisexual characters are the ones where their sexuality is a detail to their character and not the focus (Oberyn in GoT, Korra in Avatar, Rosa in B99) As someone who's bisexual and a bit perhaps stereotypically promiscuous, I really liked the representation provided by Bo in the show Lost Girl. I felt like the show allowed her to embrace all aspects of her sexuality without limiting who she was as a character to her sexuality or her exploits. Chloe in Neighbours (so sad it's finished). She was absolutely unapologetically and openly bi, and arrived on the show like that, rather than her sexuality being her arrival storyline, or having to have a subsequent 'coming out' storyline. She was just a new character who happened to be bi. In her time on the show, she had a number of romance storylines, but the gender of the other person was never the focus, and she had loads of storylines that were nothing to do with her sexuality. She also had a storyline where her husband became insecure about her bisexuality and she absolutely shut down his biphobia strongly and clearly. She also never cheated on any of her partners. Call me by your name. Elio is bisexual and as a young guy he knew what he wanted to go after. Rose Quartz from Steven Universe, her love of human men and femme presenting gems were side by side. It was who she was, and nobody made a big deal out of it other than the natural emotions of jealousy someone close to her might have. And that jealousy wasn't centered on her bisexuality whatsoever. I genuinely can't think of any, which says a lot. Rosa Diaz, Brooklyn 99 Bo, Lost Girl Clarke, The 100 Judy, Dead To Me Lisa, Santa Clarita Diet All of these bisexuals do stuff on their own terms and to hell with what anyone else thinks. It's tough to choose between Sex Education's Adam Groff and Heartstopper's Nick! Adam edges out at the end of the day as his bisexuality isn't the only thing that defines him as a person. He has his ups and many downs but grows as a person whilst exploring his sexuality. Where a lot of bisexual characters are either golden boys, kooky friends or scheming cheaters, Adam feels more like a real person. For me is Luz Noceda from the Owl House because she is open and honest with her feelings, regardless of them being about a girl and not the "conventional" boy. The show doesn't try to hide, and all of the characters take their like for each other seriously and without judgment. Another bisexual character that I love is Rosa Diaz. I haven't watched the whole series, but the way they told her story is very accurate to the real experience of a bisexual person. Personally I haven’t found much representation in many things I have seen, however nick nelson in heartsopper is quite a good bisexual character, I think this because it shows the questioning process and how difficult it can be to realise that you are bisexual, as well as the peer pressure to be straight. Charity Dingle on Emmerdale was introduced as bisexual 20+ years ago and the actress takes care and time to let the audience know it's not a fad or passing phase, but just part of who the character is. In her own words, sex with men and women is "just the same". Bablylon 5. Susan Ivonova. They didn’t hang a lantern on it, but unfortunately did not explore that as much. Ava Daniels from Hacks because Ava is so real and three-dimensional. She isn't a perfect character. She's flawed; she can sometimes be entitled, messy, and opportunistic but she always comes across as a real human being, who happens to be bisexual. Also, Hannah Einbinder gives the character so much personality and depth, and she's so hilarious. Question 2: In terms of bad representation of bisexuals in tv, films and books, what would you say is the biggest mistake writers make with bisexual characters? A mistake is making a bi character sleep with everyone! That may be normal for some people but not every bisexual person sleeps with everyone. 1) when creators claim someone is queer but they don’t show it in canon 2) inherently promiscuous/cheating/duplicitous because of their sexuality 3) sitting in chairs properly I really REALLY did not like "Black Jack" Randall in Outlander. He is a bisexual (perhaps pan) villain whose entire characterization is pretty much "I'm terrible because of my sexuality and do terrible things because of my sexuality". Having a bisexual villain is fine. Having the only bisexual character be a monster because he's bisexual is not. Contrary to my endorsement of Malcolm Reynolds, the "bisexual" as sex Fiend is a bad look Will & grace, Rick and morty, pretty little liars, once upon a time, sex and the city, two and half men, shameless, orange is the new black, South Park, Family Guy I think making them always hyper sexual is a bit boring or having them in a lot of relationships or when they’re in more heterosexual relationships it’s just so boring lol also I think their bisexuality being a sin or discovered through fidelity is a bit annoying. Also bisexuality as gluttonous or greedy? Like when rich evil people are usually bisexual (or at least seen having sex with anyone ever lol) cuz it’s like “wow they can get anything” “they’re controlling” “they’re overindulgent” blah blah blah which is fine sometimes as a story device, but when it’s like the only marker of evil or power (Squid Games like I think some of the white guys were meant to be seen this way, Arcane with that one characters mom who I think has different gender sex partners, etc.) and not balanced with real positive representation then it’s just bad. Not having any! Not saying BISEXUAL! They fall back on bullshit like 'love is love' like bisexuality is somehow lesser than. The most frustrating thing in media is how the word bisexual seems to be taboo in media. Bisexual characters or characters referring to bisexuality never seem to even mention the word. It leads to writers and creators confirming that a character is bi in interviews and not within the story itself. It just shows that that character's sexuality was an after thought to tick diversity boxes. Hyper sexualization. It's common that people think of bisexual people as greedy, needy and hypersexual, like the fact that we might be attracted to more than one gender means that we are attracted and wanting to mate with everyone, every time. And that gets reflected on the screen. Personally I dislike the whole ‘rings, sassy, masculine’ portrayal of bisexual people, as well as making the character somebody who always tends to have a gf/bf every 2 minutes. Overly sexualised, unfaithful and unreliable. Doubling down on the fear-generating stereotypes that make bisexuals disliked and unwanted by all communities, including the LGBTQ one. That we sleep with whoever comes our way. Broader attraction does not mean broader sexual or romantic activity. Whether that's the number of partners, or the breadth of the genders of your partners, bisexual people won't on average be more active. Making bisexual characters into a phase, and over the course of the story, having them pick a side, so to speak. You're not any less bi if you have a preference, but some people don't, and that's very important to show. Associations with greed, especially when used as a characterisation for antagonists. That we’re all promiscuous and can’t possibly be monogamous. A lack of representation. I don't think there are enough bisexual characters in TV, movies and books. Also, a lack of representation of bisexuals who are also people of color, disabled, and other marginalized groups. Question 3: Do you think there is a certain type of bisexual character we see too often? Promiscuous women who are also super kinky, because apparently bisexuality means you’re kinky White female bisexuals vastly outnumber male bisexuals of any kind, plus most BIPOC queers are gay or lesbian Thankfully we seem to be moving away from the trope of portraying bi people as evil cheaters, but now there seems to be a trend of bisexual characters who are these out-going personalities who sleep around a lot. There isn't anything inherently wrong with that but it would be nice to see different bisexual experiences and people. Extroverted and flirty bisexual characters. Those are good, but it's not the only type of bisexual people. I believe on the whole most writers of a bisexual character give them their own quirks, but from what I have seen bisexual characters are portrayed as bossy or clueless and very obviously bisexual(not in a bad way I mean from personal experience not every bisexual person is as many portray them to be) eg I act like a stereotypical ‘straight’ person which isn’t heard of in books or tv shows as they are mainly shown to be very open Cheaters. It's the go-to bisexual stereotype and it's lazy writing and creating. It's very tiring to never see yourself represented and instead maligned. The male gaze female bisexual. I do think there’s like either the super sexual character OR like a tomboy/chill cool girl. I do think the bi online community (stemming out of tumblr culture) has this thing about being like “it’s so bisexual to cuff ur jeans blah blah blah not sit right blah blah blah have a bob” so out of that generalization I think it also shows up in like stories. Bi people who sleep around. Bisexual women seem to be incredibly sexualised. It’s very rare to see a masculine/AMAB bisexual character, and often femme/AFAB characters are fetishized The one who's slutty because they like girls, then eventually settles down and becomes respectable with a boy. Equally bad in romance is the bisexual men who are fetishized as objects of lust for the main character woman who gets to have a threesome with them both. It's fine to have a triad, I support polyamory, but too often it reads the way lesbian porn viewed by men comes across, in fetishizing the character for their sexuality rather than letting them be people. Women who cheat on their female partners with a man, just to facilitate a pregnancy storyline. Characters who have been established as straight and then suddenly become bi just to facilitate a cheating storyline. Bisexual characters who have a problem with using the word bisexual - 'I don't like to label myself' or 'I don't know what I am, but I'm into you' or I'm straight, but you're the exception'. Bi and proud is rare. Serial cheaters. nope just not enough characters. The fun, sexy party girl who wants to sleep around with anyone and everyone. Sometimes it feels like bi women are being fetishized for the straight, male gaze. Hyper-sexual, cheaters, always in homosexual relationships Usually a female character whose bisexuality is "just a phase" and/or something she does solely to arouse a male audience. Or, barring that, using the sexuality to make the character promiscuous and reckless, sort of the "manic pixie dream girl". Question 4: Is there a certain type of bisexual character you’d love to see more of? There's not one type in particular. I'd like to see a variety of different types represented in order to avoid us getting stereotyped. We are all so widely different. A demisexual character that is also bisexual, and is shown to be in heterosexual or homosexual relationships Homely, settled characters - older and possibly with children Male bisexuals and BIPOC bisexuals, also disabled bisexuals I want to see more bisexual characters in happy, committed relationships, as well as bisexual characters who actually say there are bi. I would love to see more shy bisexual people. Those who are too embarrassed to go and talk to the person they like. More bi hetero (man/woman) relationships that are actually good and helps subvert gender roles and hetero relationships for the better, definitely more bi men and non-binary characters, bi superheroes, bi characters whose bisexuality is like the least interesting part about them I like seeing bi men because I feel like they are stigmatised a lot more but bi women get sexualised more I honestly want to see more bi characters where their sexuality is only a piece of the puzzle, and not their entire personality I just want realistic characters for whom bisexuality isn't the only defining trait of their character. Older bisexual characters who talk openly about previous relationships with both men and women without it being a big deal. Characters who are bi but also aromantic or asexual. Characters who are fiercely and vocally bisexual. A character in a monogamous long term relationship with someone of the opposite sex, but has been and continues to be openly and proudly bisexual. Someone who loves more and doesnt define with someone based soley of there sex but how they carry themselves. Parents finding love again with a partner of a different gender than previous romantic interests. Say, for example if Greg Universe from Steven Universe were to be romantically involved with another man at some point. Finding love again, especially with that layer of exploring sexuality is resonant to me. Just someone...chill. If we're talking a long-running series, someone who perhaps has partners of multiple genders. If it's for a movie or single book, just have them mention a past relationship, or even have them be single and casually mention the male and female leads of a movie are both attractive. Bisexuality isn't a personality, so bisexual characters need to be well-rounded. Definitely a shyer bisexual character, who doesn’t make it their personality and is rather intelligent Older bisexuals, married bisexuals. Bisexuals in long term relationships. Bisexuals who aren't queer for shock value and/or what writers call "character development". I’d love to see a monogamous bisexual whose partner doesn’t suspect them of cheating. Question 5: If you could make ONE request of a writer who is not bisexual, writing bisexual characters, what would that be? If you want to introduce a love triangle in your story with a bi character, please consider that polyamory exists and a love triangle doesn't have to be bad and dramatic. If they are a main character, please show them realising they are bisexual, some people don’t realise how hard that can be to deal with Talk to bisexuals about their experiences in the queer community. Ask them about how they relate to the LGBTQ community and how it relates to them. It's not always a mutual experience. Do the research. It's not halvsies A person that doesn't take into account what genitalia people have, so they would treat people the same way when trying to flirt. It's the same thing with friendships, they don't think everyone is a potential partner just because they can be attracted to different genders The love, romance, and sexual attraction kinda feels the same for any gender. There’s no like distinct difference in how I feel about a man, a woman, or someone who is non-binary or genderqueer like truly every crush I’ve had has felt the same lol just write them as you would any character with a love interest, it shouldn't be a huge show if a character likes multiple genders Talk to bi folks! Have conversations with them about their experiences, and how they navigate things like dating Reflect on how you yourself experience emotional and sexual attraction and see if there is anything there that can inspire how you write about your character’s experiencing the same emotions Don't represent us as confused, greedy or cheaters! Talk to bisexual people who are happy to share their thoughts and experiences. Doing research by consuming other media will only box you in to tropes and stereotypes we're trying to move away from. Mostly for cishet male writers, don’t male gaze female bisexuals and fetishize them. Talk to actual bisexual people instead of using us as fetish dressing for your slutty fantasies. Google 'bisexual stereotypes' and check that your work is not perpetuating or playing into those. Also google 'biphobia' and 'bi erasure' to understand the specific prejudices bi people face. Try to be in the mindset of that chararcter and be open-minded on the journey on what someone that is bisexual would go through. Don't make a plot point of their sexuality like its a big reveal, its not that big deal. Let them live as they are. Please talk to bisexual people. Make sure that you make them three dimensional, fully realized people. Bisexual people are all different and have their own personalities outside of being bisexual. Question 6: What do you think is the absolute worst/tiredest/most-dated bisexual stereotype or cliche or trope that you’d prefer writers avoid? The bisexual bob like have I had a bob? Yes for most of my life, but I don’t anymore and not every bi person has to have a bob!! Also the oversexualization of bi people is damaging as well bisexuality isn’t always about sex like I just think anyone can be pretty and hot don't make their sexuality their only character trait, it’s boring All bisexuals cheat/go through relationships like tissue paper Bisexual woman in same sex relationship who gets taught by a straight man that men are the best Hyper-sexual person Evil bisexuals/queer characters. If your villain is bisexual, they cannot be the only queer representation in your media. Bisexual people are 'greedy' and promiscuous and unable to be faithful. Closely followed by bisexual people are confused, or just not ready to admit they're gay, or straight but wanting to be cool. Two girls kissing in front of a group of guys and using that as the only example of their bisexuality. The selfish homewrecker The idea bisexuality is inherently predisposed to cheating That we sleep around. Cheating or general romantic miscommunication. That bisexual people are confused and going through a phase. Or that bisexual people cheat all the time. The Predatory Bisexual. Often, bisexuality is shoved into storylines and/or character behaviour as a means to display negative, sociopathic, "pretend" tendencies as opposed to an actual, real sexuality. Also: that bisexuals are attracted equally to men and women. The untrustworthy bisexual. Bisexuals are all into threesomes. Hyper sexualization. They wear flannels and rings and books - it’s cool - but overused in tv shows ect when dressing a bisexual character Question 7: In terms of getting under the skin of their bisexual character, what one facet of bisexual life do you think writers ought to research first? Learning that you are bisexual, it's difficult because sometimes you can mistake feelings for your same sex friends and think, this is how friendship works, and if you never explore those feelings, you'll never learn that you are in fact bi How we approach relationships in reference to being out. Some of us are out, some of us aren’t/are more reserved. But bi folks don’t try to “trick” our partners into thinking we’re gay or straight I think the 'angst' for lack of a better word of being invisible is a good thing to learn more about. We're too straight looking, we're too gay looking, we must be straight because we're in an opposite-gendered relationship, or we must be gay because we're in a same-gendered relationship. Too many fellow queer people don't think we belong. We don't belong with the straights either. There's this feeling a lot of us have of trying to prove who we are and that we're valid, and accepting that validity for ourselves can be a journey. I wouldn't recommend that be a story a non-bisexual writer takes ownership of, but it's something they should have an understanding of. I think the anxiety of being bisexual is really real like there’s a lot of proving, a lot of trying to understand yourself, every day is a little different where I feel attracted to one gender more than the other and then I feel like a fraud lol as a woman I don’t feel safe dating straight cis men because they will say they support you and are fine with it and then not be an ally in terms of other people in the queer community. Also there can be straight passing that can come along with being bi like no one at my job and half my family don’t know I’m bi. Also every bi person has their own preferences. It’s not always 50/50 or feminine men and masculine women. Bi people can be hated by heteros for being too gay and gay people can dislike bi people for not being gay enough, so bi people can struggle with their sense of belonging, which could be something to explore Less research more character development, but I would just define the character's sexuality more. With different genders, what do they specifically find attractive and why? Attraction in general reveals a lot about a character. The romantic part. Bisexuality isn't just about sexual acts. Bisexuality exists on a spectrum, it’s not always a perfect 50:50 split - your character doesn’t need to define themselves by any ratio of course but don’t try to overthink the gender balance of your characters’ culminative past relationships. Being a bi character in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender: How open are they about their bisexuality? Do they correct people who assume they're straight? In which case how do they handle the inevitable reactions/questions? Maybe they don't challenge other people who assume they're straight because it's easier, but how does that make them feel? If they're married and not anticipating ever having a relationship with someone of the same gender, how does that affect their decision to tell their family they're bi? How does their partner feel about their attraction to people of the same sex? By looking into on what it means to desire and purpose in how to handle that. The level of attraction bisexuals have. It's not just 50/50: it's a lot more complex and diverse than that. Research the different experiences of bisexuals at all ages; don't just take the experiential stories of younger age groups. Bi erasure, as that might help them understand the difficulties they face in both the gay and straight worlds. More importantly, it might help them to avoid stereotypes. Bi erasure and being discriminated for being bi. We get discriminated by both straight and gay people for either not being "gay enough," or not being "straight enough." When I was in community college, I tried to join the LGBTQ+ group and felt alienated because I wasn't "fully gay." I was made to feel like I didn't belong and left the group. Also, don't judge a bisexual person by their appearance. For instance, by my appearance, people often assume I'm straight, or even when they learn I'm bi and in a relationship with a man, they assume I'm more into men than women. But, I'm a 4 on the Kinsey scale. I'm more physically attracted to feminine people. It just so happens that my favorite individual happens to be a man. Asking bisexuals when they first realised they liked both/all genders is VERY illuminating - the what's, the where's, the whys. For example I am married to a man but it was girls I liked first - Neneh Cherry's RAW LIKE SUSHI had me obsessed as an 8yo ;) Think about their relationship first - are they in a heteronormative relationship, a homonormative one or are they single? Whatever their relationship status, and what their previous dating experiences have been, will shape their sexuality. The erasure we suffer on a day to day basis. We are often not straight enough to be accepted by the straights, and not queer enough to be considered a part of queer spaces, specially if we are in a straight passing relationship. Again, the process of realising and accepting that you are bisexual, it took me years to accept myself, let alone be prepared to tell others. Many thanks to everyone who took part in this survey, those that were happy to share their twitter handles are (in no particular order): @LePetitMone @Jenn0wow @redpwade @ruthiewrites91 @EternalEvelyn @GabrielXHendri1 @cherrydadgreg @disabledandfab @Bang2write @GavinSpoors94 @Daisiesonme1 @Doughtyis @ryantriddle @dansereau_aimee
I asked my usual questions to help us all with non-binary character creation, as well as some more serious questions about use of pronouns in scripts and novels. Take a look. I hope you find the results useful. Question 1: What does non-binary mean to you? Non-binary means neither completely male nor completely female. But it can also act as an umbrella term for a lot of other gender identities like agender, genderqueer, etc. First and foremost, there is no one way to be non-binary. It clears a space for those of us who feel neither male nor female accurately describes their gender. It's freedom from the constraints of both. It's being an angel. being comfortable living in my own skin Being able to define ourselves and live authentically without limitations A rejection of gender binary. Or not necessarily a rejection, perhaps just that those male and female roles fail to fit your experience of self. Not relegated to male or female. Anything in between or outside of these two. For me, non-binary means finally having an identity that fits me. Question 2: What pronouns do you use? They/she They/them and he/him occasionally She/They I use he, she, and they. I wouldn't be opposed to neopronouns when I might say I use all pronouns, but I see them mentioned so infrequently that the topic doesn't always come up. all of them. he/him and they/them I go by singular they/them. Question 3: What other pronouns have you heard being used? She/they, she/he, he/they, he/she, xe/xem/xir, hir/hirs, one, and folx. ze/zir, it/its Ze/zir, xe/xim, elle, and there’s some other neopronouns There are neopronouns such as ze/zir and fae/faer. zer/zey ze/zir fe/feyr Ze/Zir Question 4: What is one of your most hated stereotypes when it comes to non-binary representation in TV, Film and books? When the only non-binary character is an alien, it’s like the only way cis people can understand us is as something nonhuman That every nonbinary person needs to androgynous. That we are androgynous Most people see non-binary people as assigned female at birth. all thin, waify types with androgyne haircuts who've gotten lost in David Bowie's closet from circa 1970-1985. only robots, cyborgs, and not-completely-human creatures being enby and having they/them pronouns The one where the only non-binary character featured is either the victim or the villain, and either way, they're doomed. Question 5: If you could give 1 piece of advice to a writer who isn't non-binary, writing an enby character, what would it be? Do your research. Talk to a non-binary person and have them read your script to make sure it resonates with a non-binary experience (which are vast) Don't treat the non-binary character any differently to the other characters, either in your head or on the page. think of them as a person first, not some bizarre space creature Just try not to make it a big deal, sometimes people use different pronouns and it’s totally fine if that’s all it is. Believe it or not, most of us just live our lives not talking about being non-binary all the time Read a lot, listen a lot, and get sensitivity readers. Non-binary isn't asexual, nor is it artsy. It's just non-binary. Still a person, can be fat, thin, old, young, disabled, whole, cis or trans. We can be the villains, the heroes or just minding our business off to the side. The non-binary experience is diverse. We are not a monolith. Some of us don't want to gendered at all, others are gender fluid, others feel like a blending of the gender spectrum, others feel like the hover closer to one end of the gender spectrum than others and but still do not fully identify with it, etc. Additionally, some nonbinary people do not mind using binary gendered pronouns. This doesn't make them any less nonbinary. For example, one of my characters is pronoun-indifferent. That character does not care what pronoun people use, or will shift from day to day along with their gender representation (femme or androgynous usually), but does not feel offended by any pronoun usage. I, on the other hand, as an enby person, do feel very uncomfortable and offended when people use the wrong pronouns with me and I will literally cease to follow the rest of the conversation. Not only that, but it might be the only thing I remember from that conversation unless the person is careful to correct the mistake and move on, not give up and keep misgendering me. If they correct the mistake, I do not have the same interruption in the conversation. These are examples of the varied experiences nonbinary people can have. Question 6: If you could make 1 request of anyone writing an enby character, what would it be? Make more of them assigned male at birth. Please don’t try to have your character speak for the entire community, I’m not a fan of when actual enby people do it let alone someone who’s not part of the community Talk to nonbinary people first and ask them to be beta readers. Please. Please don't make the non-binary character's gender identity something that was inflicted on them and/or that needs to be fixed for them by a cishet character. We're not snarky twinks, thank you. give them meaningful depth beyond their gender (or lack thereof) Make them a lead! Question 7: What kind of enby character would you like to see more of? Lead non-binary characters, characters who discuss it without it being ABOUT that More AMAB, more characters of different sizes, and more BIPOC POC. We're definitely left out of it a lot as queer or enby. And old. I'm over 40. And there's a lot of ageism in the woke space. ones that aren't androgynous More action heroes, like superheroes, John Wick style asskickers, fantasy heroes. Let us be cool and epic and save the day. Any at all, really! I'd like to see more non-binary characters who are comfortable with who they are, and whose gender identity isn't their only defining feature. Question 8: Who is your favourite non-binary character? I only really recall them in indie books, so I can't reliably name a well known one. There is one in the HBO show Billions but I haven't watched it. There was another one in an episode of the iCarly reboot. But they're so uncommon, I don't really have a favorite. Me. There's not a whole lot, but Yellow Dancer from Robotech. jadzia dax from ds9, though she's an example of the whole exotic alien thing Jim from Our Flag Means Death My own, the one I wrote, but I'm biased. I don't really have a favorite because there are so few of them. I wish I had one Question 9: If you could remake/reboot any tv, film or books series, and change the lead to an enby, what/who would it be? Doctor Who would be pretty revolutionary yet easy to do. I'd love to see a contemporary era sequel to "The Persuaders!" with a pair of non-binary characters inheriting the mantle; perhaps the grandchildren of Brett and Danny. I also think that a non-binary James Bond would be fascinating. I think doing it in a reboot would feel a little bit like pandering. I want enby leads in popular original content. the fifth element Probably the Bourne series Question 10: Any tips for how a cis person could create an enby character honestly, but also respectfully. Again, remember we have diverse experiences and consult with nonbinary people. Also remember, we face a lot of stigma and people often refuse to acknowledge us, even more so than other binary trans people. We also have a history of being rejected by the trans community itself. This wears on a person over time. We carry a lot of minority stress on our backs. But that doesn't mean we aren't strong and determined. It just means that we also have vulnerabilities sometimes that others do not face. Also, remember, not all nonbinary people are intersex. I think these might get confused by people who don't know enough about either group. Think of how their culture intersects with their gender. Also know that dysphoria is not required to be trans. The point is to create a whole person, not a stereotype. Does being non-binary have a specific reason for the character? Why? Is the whole story about being non-binary? Why? You have to answer those questions for yourself in your writing, but if you can't come up with a why, you might be on the wrong track. Write the character as a person first, and as non-binary second. do your homework. get feedback from enby folks. don't frame them in the perspective of a cis person. don't use their nb-ness for shock value Honestly just treating them the same as any other characters you write, we have hopes dreams personalities. Follow mon-binary influencers and personalities online to familiarize yourself with the vast diverse spectrum that is non-binary people. Read a book by a non-binary author. Joey Soloway or Alex Billings are good places to start. Question 11: NOVELS. When it comes to novels, and the use of enby pronouns, how do you see the future of this? (For example, using 'they' could get confusing if a reader is unable to differentiate between a single person, or a group, so could perhaps the future for novels lie in pronouns that aren't they/them) Thoughts? I think having they pronouns in novels can become commonplace if we let it. I understand the desire to avoid confusion, but writing in first person could also avoid that. People shouldn't underestimate their readers to figure characters out. Not sure how it's any more confusing than any other point of the human languages. We might have some settled on distinctive pronouns like Zer/Zey, but language is vibrant due to it's flexibility. I think we'll survive they, since we've done it for 100+ years. honestly i feel like a good writer shouldn't have too much of a problem with it. if using "they" is confusing for a particular section, use their name I don't find 'they' confusing at all. And I think the more it's used the more used to it people get. It's not an excuse for not using a characters pronouns. Just be clear with your sentence structure. It’s ok to say a characters name more often for clarity. Sentences are very versatile for a reason. I don’t see a new pronoun emerging right now just for novel writing, sorry. Singular they isn't confusing. What goblin keeps on convincing people that it is?! That said, language evolves all the time. I prefer that authors use their characters' preferred pronouns, and trust their readers to be capable of keeping track of who's who. Question 12: NOVELS. When writing an enby character, how might you describe them in a novel? Is non-binary enough or are there other ways to add texture and nuance, bearing in mind a novel can be as free and expressive with words as it wants? as I said, there are many ways to be nonbinary. My character is more or less gender fluid, but not all nonbinary people are. I described earlier some of the various experiences people can have. We are a diverse group and we can represent femme, androgynous, or masc, it's all a matter of personal preference. Expand it as much as you want depending on how big the character is to your story. I would love to see a variety of non-binary descriptions. Many people don’t look non-binary whatever that means ;-) Like any other description, it's all about the little details. Someone could have a beard and breasts or long hair and a penis. You could also be presenting like your assigned gender at birth and have a name typically for the "opposite sex." it depends on the character. visual details to show how they are androgynous or ngc could work - but some nb people present femme/masc and would completely pass as cis - so i don't see any reason why you would *need* to describe them in some special way Non-binary can mean a lot of things to different people, so I would start by describing how the character looked physically - age, build, height, race, hair and eye colour, clothing choices, all that stuff. I'd also define whether the character had any preferred pronouns or not. I always make sure to allow for who's perspective the reader is seeing the non-binary character from. After all, the author knows everything, but the characters are likely to be less well-informed. Even when writing in first person, there may be things that the narrator doesn't know about and/or understand. Question 13: SCRIPTS. When it comes to scripts, less is more and everything has to be succinct. Now, considering audiences don't read the script, and it's the dialogue that matters, do you think using they/them in action for enby characters a good thing, or could it get confusing? Are there other pronouns you think could be standardised to help make sure enby pronouns are kept in tact, without it being difficult for a reader who is very unlikely to be used to they/them pronouns? Or could alternative pronouns confuse the read and best not being used at all, sticking to he and she? Scripts are often read very quickly when it comes to selling them. Writers need to make the READ as interesting and simple as possible, and you just know those first-readers and producers aren’t up to speed on a lot of lgbtq+ stuff, let alone pronouns. I think the pronouns used in action descriptions should depend entirely on the character in question. Each action should use the pronoun the character uses. Simple as that. there's no excuse for not using a nonbinary person's pronouns. If you want to include a nonbinary character and you decided they use 'they/them' etc, do NOT use another pronoun for the ease of the reader, please. This makes our identities seem false. Also, the more people see these pronouns used, the less difficult they are to understand and accept. Art is culture and moves the meter. I am not going to temper down or use new pronouns just for an audience member or reader. If they are that worried people won’t get it, a simple explanation in dialogue will help. It’s going to get more common and there’s no harm in being on the forefront. Make it easier for those of us who are non-binary by not shying away. Could script writers normalise using the characters' names in place of any pronouns? Perhaps put the names in block capitals, or something? I'd put in the character descriptions when introduced and make the choices of the character work from there to define how they do it. Plus having other characters who respect & disrespect pronouns will help. my feelings here are largely the same as my answer above for novels. if a character has neopronouns, use them in the writing - but i definitely don't think we should replace they/them pronouns for the sake of convenience. practically every movie made throughout history has had multiple cis men as the main characters and nobody gets confused when figuring out which "he" you're talking about I’ve used they/them pronouns in multiple scripts and haven’t run into an issue with readers so far. I think that’s less confusing to cis people than neopronouns. But whatever you do be consistent, don’t have dialogue where a character says they use they/them and then use he or she in action lines Question 14: SCRIPTS. When writing an enby character, how might you describe them in a script? Is non-binary enough, or are there other, simple and concise ways to add texture and nuance bearing in mind in a script a character intro must be simple, evocative and quick. I use non-binary most, but sometimes just use their pronouns in the action lines and readers catch on pretty quick. Remember describing a character as “androgynous” is not the same as saying they’re non-binary. The same as I wrote previously. We're not a monolith. Learn about the different identities that fall under the nonbinary unbrella. Nonbinary is pretty sufficient here. I would also include a ballpark for height and weight. Facial hair and other body hair could be useful. Race is also an important factor to make clear. I don't really describe non-binary, although I've written an ACE preteen who is non-binary for a pilot. I think by trying to define "non-binary" we exclude the flavors of it. It's a lot better to craft the character by quirks and traits. A non-binary character might dress in distinctly simple, plain clothes that either gender could wear, but accent it with something different, like a sparkly hair pin. They could choose to wear a pink dress & say today this is where I am, so the next day a friend could comment back to t shirts & jeans. Build the relationships between the non-binary & their world so it can be seen in the story, versus told. honestly, i don't know lol. texture and nuance doesn't come from describing the gender of cis people, so why would it be any different for nb people? those details come through in the character's dialogue and action i'm toying with the idea of taking out the mention of gender completely when introducing a character in a script and simply listing their pronouns. even for cis characters Depends how important the character is and how important the appearance is for that character… but a small visual description can be useful like any character… Question 15: Do you identify solely as non-binary or do you also have another identity such as gay, lesbian, bi, pan, queer etc? I'm non-binary and gynesexual. i'm also bi Queer trans non-binary here Non-binary, pan/demi/ dom I am nonbinary, trans, queer, panromantic, asexual and neuroatypical. I identify as a non-binary polyamorous aromantic abrosexual. I identify as a non-binary polyamorous queer woman (with attentions to all genders) Many thanks to everyone who took part in this survey, those that were happy to share their twitter handles are (in no particular order): @domisawriter @Snarkylicious @pixelatedguy @HerzogEmerson @eve_ghost @riot_rain @evgreigauthor
If you're curious as to what all the letters in the acronym are, what they stand for, and other popular words that mean the same thing, I got you. I've tried to keep this post as simple as possible as there's a lot to know. Feel free to use these as a jumping off point if you need to google and research a little deeper. As it currently stands (and it's changing all the time as new identities are formed, and more inclusive words are found), the acronym is LGBTQQIA2SP+ L stands for Lesbian. This is a woman who is attracted to other women, so you may see people call their stories WLW (women (who) love women) . Note, WLW isn't exclusive to lesbians, and is also used for bisexual/pansexual women . Sapphic is also a word used for Lesbian, referring to Sappho, who is potentially the very first lesbian. At the very least she was attracted to other women so Sapphic isn't specific to lesbians, and works like WLW. A lesbian may also call herself gay or queer. G stands for Gay. This is a man who is attracted to other men, so MLM (Men (who) love men) can also be used, again, MLM isn't specific to just gay men and can include bi/pan men. A gay man may also call themselves queer. There is also a reasonably new term 'Achillean' which works similarly to MLM. It refers to a man or male-aligned person who is attracted to other men or male-aligned persons. Some find it more inclusive than bisexual/pansexual. B stands for Bisexual. Some people see it as someone who is attracted to just men and women, but with gender identity being explored more and more, the best way to look at bisexuality is someone who is attracted to multiple genders, be that men, women or another gender identity (whereas Pansexuality is someone who is attracted to a person regardless of gender). The terms MLM and WLW can also be used. As can Sapphic and Achillean. Bisexual people may be attracted to one gender/gender identity over another or they may feel attraction in different ways to different genders/gender identities. Bisexual people may be in a relationship/married to the same gender as them, or the opposite gender, this does not make them straight or gay. T stands for transgender. This is an umbrella term. It relates to a person who does not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth. A person may have changed gender completely. So a person assigned female at birth (AFAB) , may now identify as a Trans Man, or Trans Masculine. A person assigned male at birth (AMAB) may now identify as a Trans Woman or Trans Feminine. Non-binary is under the Trans Umbrella. A non-binary, or enby (NB) person doesn't identify as any particular gender and may use they/them pronouns, but also may use he/him and/or she/her too. Other pronouns are in use and they are quite varied. I believe we will be seeing more of these in literature soon. You may find non-binary people define themselves as Trans Feminine or Trans Masculine, as those words work slightly differently to Man and Woman. Demigender. Some people may identify with multiple genders but only some of the time. So you may find someone use the word demi-boy or demi-masc, and demi-girl or demi-femme. Genderqueer means a person who's identity doesn't follow binary gender norms. It's similar to non-binary but actually pre-dates the word non-binary. It's a queering of gender. A non-binary person may not see themselves as part of the lgbtq+ community whereas a genderqueer person will. Genderfluid means a person who's gender identity can change at certain times, or even daily or depending on the event. Like it sounds, their gender identity is fluid, constantly changing. There are many ways to define our gender, and many ways to be non-binary, demigender, genderfluid or genderqueer. This info is to get you started. You'll find people have vastly different opinions on what it means to be any of those identities. There are also other identities within the trans/non-binary community. I've given the most commonly used ones. Q stands for Queer. This word can be used to define someone who identifies as any part of the acronym. It's a reclaimed word that some people refuse to use as they don't believe it has been reclaimed. Others like to use it when it's nobodies business what specific sexuality/gender they identify as. Q stands for Questioning. This is a person who is questioning their sexuality and/or gender identity. They may have always considered themselves cisgender and heterosexual and are now realising that may not be the case, or they may currently identify within the acronym and are realising that their current identity is evolving. I stands for Intersex. This is an umbrella term for a person who is born with sexual characteristics that don't fit the binary definitions of male or female bodies. Being intersex does not necessarily mean that person is trans, although they may wish to identify as trans also. A stands for 3 things. Asexual. This relates to a person who feels little or no sexual feelings or desires. An asexual (ace) person may be sex-repulsed, or they may have some feelings once they get to know someone. It's a spectrum. A person may be Ace and be gay/lesbian/bi/pan or heterosexual. Some people consider asexuality as their sexual orientation and others see it as the absence of any sexual orientation. Aromantic . This relates to a person who feels little to no romantic feelings or attraction to others. An aromantic (aro) person may choose to not enter into any relationship, or they may enjoy the connection of being in a relationship, but not in a romantic way. They may not have that feeling of a “crush”. An aro person can be gay/lesbian/bi/pan or hetero. Aromantic and Asexual are two different things. A person may be Ace but not Aro, or vice versa. A person may be Ace and Aro. A person who is Ace, may have romantic feelings, in which case they may identify as homoromantic, heteromantic, biromantic, or panromantic. Agender. Agender falls under the non-binary umbrella. The slight difference is where a non-binary person has a gender identity outside the gender binary, an Agender person sees themselves as having no gender identity at all. A complete lack of any gender. Other similar words as Genderless, genderfree and non-gendered. 2S stands for 2 spirit. This is an umbrella term within Indigenous and First Nations cultures. It's a person who has 2 spirits within them, male and female. It's a word used in indigenous communities and relates to gender identity, as well as sexuality, spirituality and culture. Different first nations tribes may have different meanings for 2 spirit. It may refer to a person who has both masculine and feminine traits, masculine and feminine spirits, or as a metaphor for the way the person is perceived. P stands for Pansexual. Differing slightly to bisexuality, it's someone who is attracted to multiple genders and/or gender identities. It's about the person rather than gender, gender identity or biological sex. + stands for Plus. It means any other identities that might not fall within the other umbrella terms. The lgbtq+ community is constantly evolving as we, as a society, find more inclusive terms. It's there to remind us there is always more to learn about ourselves. Here are a few other terms that aren't in the acronym, but you may have heard of them. Cisgender (cis) This is the opposite of trans. It means a person who is the same gender as they were assigned at birth. Het. Short for heterosexual. You may see people use the word Cishet, which means a cisgender & heterosexual person. Allosexual. This is the opposite of asexual. It's a person who feels sexual attraction to others whether that is straight, gay, lesbian, bi or pan. Similarly Alloromantic is the opposite of aromantic, and is a person who feels romantic feelings to others whether straight, gay, lesbian, bi or pan. Ally. Despite what some believe, none of the As stand for Ally. An ally is most often a cisgender heterosexual person who supports lgbtq+ rights. People within the lgbtq+ community can also be allies to other parts of the community too, such as the cisgender queers who support their trans siblings. Think there's something missing from this? Let me know and I'll do my best to add it.
I asked each writer to give their personal, best tip for 2 little questions. 1. What is your best writing tip for writing in general? 2. What is your best piece of advice for writing lgbtq+ characters? First up, Lucy V Hay. Novelist, script editor, blogger and founder of Bang2write. 1. Best writing tip. My best writing tip has to be ROAD TEST YOUR CONCEPT (aka premise, controlling idea, seed of the story). Work out what your protagonist wants and why and what's at stake if they fail. Once you have a bombproof concept, everything else will follow. 2. Best advice for writing lgbtq+ characters. Do your due diligence. Check out the GLAAD website. Visit Tropedia and TVTropes.org. follow prominent LGBTQ voices on Twitter, insta, Facebook or wherever you like - simply Google for lists of influencers in this community. Find out which stories they LOVE and which they HATE and why. It really is that simple in the internet age! Debbie Moon. BAFTA-winning writer of 'Wolfblood', screenwriter and published author. 1. Best writing tip. One thing I'm still learning to do is to write in layers. You won't get the plot and the characters and the dialogue and everything else right in the first draft. So learn to get as much as you can down in the rough draft, and then add nuance and detail layer by layer, rather than feeling you have to fix everything at once. So each rewrite isn't some nebulous "making it better", but another layer of ideas adding to what you already have. Which makes the idea of rewriting much more palatable. 2. Best advice for writing lgbtq+ characters. Maybe that queer characters have always been here. There are queer 80-year-olds at the old people's home as well as queer 16-year-olds in school. Throughout history and in every culture, too. And those stories in the past don't have to be misery and suffering. There seem to be a lot of TV shows that have reacted to increased hunger for queer characters by telling stories in the 50's and 60's etc. Because they don't know how to write a gay character if they're not being persecuted, so they've pushed their characters back to a time where they were (looking at you, Umbrella Academy... and many others.) But queer people have always found ways to build community and be happy. Not all of them, but many. So let's see more of that. Jonathan Harvey. Playwright ('Beautiful Thing' amongst others), Author and Screenwriter ('Gimme Gimme Gimme' & 'Coronation Street' to name but a few) 1. Best writing tip. Write. just get on and do it. Even if it’s shockingly bad, get something down on the page. At the end of the day you might find it's ok. Or there might be a few words or phrases you can use tomorrow. But just write. Read as much as you can. See as much as you can. Fill the tank up with ideas and questions and people and WRITE. 2. Best advice for writing lgbtq+ characters. Same as with any characters. Try to make them as fully rounded as possible. Like real living people. Don't make them perfect, make them as flawed as the rest of us. We are drawn to people who are like us and fuck up. Just because they're representing us, they don't need to be perfect. Make them real. Rory Michaelson. Author of the 'Lesser Known Monsters' trilogy. 1. Best writing tip. To take everyone’s writing tips with a heavy dose of salt. Not everything works for everyone, and people find varying degrees of success with all manner of things. You see some writing advice flying around that is ignorant, ableist, classist, and just downright bad. Mechanics do exist in writing, but I think it remains an artistic expression. There aren’t really any rules, and if I learn things that are supposed to be, its usually only to break or subvert them. I try to think of the advice that I come across less as tools for my ‘writing toolkit’, and more as limitless pieces of equipment that I can use to help me create; like paintbrushes, sculpting hammers, pencils, or inks, and I get to decide how (and if) I’m going to use in my artistic process to get the final result that I desire. 2. Best advice for writing lgbtq+ characters. Don’t do it unless it’s informed, and as an ally. If you are part of the LGBTQ+ community, it doesn’t give you open access to all intersecting compartments of the community either. Remember that even if you’re queer (perhaps especially if you are), you have to act as an ally to identities that you do not share. Be accountable. Always approach with an open mind, and listen carefully to the voices you are trying to represent. Once we know everybody is safe and buckled in for the ride, that’s when we can really have fun. Matessa Ashley. Screenwriter and Author of 'Roses and Reprisals' & 'Daisy in a Field of Roses'. 1. Best writing tip. Write what you feel is important or matters to you. Some folks will say it’s not marketable or it’s already out there but if it’s a story that’s unique to you it still deserves to be heard. 2. Best advice for writing lgbtq+ characters I think the best advice for writing LGBTQ+ characters is one, to write what your world looks like so if you have friends that are in the community use them as a basis. Ask them questions, understand their experiences and then apply to a character. They’re easier to fall in love with when it feels like someone can say “hey I know someone like this”. And also to create your own world, write characters in ways they haven’t been seen before. In my script specifically I have a black woman of trans experience as the executive director of a media company, a black lesbian that owns her own dispensary, and things like that that aren’t similar to the “all my life I had to fight” stories you usually see folks write for the community. Many thanks to Lucy, Debbie, Jonathan, Rory and Matessa for sharing their tips & advice.
lgbtq+ people share one myth and one fact about their sexuality and/or gender identity.
I recently hosted a survey for Queer Women to take part in. I got a fantastic reponse from a cross-section of society. I asked for the words they'd choose to describe themselves (they could leave this blank). Rest assured that the answers have come from women who describe themselves fully across the queer spectrum (lesbian, queer, bi, pan, ace, aro, trans, demi, genderqueer, non-binary), plus a variety of race/ethnicities, neurodiversity, abilities, and ages. So, dig in to these amazingly honest and open answer. Question 1: In your opinion, what is the most over-represented type of queer woman character in tv, film & books? (The one you see over and over again, could be a character role, how the character presents, their race/ethnicity, physical ability, specific sexuality/gender identity, or a combination) Not sure about books, but in TV/film it's the "butch lesbian", surly, chip on the shoulder, but everyone wants her. Think "Shane" in L Word. Don't get me wrong, I *love* Shane, but I think that's the overdone rep. Probably that they have commitment issues or dislike being monogamous. | Young, white lesbians. | To me, it's the token bisexual woman. White cis lesbians, often mothers, or presented with more 'butch' or 'tomboy' characteristics (Susie Myerson from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, Haruka Tenoh/Sailor Uranus from Sailor Moon). They are also often relegated to friends of the main character, or recurring characters, unless the focus of the story is them being queer (ex: The Kids Are Alright 2010, Happiest Season 2020). Probably white cis lesbian/white cis bisexual. Blonde sapphic woman paired with brunette sapphic women. Butch women on tv - like you have to make them look butch so everyone knows she’s queer. Film does a bit better with women looking like any other woman who may or may not be queer. Books - there is a wide range of representation and so many different tropes covered in lesfic but the most common characters are lesbian. We are gradually seeing more NB and trans characters appearing. Within lesfic this is because people are moving towards the term sapphfic fiction which is more encompassing, allowing more to come into the space with their stories. A white, cis, able-bodied, educated, middle-class, seductive bisexual woman (often serving the male fantasy for a threesome) White, upper class, abled, cis lesbian. Only palatable people here! | White lesbians that are "fat" and "ugly" to make them look butch The polyamorous, confused bisexual (who often ends up with a cis male at the end). | Femme-presenting bisexual woman. The person who is drawn out into a new sexuality by a gay person. It’s ridiculous. We know we’re gay. We don’t need another gay person to “wake” that up Seeing it less, but rather fed up of male gaze queer women being used as titillation in films. | Definitely like the older, cis white butch lesbian. I think there’s much better spectrum of different queer female characters right now but in general white fem women are shown more so. They are still attractive to the male gaze. They usually guest star to have a brief sexual affair with a recurring character (also a white fem). The build up is usually written well and draws in a queer audience. Each episode feeds us breadcrumbs until we are starving for the finale. In the finale they get together which is usually written very well but without queer actresses the kissing is usually unbelievable. The guest starring white fem then leaves abruptly: if she doesn’t die she has an obstacle that would not be an issue to a het couple like she doesn’t want kids or gets a job offer really far away. Surprisingly there really aren't a lot of queer female characters to even be over-represented. I feel like there is queer coding with things like bisexuality, but most are used for shock value or to spice up a heteronormative couple with seeing a woman "turn" bi. The married woman doesn't realize she's gay or bisexual until middle age, usually, they're an upper middle-class white woman who cheats on her spouse with a younger woman. A white, thin bisexual woman, typically feminine, who almost always is with a man. I think this is obviously a real woman (like myself, except the thin part) but it's rarely actually nuanced. Also she's always white??? And can't they ever dig into comp-het or like, biphobia in the gay community???? The tough athletic lesbian - cop, crim, PE teacher, or the attractive white lipstick lesbian who wears high heels and a power bob and slays men with a single look. Lots of power dynamics. The femme or the jailbird or the rich California lifestyle. They are always attractive, physically abled and usually white (unless they’re in prison). It's not so much an individual character as the trope of the group of lesbians (and they do seem to be mostly lesbians rather than mixed queer women) who all hang out and seem to speak the same language. Question 2: What do you think is the most under-represented type of queer woman character in tv, film & books? The cishet looking queer woman. I'm *not* talking about the queer woman who doesn't know she's a lesbian/queer and is finding herself (THOUGH that's totally overdone), but the one who blends in with the cishet world, lives a heteronormative life whether due to location (rural, suburbia) or lifestyle (mom of 4 and buried in *that*), etc. There's no rep that doesn't look the part. This is an issue-- why do queer women have to LOOK queer to be queer? Definitely fat, black gay butches. Butches in general!!! Trans women are pretty much always underrep'ed as well, particularly trans women of color. Probably ace women. After that, trans women and lesbians who don’t get off on power. I feel like bi women are getting more rep now but it isn’t all good. The butch, over-weight middle aged lesbian that lives with her wife in a small town with a couple of kids. Hmm... I faciltate an lgbtqia support group where nearly everyone is neurodivergant. I'd like to see more queer characters who struggle socially, who can't easily find a place in the lgbtqia community. Especially women. Fictional portrayals often make it seem easy - almost a given- that you will fit into an lgbt world, but it is a minefield for many folk i know. Also, more older people would be great. Definitely a disabled queer woman. I have an invisible disability and I don’t think I have ever seen a queer woman with one. Disabled/POC/trans women. | Characters of colour, trans women, asexual women, and well written bi women. | Trans queer women in general. Literally any queer women of color, specifically those who aren't suddenly fighting their "oppressive" religion or culture. Where are the queer women who find acceptance in their culture or religion? A lot of the homophobia in non Western cultures is a product of Western colonization. An actually well-written trans woman that loves herself and isn't a monster or a victim of trauma and violence. A person who is bisexual and married and struggling with feeling invisible. | Butch lesbian. | Femme women of colour. Bi, pan, or trans women, especially of color, in stories that don't focus on the characters being queer. | Women of colour, non cis queers. Bisexual, I think because people don’t know how to handle it. They can’t see that just because someone can love anyone, they can be monogamous. It’s all…they picked a side rather than chose a person (like everyone else) and they’ll change their mind next week….argh! On the other hand it’s great for conflict! Older queer women in ordinary settings. It doesn’t have to be about their queerness, late coming out etc. Queer women characters that would be considered ‘unattractive’ to males but super attractive to other queer women (e.g. Tig Notaro), also women that are masc but not stone butch (I feel like there’s representation at the two extremes but nothing in the middle). And of course queer women from groups that is under-represented even as straight characters such as poc, disabled, aged 50+ etc. I think there is a vast underrepresentation of all queer women. I think lesbian women (both cis and not) are the most under-represented, however. When writers, especially in film/tv, include queer women, it is most often as an alternative to straight relationships gone wrong (i.e. divorce, etc...). We rarely see healthy and happy lesbian couples without any of that set-up to ease a cis heteronormative society into queerdom. I think there's a shocking lack of representation for queer women of colour and also trans women. There seems to be a hesistion to have queer women in media who belong to many intersections. We don't see enough butch females, and or butch/femme couplings and/or butch/butch pairings. Question 3: If you could give one piece of advice to a writer who isn't a queer woman, writing queer women, what would it be? That we aren't much different from allocishet women. Try to avoid stereotypes, however, because queer women are just as varied and different as straight women. We don't all wear flannel and drive U-hauls and we don't all think men are disgusting creatures. And don't forget trans women! At the very least, reach out for some sensitivity readers, even if they're friends or acquaintances online. Most people are willing to make sure you're not poorly representing identities. That said, make sure you read/watch art by queer women featuring queer women. You can learn a lot by seeing how we represent ourselves in our own works. That bisexual woman or a woman with more fluid sexuality doesn't usually need both a man and a woman to be satisfied, and or cannot be in a homosexual relationship without eventually cheating on their partners with a man. It's an offensive stereotype, and also bisexual women are promiscuous, scheming, and neurotic. Remember she is a human being beyond her sexuality. She has thoughts, feelings, fears that make her unique. Her sexuality is just a part of her, not the whole. Don't assume the stereotype has to be true for your character. She doesn't have to have been bullied or raised by unsupportive parents (though, maybe she did/was), and she doesn't have to wear her hair or dress a certain way (though she can!) My point is, come up with your character, and then ask how is she queer. Not, I have a queer character, how can I tell my audience she's queer? Queer people go through life very similar to cishet counterparts. I would love to see more rep that's not fitting to a form we already know and see and hear and--I think I've made the point? Do your research! Talk to us, ask us what we want to see. Really take your time to understand how queer women have been portrayed in the past and the common tropes and stereotypes. Don’t think that women who love women love them in the same way men do. They don’t. Women love women in a completely different, complex way. Instead of asking why the character is queer, ask why not. Even if you want to write her in a relationship with a man, she can still be bisexual or pansexual and/or be trans*. Try not to make your characters confused. If you're not queer, try to avoid the characters coming out to be the driving factor of your story. Be cautious about the male gaze (even if you're not a man, the male gaze can play into your representation of queer women, especially when writing wlw). The way queer women love might be different based on how they were socialized and general societal pressures, but there's no reason to put it on display as something exotic or foreign. That's not to say you shouldn't just write a hetero couple and then swap out one of them, but it's a good way to think about biases. Also it's a good place to start. Please talk to us and listen to us. We want to have our voices heard. | Don't fetishise queer women. We are not your fantasy threesome. We are feminine and pursuant at the same time - show that. We are not all quirky or weird or shy or confused. Don't go out of your way to write "a queer woman", write a well-rounded character who has being queer and a woman as two parts of her many facets Queer main characters can live their lives just like non-queer people. The focus does not always need to their sexuality, coming out experience, etc. A queer woman is simply a woman who happens to be queer. They can hold any job, have any life goals, any family dynamic that straight/cis main characters have. Additionally, if you are wanting a diverse cast of characters, and plan to write a queer woman, don't cover up their queerness. A bi or pan woman who is actively dating should be seen with a variety of partners. Trans women shouldn't be limited to post-op or 'passing'. Lesbians don't only fall into either the 'butch' or 'lipstick' stereotypes. Create a rounded character, with likes, dislikes, a career, a family, etc, just like you would for a straight character, with the only difference being they date any gender or the same gender or were assigned male at birth. Relationships are relationships, love is love yes. But two women do have a different dynamic than a man or a woman- think preceptions, mental loads, intamancy, gender dynamics. Do your research!!! Talk to queer women about their experiences. | Don't make it creepy. Just don't. Ask queer friends, or lacking those, sensitivity readers, to read your work to get their perspective Just asking ONE queer woman for their opinion on how you’ve written a character is better than nothing. But not killing a queer character or having them sleep with a man is a great start! All queer women are different. Porn isn’t real. Learn what the tropes are and use them carefully. Lesbians like women’s bodies - don’t make your lesbian character admire someone in the way you’d admire a man’s body. First, ask yourself “should I be the one telling this story? Or should I step aside and make room for a more authentic voice and experience (of the same level of experience, of course). If the answer is yes then talk to your queer female friends and family. If she doesn’t have any then she should most definitely not be telling this story! Listen to queer women you might know. If you don't have friends you can listen to, then use social media. Twitter is great for being able to listen and learn from the conversations of people you don't know personally. You find out what people care about- what the challenges are- how strong people are - & generally whats going on in minority groups you wouldn't normally be included in. Question 4: If you could make one request of anyone writing queer women, what would it be? Be careful of continuing stereotypes and form fitting. Queer representation is about letting queer people live in the real world, so only showing one person is counterproductive. Make us your protagonist! | Drop the oversexualization of women loving women. We’re done with it. First, get to know some queer women so you don’t see them as queer first but as women who happen to be queer. And second, include more than one queer female character. Break the mould, push boundaries…hmm maybe I should take my own advice. | Don't write stereotypes. find out what are highly rated, then watch queer films & books, read queer literature. | Stop killing queer women characters please. Add more of us! And don't be afraid to add multiple identities or to let us end up in heterosexual relationships or non-cis relationships. Don't be afraid to make us messy and complicated! Just because a character is flawed or makes bad decisions, it doesn't make them 'bad' representation. Not every queer character has to be a model representation of their community and that's okay. Basically, if you can give a storyline to a straight cis character, what's stopping you giving it to your queer characters? I'd like them to keep in mind that there is not one kind of lesbian, that butch women can be submissive and or femme women more dominating, and that even butch presenting women can be out and proud bisexual/pansexual. Don't make them being queer their main character trait. It doesn't need to be this big thing. Also, try not to stereotype. Don't just stick with the femme/butch couple or try to fit it into heteronormative boxes. But also not all queer women are defined by their "aesthetic" or by the types of people they date. They also don't ALWAYS define themselves solely by their queerness, although it is a part of them. For the love of G-d, please have good trans women as characters. | Show us as mothers! Let's have more variety! I'm tired of queer women who are angry all the time or female Casanovas. Female couples who support each other, have kids, who have always been queer (so many were married to blokes first). We are just as diverse in our hobbies, backgrounds, family, religion, jobs, dreams and everything else as any other group of people. Don't have them fall in love with a straight best friend. Don't have a bisexual (or a woman figuring it out) cheat. Read Dykes to Watch Out For by Alison Bechdel. It's an older, sometimes problematic work, but runs a huge gamut on the kinds of queer women it shows. Give us some demi lesbians. Also, show us some enduring relationships. To realise that we come in all shapes, colour and sizes. To know that our gaze on the world (and how we are treated by the world) is very different to a straight woman so make sure you find out what that gaze is. This is a hard Question! I guess... their queerness may not be obvious in every scene, they may have to come out many times, there may be parts of their personality where its not relevant at all - then suddenly it might become the core thing that informs their responses. Queerness can be massively defining and not important at all in quick succession. Question 5: What kind of queer woman would you most like to see in tv, film & books? I want to see more queer female protagonists. I want to see queer women who are secure in their sexuality and just stories where the main character is queer and it isn’t a big deal. I would also love to see a queer demi sexual main character. Someone with social anxiety and a tedious job who doesn't have particularly good hair. | Androgynous queer women. A lesbian. Not bisexual, not pan, not confused. A lesbian woman who doesn’t hate herself for being a lesbian. A lesbian who is sure about her sexuality. Plus points if she’s trans! A variety of ace spectrum women. Ace spectrum women who are sex positive who have ace spectrum women who are sex neutral or sex negative. And ace spectrum women of colour. Ace spectrum women who are not the awkward nerds. I would just love to see some amazing ace spectrum women. Queer women who are messy, who are figuring things out, who have their shit together, who are going through the journeys that non queer women or the stereotypical Man Hero Main Character Dude get to go on. Cishet look a like who lives a cishet life but is NOT cishet at heart, mind, spirit, body, etc. Don't need to go crazy and make them trans and gay and all the colors of queer-- it's okay to be one color--but painting a specific picture of a queer woman is annoying and problematic. We all want to see ourselves-- so show me someone who likes like the MANY queer woman of the world. A trans lead that is celebrated and cherished and loved by everyone in her life. | All of them!!! They're all great!!! A bisexual woman who is married and trying to sort out the line she had to draw. Female couples who have children. Bisexual women who aren't vamps or cheaters. One who is comfortable with herself, has friends of all genders, and is doing something other than agonising over her sexuality and gender identity. Bonus points if not from majority White culture *and* it’s not all about the family rejecting her sexuality/ gender. More soft motherly queer women. The butch, over-weight middle aged lesbian that lives with her wife in a small town with a couple of kids!! A queer woman who's somewhere between butch and femme, comfortable in her own self Ones who are comfortable in the lives they're living where the primary conflict of the story isn't related to their sexuality, gender, etc. Ones who have other queer woman friends who they don't date and don't want to date. Bisexuals…anyone away from the norm (yes I am going to quote lesbian and gay as normal lol) who are considered at the fringes. It’s taken this long for people to get their heads around lesbian/gay we now need to throw in everyone else. But it must be done in a way that helps the straight idiots understand that people are different and that’s actually normal. Almost need to make them ‘less scary’ to them. Recently read the Priory of the Orange Tree. Loved it for queer romance in fantasy. Would love to see more of this in tv (some streamers are def getting there). And also, mainstream tv shows with bisexual characters who are moral and trustworthy. Just more positive rep of bisexuals tbh Powerful, badass queer women who are threatening to cis men and make them feel emasculated Any and all! I honestly would love to see more bisexual representation, but I think the stage really needs to be set for trans women. There is so much misinformation around trans women in culture, politics, and...life, that adding more of that into media can only be a good thing. I would love to see more of the above such as butch presenting women who are sensitive and soft, and generally more submissive than their femme partners. Question 6: If you could reboot/remake any tv series, film series or book, and change the lead to a queer woman, what would it be? There's so many that could be done, but I'd rather we just have our own series and books now. Harry Potter as a trans woman just to spite JK Terfling. | The Notebook. | Let's do some more YA series like WINX but with queer fairies. Amazing question! Star Trek Voyager. | Raya and the Last Dragon. | Supergirl 🙃. | Supergirl. | The Prisoner Line of Duty - definitely should have made Kate queer in the latest season. | Stardust! Indiana Jones! I'd love to see a badass queer archeologist kicking ass and saving the world (and stealing priceless artifacts). I would love to see Anne Rice's The Vampire Chronicles done but with Lestat as a queer woman. Or maybe, James Bond as a queer woman, that would be pretty neat. Maybe Buffy. | Blakes 7!!! Any of the family shows: Full House, Gilmore Girls, Modern Family, etc. but make the parents/moms QUEER AS FU--. I’m rewatching New Girl right now and I kind of wish Jess had been gay. I think that would have been of cool. Nadia in Russian Doll. I love that women and Natasha Lyonne does a great job playing her. I’d love her more if she was a woman loving woman. I can’t take credit for this idea because I saw it mentioned in a tumblr post once but trans woman Cinderella would be cool Question 7: What is a queer female stereotype/cliche that you are sick of seeing? Queer women being presented as hyper femme (when there are two women) or hyper butch (being predatory). While these types of queer women exist, there's more of a blur now. You typically can't tell people are gay just by looking at them. Subtle cues and items (like pins or jewelry non-queers might not even clock) might help give it away. Predatory lesbian, whether that be an older one or just a toxic one. They do exist, but they're not the whole community. ALSO the bi woman who suddenly had one toxic relationship with another woman and is now ONLY MEN. Again, it happens, but like... do straight people have toxic relationships and then suddenly swear off dating the opposite gender? Not usually seriously in media! Shane or Finley on L word. I'm a diehard Shane fan, but I'm over it. It's becoming problematic to continue that stereotype a poster child for queer women. It is usually either a coming out story or a woman who is questioning their sexuality and starts a relationship with an older woman. A woman who starts dating other women because she got her heart broken by a man The bisexual woman that starts out dating a lesbian then cheats on her with a man for no real reason. | Short hair. Lol. Like wtf Bury your gays. We get it: women in love are tragic and doomed. Yawn.. | Creepy queer woman that kisses/touches straight women w/out consent The lesbian that sleeps with men. If a woman is attracted to more than one gender then label them appropriately. This is usually tied to the character lying to a partner. Blonde and brunettes or couples who basically look the same. | Bisexual cheaters arghhhhh. Duplicitous bisexuals 1) Dying 2) Sleeping with a man (if she identifies as a lesbian) 3) So stubborn about wanting kids/not wanting kids that they can't be with their supposed love of their life. I am tired of seeing women "turning queer" used as a scapegoat for shock value or for a quick ratings jump. When done correctly, writers use nuance and natural feelings to move into a queer woman relationship. More often than not, though, it's because someone broke up with their boyfriend and is swearing off men and magically they're bi or gay or what have you. Deeply depressing and stereotypical coming out stories/ closeted female characters. When done right, they can be impactful and emotive but there's such an oversaturation of them within queer media. The promiscuous and scheming bisexual hot mess. | The jealous lesbian. | That oral sex is always the highlight of sex between women. The attractive straight looking one This is too obvious but... its the pleasant lesbian who dies. Tara from Buffy is a good example- though I think the character herself is wonderful. I love Tara. Question 8: Name one of your favourite queer female characters (from tv, film or books). Bette from L Word. She is SO much more than her lesbianism. I loved Santana Lopez from Glee. She was one of the first lesbian characters I ever saw on TV and her storyline really helped me feel more comfortable in my own sexuality. I don’t think she was written perfectly but she will always hold a special place in my heart. Villanelle from Killing Eve. | I don’t have one sadly. | I LOVE Nomi & Amanita from Sense 8. Also, Bill Potts. Anyone I can think of that I liked had some serious character assassination happen. Technically two, but both leads in Portrait of a Lady on Fire. | Molly Bolt in Rubyfruit Jungle. Clarke from THE 100. Her journey into bisexuality was unexpected and welcome. They got it mostly right, atoned for the Lexa debacle and brought her back as the face of God as Clarke's one true love. Can't say fairer than that. Rosemary from "The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet". | Sara Lance from Legends of Tomorrow. | Luce from Imagine Me and You. Utena Tenoh/Sailor Uranus from Sailor Moon, I love strong female characters that aren't bothered by others' assumptions of them. Carol Aird from the film Carol. It’s based in the 1950s, written then too, as ‘The Price of Salt’. She refuses to live against her grain, what a woman! Ead- Priory of the Orange Tree is my current favourite in books. In tv, Maxine from Russian Doll. I have two: Gretchen from These/Thems on YouTube (web series) and Bree from Eastsiders. Captain Philippa Georgiou from Star Trek Discovery! And also Lorraine Broughton from Atomic Blonde. Villanelle from the book, The Passion by Jeanette Winterson. I'm also oddly fond of Villanelle the character from the TV show, Killing Eve as well. Definitely Mo, Ginger, and Lois from Dykes to Watch Out For. Xena!!!! Sailor Uranus & Neptune. | The girl in it’s my skin Many thanks to everyone who took time to take part in this survey, and to those that shared their twitter handles. In no paticular order, thank you to: @Writtenbyhelen @cassisarobot @Bang2write @authorjnewton @cayfletcher @jmackieh @JaymeBeanAuthor @maryritaog @annerussobooks @lolocurray @Emily_banting @wordynat @VicOCally
Tips for writing older lgbtq+, queer characters. Anecdotes and stories from queer Baby Boomers and lgbtq+ Generation Xers